I'm trying to stay strong, but it's hard to push for difficult child going to Residential Treatment Center (RTC), or at least staying in psychiatric hospital a bit longer, until extensive services are set up at home, when his b-day is tomorrow. I feel guilty about it. I'm afraid of how the PO, then the judge are going to handle this and where they are going to end up sending difficult child. Especially after hearing a poster on my last thread saying her child was sent to the grandparents. If they send my son to my family or this juvy prison, I don't know if I can handle it. On top of that, difficult child was talking tonight and I'm not sure how worried I should be about what he said. We were walking thru the hospital (off the ward) and waiting for the cafeteria to open so he asked to see the chapel. We don't go to church regularly, but he has been to a few different ones several times so is not ignorant about churches and he asks about religion sometimes, so we discuss various beliefs (non-prejudically) and spirituality, and the faith that I believe, which in part, includes people making their own choice about their religious faith. Anyway, we went into the chapel and it being small with just a few chairs set up and lit dimly, difficult child said it looked weird. Then he said he was almost scared in there because God does not like him. I asked why he would say that, that He loves everyone. And he said that He wouldn't like him because he's bad. I tried to make light of it and said "Oh, so He only cares about perfect people- huh?" Then as we were walking down the hall, difficult child said it wasn't about religion. He said it was that he knew he'd done a lot of bad things and he just didn't care. I looked a little shocked, I'm sure, and asked about it. He said that well, he did care, but not as much as others. He said he could tell because of the way everyone talks in group. And he said that he didn't care what others thought of him. Now, last week, I went to talk to difficult child's therapist to tell him about difficult child being in psychiatric hospital again. He can't/won't betray difficult child's trust but did discuss (briefly) a couple of things that difficult child and he are working on, which I already knew. One is about how hard it has been on difficult child this past year since losing his best friend and being basicly ostracized from that whole group of friends that socialize with the other boy. difficult child has been very hurt by it and he's had great trouble meeting new friends, except for that one boy who has big problems of his own and I don't want difficult child hanging around him. The other thing we discussed was difficult child saying "he just didn't care" about a whole lot of things. therapist said he wasn't convinced that difficult child didn't really care, but he was working with him to take action that showed he cares. I told him that I agree, because people who don't really care don't have their feelings hurt, because they don't care, right? But, after difficult child said all this today- how worried should I be about this? The bright side (if there is one) is that difficult child was honest about it. Does this sound more like depression or lack of conscience?