hearts_and_thoughts
New Member
I am new to this forum. My difficult child is 22 and my easy child is 20. I've got a long story and will try to keep it short. Reading your post, and all the replies to your post, gave me a little more strength except for one that made me feel guilty for thinking that it would best to kick my son out as if I should continue dealing with abuse because my difficult child has a mental illness.
OK, my kids were in the middle of a very tumultuos marriage and divorce. The DEX and I were in court up to 6 or so years after our divorce due to custody issues. The courts ordered counselling and testing and what not. I followed through, but my DEX didn't. The first time my son hit me was at age 13. His dad clapped his hands and told him "good for you". At age 15, I had to press domestic violence charges against my son. He was diagnosed with adhd and odd. He improved in the group home and was in a special school program for disabilities and continued to do better until he hit 18 and quit school. As part of his release from group home, he was forced to continue as a fire cadet which he joined in group home. When he quit school, he no longer qualified for the fire cadet program. He went downhill from there. He began to abuse me again and I kicked him out at 18. He went to his Dad's and then hooked up with a girlfriend. He got into an accident and hurt his back and started taking vicadin. He pretty much went further downhill and only worked here and there with his dad. His girlfriend used his car for work and had my son babysitting which seemed to be their "arrangement" for him living there. The cars my son had were co-signed by his dad (1st one wrecked, 2nd one wrecked, third one near repossession but father took over the car payments and took the car).
At age 21, my estranged bro showed up with Lou Gehrig's Disease and wanted to move to his hometown to die. I let him move in with me. His disease progressed so quickly that I had to quit my temp jobs and be his caretaker 24/7. My son and brother arranged for my son to move in with us to help out. I wasn't sure it was right but needed help. difficult child did help alot with bro. My home was nearly in foreclosure and I finally sold it two weeks after bro died. For the two months it took for me to move, my son was abusive and demanding and I refused to allow him to even know where I moved.
I decided to go back to school for nursing. My son received a junker car from my bro and lived in that floating place to place and I went off to school. About 3 months ago, difficult child needed financial help and I used my school loans to try to help. Wrong move. Car finally died 2 months ago and difficult child moved in with me cuz he had nowhere else to go and I seemed to forget the abuse and thought I could help him start over. He has no job, money, car and blames me for all of it. We have gotten into physical altercations on a dozen occasions since he has been here. 5 days ago I had a meltdown, just ready to give up and give in, and I let the difficult child take my car and my phone. I had forgotten my debit card was in car and he took the 30 bucks in there and is causing my checking to bounce now. I'm working, on call pt, as home health aide and cannot receive calls for work and have no ride. My son was supposed to come back Christmas night. He has not returned yet. I am going to go to the police station and talk to them to see what my options are. I have no money, no car, no phone and when he returns, I get to look forward to no remorse for his actions. I talked to him a few days ago and told him we needed to go to therapy. He said no. So, I am going to give him the choice to call and set it up and to start getting his GED and actively look for work or he has to leave immediately. He will not leave voluntarily and I will be forced to call the cops. I'm fearful I won't have the courage and strength to do this as I've not been able to do it yet even after all of his horrible actions and behaviors. But enough is enough and I think that I have to keep in mind that I have tried very hard to help him and all it has done is cause me to be in this terrible situation. I had no Christmas, am behind on bills, sitting here with no phone, no car and with a bouncing checking account because I tried to "help" him and because I let him push my buttons. Enough is Enough!! This is ridiculous.
So, thank you guilt ridden for making me think I can do this.
OK, my kids were in the middle of a very tumultuos marriage and divorce. The DEX and I were in court up to 6 or so years after our divorce due to custody issues. The courts ordered counselling and testing and what not. I followed through, but my DEX didn't. The first time my son hit me was at age 13. His dad clapped his hands and told him "good for you". At age 15, I had to press domestic violence charges against my son. He was diagnosed with adhd and odd. He improved in the group home and was in a special school program for disabilities and continued to do better until he hit 18 and quit school. As part of his release from group home, he was forced to continue as a fire cadet which he joined in group home. When he quit school, he no longer qualified for the fire cadet program. He went downhill from there. He began to abuse me again and I kicked him out at 18. He went to his Dad's and then hooked up with a girlfriend. He got into an accident and hurt his back and started taking vicadin. He pretty much went further downhill and only worked here and there with his dad. His girlfriend used his car for work and had my son babysitting which seemed to be their "arrangement" for him living there. The cars my son had were co-signed by his dad (1st one wrecked, 2nd one wrecked, third one near repossession but father took over the car payments and took the car).
At age 21, my estranged bro showed up with Lou Gehrig's Disease and wanted to move to his hometown to die. I let him move in with me. His disease progressed so quickly that I had to quit my temp jobs and be his caretaker 24/7. My son and brother arranged for my son to move in with us to help out. I wasn't sure it was right but needed help. difficult child did help alot with bro. My home was nearly in foreclosure and I finally sold it two weeks after bro died. For the two months it took for me to move, my son was abusive and demanding and I refused to allow him to even know where I moved.
I decided to go back to school for nursing. My son received a junker car from my bro and lived in that floating place to place and I went off to school. About 3 months ago, difficult child needed financial help and I used my school loans to try to help. Wrong move. Car finally died 2 months ago and difficult child moved in with me cuz he had nowhere else to go and I seemed to forget the abuse and thought I could help him start over. He has no job, money, car and blames me for all of it. We have gotten into physical altercations on a dozen occasions since he has been here. 5 days ago I had a meltdown, just ready to give up and give in, and I let the difficult child take my car and my phone. I had forgotten my debit card was in car and he took the 30 bucks in there and is causing my checking to bounce now. I'm working, on call pt, as home health aide and cannot receive calls for work and have no ride. My son was supposed to come back Christmas night. He has not returned yet. I am going to go to the police station and talk to them to see what my options are. I have no money, no car, no phone and when he returns, I get to look forward to no remorse for his actions. I talked to him a few days ago and told him we needed to go to therapy. He said no. So, I am going to give him the choice to call and set it up and to start getting his GED and actively look for work or he has to leave immediately. He will not leave voluntarily and I will be forced to call the cops. I'm fearful I won't have the courage and strength to do this as I've not been able to do it yet even after all of his horrible actions and behaviors. But enough is enough and I think that I have to keep in mind that I have tried very hard to help him and all it has done is cause me to be in this terrible situation. I had no Christmas, am behind on bills, sitting here with no phone, no car and with a bouncing checking account because I tried to "help" him and because I let him push my buttons. Enough is Enough!! This is ridiculous.
So, thank you guilt ridden for making me think I can do this.
