I have been thinking about this so much in the past few months. Despite really working on it for 2 years-I still wonder what I could have done to prevent difficult children abuse. While I don't talk to her about it, our therapist thinks it "oozes out", difficult child senses it and uses it in her favor. She has thrown it in my face on 2 occations in the last year-really hurt. We have done the best we could at each stage-I believe getting better and learning new things as we needed to learn. Last night our therapist said that he thinks difficult child may need a change of venue. At first he didn't think it was a good idea to throw her out at 18 but give her a chance to go to school, reset boundaries and try therapy again. She now refuses to see him(the guy she picked from the first Residential Treatment Center (RTC)), has been defiant about our phone rules and contributing to the family with chores. I don't know what will happen at court on Friday-they may lock her up, put her in a work camp, another Residential Treatment Center (RTC) ( I doubt this), or send her home on probabtion. No matter what, we cannot go on having our house so tense and our sensors up at every turn. My experience is that when she gets finished with any court orders or gets out of RTCs she goes right back to the bull. He said that he does not think is unreasonable to tell her she can't be here if she isn't in therapy and working a program. She accuses us of forcing her into everything. Of course that pulls at my efforts to let go and let God. I know I did the best I could all along the way intellectually, but emotionally, guilt still rears its ugly head. How do you all deal with these feelings and rid yourself of them?