Gross letter from co-worker

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by upallnight, Feb 14, 2013.

  1. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I wanted to get home from work before husband so I could plan a fun V-day activity. I didn't make it because I was in my Principal's office with a letter the music teacher put in my mailbox. Yuck, it was this expensive Hallmark card that said on the front, "I can't stop thinking about you". Inside the card was this long letter about how he wants to get to know me better and all these completely disgusting compliments about my appearance. I have lunchroom duty with this man, and some other people as well. He eyeballs me all the time, it's creepy I ignore it. He follows me around, I just kept my strange feelings about how weird he is to myself.

    I took this letter to the Principal, there was also this big chocolate foil heart with it. He put the whole thing in a big brown envelope and put that in my mailbox. He did that because he knew it was wrong and nobody would see it in that envelope. The principal told me to write a post-it note on the things and put it back in his mailbox. My note said,"I want a professional relationship only, I'm married and do not want any compliments from you." He knows I'm married because he was playing in a band on the beach last summer that husband and were at and we all spoke. Ok, while I was in her office he STOOD OUTSIDE it.

    The Principal couldn't undestand how he knew I was in there, I told her because he knows what my jacket and pocketbook look like and
    they were on a table there. So she pretended to page another teacher so he wouldn't know we were talking about him. She then took the whole thing and she put it in his mailbox for me. She has another exit from her office that goes into the gym. I went out to my truck through the gym. How can I ever do my lunch duty with that creep there?
  2. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Sorry about the errors, I can't type on this Nabi too well. Also, I run into this man after my bus duty in tne AM and PM. This will be awkward and upsetting for me. I was never so happy to see my husband after work.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I am surprised that the principal told you to put the stuff back in HIS mail.
    I'd have been taking it to a lawyer.

    Perhaps you need to talk to a lawyer anyway. You were already uncomfortable around this fellow, and he has upped the ante. If he's like other cases I know... he'll do something more major soon, and you need to be ready - to file harassment or other charges, depending on what happens next. Lawyer can tell you what kinds of communication you need to send to this fellow so that he cannot say he "didn't know" you weren't interested in his advances.

    Are you union? If so, you might also talk to the union rep.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Surely there are policies for handling that. That's creepy and I'd be careful if I were you. Maybe tell the principal you're just not comfortable and would like to talk to hr.
  5. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Yes, I'm in a union. I think I will tell her tomorrow how uncomfortable it will be for me to be around him. I know I had to take a course on sexual harrassment and there are really strict laws. Is this sexual harrassment? husband told me to tell him that I thought he was gay. If it's just tne one letter maybe he will get the message. Other people had seen the card, the nurse, my co-teacher, and another friend. I think I'm going to tell all my other friends as well, he,s such a jerk. He has been there over 20 years. I should have kept it , but at the time I was ill jusr touching it.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    UAN, this is sexual harassment. Actually, it's starting to drift over to stalking the way he tends to follow you around. I'm surprised the principal didn't take stronger least talk to the guy and tell him to back off, you're not interested and are married. I'd go through the right channels and file a complaint. If that doesn't get the job done, I'd go to a lawyer.

