Hi everyone. I am a new parent on here, and I hope some of you will have some insightful experiences to help me with my difficult child. difficult child is 20 and has been living in his own apartment (that I cosigned for) for 1.5 years. History: husband (his stepfather) and I found out difficult child was smoking pot from another parent. This was when difficult child was a Jr in HS. His grades had always been acceptable, and he was in the HS band and HS musicals. Seemed to be functioning well, so we had no clue. husband and difficult child have never really gotten along well, as I believe their personalities clash (they are alike in some ways) and difficult child was somewhat disrespectful too. I was not a good disciplinarian and many times let difficult child off the hook for things - I believe part of it is that I was compensating for the divorce and that his father was not very involved in his life. Anyway, in the summer between Jr and Sr year, my husband and I went away for a week to our vacation home over the July 4th holiday. difficult child's use of the car had been taken away because of not respecting curfews, and finding pot in it. The car was in the garage with no insurance on it. We were gone about 24 hours when I got a photo texted to me by easy child of the car parked on the street with the caption "I'm not driving it." I promptly went home to handle. When I got home, there was the odor of pot in the house (I had repeatedly warned difficult child to not get himself kicked out for pot in the house). When difficult child came home that evening, I told him that he was going to have to go live with his father - as I could not continue to allow him to break rules. (I should mention that he also burned numerous holes in his bedroom carpet from smoking hookah in there with same friends). difficult child lived with father till October, when his father kicked him out (gave him 1 hour to get everything out). The reason: difficult child would not go to church, and EX did not want a "heathen" living there. difficult child was now 18 in Sr Year. husband said difficult child could not come back to our house, as difficult child was still not behaving right. (we knew there was still pot issues). difficult child went to live with friends, and then eventually moved into a house with some friends. He also worked, and went to school. In May of Sr Year, difficult child had enough of the partying in the house and begged to come home. husband still said no. husband and I got him the apartment, that he now lives in. difficult child has graduated from school, and is working full time, and living in this apartment. Current problem: difficult child is still not living right. Hanging out with bad company. He is in a band with a buddy and talks about "giving up his apartment to go on tour." Crazy idea. He tried community college - and dropped out in a month. He admits to still smoking pot. I got a letter in the mail last week from the apartment complex threatening eviction due to excessive noise between 11pm and 4am, loud music, numerous complaints, and "police action." difficult child claims to be quiet. Last night difficult child comes to our home in a big panic, crying. Wants to talk to me - in private. OHNO!!!! He says he has to get out of his apartment immediately because he is afraid for his life. His apartment was broken into 3 times, but nothing stolen. A girl is harrassing him because she paid him back $20 for a loan, but difficult child claims he didn't get it - that it was stolen. He goes to police station for help (weird) and they tell him he is selling drugs so why should they help him now. I am trying to protect this child from certain destruction and he is so upset, so I offer him a place to sleep for the night. And maybe more. husband gets wind of this and starts screaming and yelling. husband and difficult child almost come to blows. Police show up. Police say difficult child's story is loaded with holes, and it is probably drug money - and that I should be able to see this - and that difficult child is the problem and bringing the problem to my house. husband is crying saying he can't live with difficult child at our house - and that problems follow people, and that we could be having it all here. difficult child leaves and goes home. Today - difficult child is calmed down and says he feels better and will "handle things." I AM SO GUILT RIDDEN I COULD JUST DIE! My heart is breaking. I want so much to help this boy. He says he wants to go to college and get his life together, and I should be helping him. husband says no way will that happen cause difficult child is STILL not doing right - and if he really wanted to straighten his life out - he would. I feel if I don't help difficult child that I am not being a good mother, - that I am turning my back on him. however, husband says we do enough. we consistently bail him out of trouble - including car problems, and a recent hit and run fender bender that we had to go to car for. husband says difficult child is a problem and we need to stear clear. I just can't. HELP. husband says I am enabling him cause i keep bailing him out all the time. husband says he will leave if difficult child comes home to live. Who do I pick? It's not fair that I have to. ME: 53, employed, in college, physically challenged with hip and back stenosis. husband: 36, employed (yes, I'm a cougar!), no natural children difficult child: 20, male easy child: 21, Male, in Sr year of college easy child: 28, Male, married, lives in SW (was not always a easy child). PCGF: 21, lives at our house (not WITH easy child, but is college student too).