Grrr...

tiredmommy

Well-Known Member
Trinity~ We have a rule: she has to stick with an activity that is a sport/team-based or has a performance after the first few sessions. The thought is that she is letting down the team/class by dropping out and may have prevented another child by participating if the roster/class were full. She does not have to take up that activity the following year if she did not like it this year. I do ask that she does an active or movement based activity because it's good for her body. That could be dancing or swim (which she does) or yoga, an exercise class, track, etc. Duckie's body doesn't work quite right so keeping her physically active is important for her well-being.

That being said.... the mother in your post is cruel to her son. Let him find his interests and pursue them. I hope he'll be okay later in life. :(

Recovering Enabler~ I'll make a point to tell Duckie what you posted; it may help her down the road.

Tia & Buddy~ She is a good girl (mostly!). But she tends to be emotional and wants desperately to be liked and accepted by the popular kids. I don't have the heart to tell her that they probably won't because she's cut from a different cloth, but I can give her strategies. We talk a lot about playing to our strengths and being true to who we are (being an authentic self). One friend in particular is very threatened by Duckie and can be unsupportive. She's not a horrible kid but she's very insecure and I've told Duckie that she can't let her friend's issues control or dominate Duckie. She can't change to please her by dumbing down, not practicing, dressing different. Anything. The best thing she can do for herself is to be herself and try her best. The best thing she can do for her friend is encourage her to do the same.

Keista~ Unfortunately for Duckie, she's growing up in a community where the kids have a lot of opportunities. And the parents don't support and allow their kids to explore and learn about themselves; they push and demand. I try not to do that because, frankly, Duckie would crack under the pressure. There is an entire crop of girls that are in Duckie's grade that are talented but are lacking any personal depth around here. They all want to be #1 at something (anything) but they aren't being taught to lay a foundation and do the work. It's sad, because the real world will eat these kids alive.

I let Duckie know that she needs to define what doing her best means to her and prioritize her activities so that she can still be an active family member, do well in school, maintain friendships and pursue her interests. She doesn't need to be the best or 'perfect" at anything. She just needs to apply herself and learn to work hard. I've also told her that her behavior reflects positively or poorly upon her family, but we are not responsible for her successes or failures. They are hers to own... I think it makes her want to do better.
 

susiestar

Roll With It
I am sickened but not surprised by the cattiness of the other kids and their parents. Far too many parents seem to think that parenting is an Olympic event and that the "winner" is the one who pushes their child to overachieve and ignores the issues of character and morality.

Duckie is the epitome of "Strong Smart Girl" that I have worked to teach Jess how to be from the time she was an infant. WAY too many people wanted her in their pageants, modelling campaigns, etc... and the praise was ALL about her looks and sparkle but not about who she is. So I started using "Strong Smart Girl" as her nickname and as her motto for life.

(((((hugs))))) for the bruised hearts caused by the idiots and a big pat on the back for Duckie's hard work and awesome performance!
 
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