  7. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I think the principal wanted to make sure that you "officially" told him to stop. Any continued pursuit on his part NOW can be considered harrassment because he has been told to stop by you and he can't say he thought you were agreeable to his attention.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    And... you do have a "reliable witness"... in the principal.
  9. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    I'm naive, but I realize I need to talk to someone else. This past week the man called me at home when I was absent to check on me. Now that I put that into was a 2 second call, I hung up and felt uncomfortable. Also, he disturbed me while I was giving a test. He came into the classroom and told me he couldn't do his lunchroom duty. I thought, good! But, I'm not the one you tell....tell the supervisor....I was giving a test to a student who was absent the day before (our kids need tests read to them) and he interrupted. I have to put everything into writing and then talk to the union rep so I don't forget anything. I understand people are strange, and I roll with it ....but all this is just the past week, there are so many more little weird things and creepy things. Am I overreacting? I do that sometimes. He can't be calling me.
  10. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    You're not overreacting, and personally I'd be worried. This kind of stalking behavior can get out of hand and dangerous in a hurry.
  11. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    You're not overreacting. Sending u hugs
  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    UAN... I've been accused of sexual harassment, and I've been harrassed. It doesn't have to be overt. If it made you uncomfortable, that was enough. Now you have told him to stop. If he calls you at home - that's stalking. Fact is, he creeps you out... So any more creepy comments, etc. can and should get him removed from your presence at the very least.
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    UAN, I am so sorry. This is definitely sexual harrassment and you are not the first target he has had. Right now you need to document ANYTHING he does/says that is out of the ordinary. I know you just want to pretend it isn't happening, but it is. By keeping documentation of what he did/said, when, how, who else was present, etc.... and getting as many incidents on record as possible, you will enable HR for the district and your union to act and get him out of your orbit.
  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Document. That's key. Pay a little closer attention to your environment so you don't happen to be alone in the parking lot late in the day. Just be vigiliant. The man likely is not a danger to you....probably as Aspie who doesn't read social signals appropriately BUT I would be very cautious. Hugs DDD
  15. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    Please be careful and document, document, document. So sorry you are going through sounds really creepy.
  16. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Today we had a teacher in-service day. It was so crowded I had to park at another school next door. I waited for the person in charge of harrassment to finish teaching a workshop and we spoke. Everything is being taken care of and I felt so much better! Then as I was walking out to my car........nobody was around, most people had left, the creepy man pulls up alongside me and aks me if I want a lift anywhere!!!!!!! I said No. He drove off. He followed me there.

    This has crossed the line. I was told by the guy in charge that since I put in writing I just wanted a professional relationship, he can't behave like this anymore. It didn't work and he did it again. I didn't go back into the building, I went home and e-mailed him (guy in charge) and my principal. Earlier today I told the principal the other things, like the phone call......she said he has been removed form my lunch duty already.
  17. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You are taking all the right steps.
  18. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Please be careful sounds like a nut job to me!!!! Praying he leaves you alone. SOON.
  19. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    UAN, PLEASE be hypervigilant for the next few weeks. This is the most dangerous time because he is losing control and is being told that he cannot do this or contact you this way. If you have to walk out into a parking lot in the dark, get another teacher or a security guard to walk you to your car.

    When you leave the building, have your key ready. Not just have the keys out, but have the key or remote to open the car in your hand. Have your cell phone out and ready with 911 on speed dial or else dial the numbers and have your finger ready to press send. Think about getting pepper spray and a security keychain. Pepper spray can be tricky because you are going to get some on you most likely. Don't use it if you think you won't be able to function enough to get away, you don't want it to trap you with a dangerous man you have just sprayed wth pepper spray.

    They sell various keychains that are designed to be lightweight and very effective for self defense. Here is a list of various ones from amazon:

    Personally I prefer the safety cat/brutus type because I get a better grip and am far less likely to drop them or have them taken away than the kubaton style. I am less likely to use pepper spray personally because there are people it won't work on. Some have become used to it and some people just never react to it, their bodies just don't. Many people will tell you to carry your keys so that a key sticks out from between each finger in case you have to protect yourself. This is effective, but can be harder to hold on to. Plus, it is harder to open the door lock if you are using them that way. A safety keychain, esp when kept on a ring where it can detach easily (those 2 part keychains are handy for this) can be used with one hand whle you use the keys with your other.

    If there is a knife store or a pawn shop that sells guns or a hunting store, you can usually find these keychains there. Our knife store is great, and the owner will walk you through how each is used, and help you learn to use whatever you choose most effectively.

    I am so happy your union and principal are working to protect you. This is SOOOOO important and I hope he moves on to some healthier hobby that harassing you or anyone else. Keep track of everything said/done about this, incl your calls to the union/principal, his reactions, steps you need to take to feel safe, etc...
  20. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    UAN... just to put a different spin on this...
    You are doing all the right things, but this person?
    We had a teacher at one of the schools start being "strange", all sorts of allegations started cropping up (very minor stuff, but people were getting uncomfortable).
    Turns out the fellow had an un-diagnosed brain tumour.

    Yes you have to protect yourself. But it may not be that this is a 'bad' person.