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Guess who's coming to dinner
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 563200"><p>Hmmm...</p><p></p><p>I would have him come for dinner. Or if dinner will be too awkward, maybe for dessert. I am of the school that says "Keep your friend's close and your enemies closer." </p><p></p><p>Of course, I don't mean to suggest that he is your enemy. And when you have a difficult child who is SO easily influenced, their friends are a double edged sword. </p><p></p><p>And for me, it's hard to know "who" is a good influence and "who" is the bad influence. </p><p></p><p>Boy, I wish I could figure that out in my own life! difficult child's BEST buddy is an Eagle Scout and honor student who works really hard and is putting himself through school and on the Dean's list. That alone makes me think that he should be a GOOD influence on difficult child. on the other hand, difficult child's partying coincides with the timeline of this friendship, and I imagine that this friend is also a substance user but I am guessing not an addict. He is also one of those free spirit kids, son of easygoing baby boomers who think everything their kids do is wonderful. But all 3 of their kids are high achievers so they may have something there...</p><p></p><p>Anyway, forgive me for rambling. But that ramble above is my turmoil. We all know that forbidden fruit is more appealing. We know that their peers influence them far more than we do - and in the case of difficult children - even far more than normal. Pushing their friends away pushes them away. Their friends are the ones to whom they confess their secrets, to whom they speak to late at night. Ergo, those friends are the people we want on our side. Even if just to say "aww, your mom isn't that bad...", or maybe they are someone to whom we can slip our cell phone number and say "if EVER difficult child is really in trouble, I want to know...I will help, call me FIRST"</p><p></p><p>So when difficult child's friend came by to take him to a concert, I hugged the friend tight, told him he looked wonderful, and wanted to hear about his adventurous internship working in a oil field. And I nodded, and smiled and told him honestly that I admired his work ethic. And I've known him since he was 13, and I really saw a huge change in his maturity. Something I hope may wear off on my son. Sadly, I think that this friend may actually be close to outgrowing his friendship with difficult child.</p><p></p><p>And I hope that when difficult child vents to him about me, friend will say "awww, your mom isn't that bad..."</p><p></p><p>Yikes, I did not mean to make this thread about me. That wasn't my intent. Just wanted you to know that I struggle too. Obviously, "this boy" is important to your daughter. That may be reason enough to invite him...makes her world a little smaller too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 563200"] Hmmm... I would have him come for dinner. Or if dinner will be too awkward, maybe for dessert. I am of the school that says "Keep your friend's close and your enemies closer." Of course, I don't mean to suggest that he is your enemy. And when you have a difficult child who is SO easily influenced, their friends are a double edged sword. And for me, it's hard to know "who" is a good influence and "who" is the bad influence. Boy, I wish I could figure that out in my own life! difficult child's BEST buddy is an Eagle Scout and honor student who works really hard and is putting himself through school and on the Dean's list. That alone makes me think that he should be a GOOD influence on difficult child. on the other hand, difficult child's partying coincides with the timeline of this friendship, and I imagine that this friend is also a substance user but I am guessing not an addict. He is also one of those free spirit kids, son of easygoing baby boomers who think everything their kids do is wonderful. But all 3 of their kids are high achievers so they may have something there... Anyway, forgive me for rambling. But that ramble above is my turmoil. We all know that forbidden fruit is more appealing. We know that their peers influence them far more than we do - and in the case of difficult children - even far more than normal. Pushing their friends away pushes them away. Their friends are the ones to whom they confess their secrets, to whom they speak to late at night. Ergo, those friends are the people we want on our side. Even if just to say "aww, your mom isn't that bad...", or maybe they are someone to whom we can slip our cell phone number and say "if EVER difficult child is really in trouble, I want to know...I will help, call me FIRST" So when difficult child's friend came by to take him to a concert, I hugged the friend tight, told him he looked wonderful, and wanted to hear about his adventurous internship working in a oil field. And I nodded, and smiled and told him honestly that I admired his work ethic. And I've known him since he was 13, and I really saw a huge change in his maturity. Something I hope may wear off on my son. Sadly, I think that this friend may actually be close to outgrowing his friendship with difficult child. And I hope that when difficult child vents to him about me, friend will say "awww, your mom isn't that bad..." Yikes, I did not mean to make this thread about me. That wasn't my intent. Just wanted you to know that I struggle too. Obviously, "this boy" is important to your daughter. That may be reason enough to invite him...makes her world a little smaller too. [/QUOTE]
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