Had our 504 meeting

[StressedM0mma]

And, I so wish I would have met this psychologist at the beginning of the year. He is amazing. He took over, and basically ordered the guidance counselor around. Told him what to do to help difficult child, and how things were going to be. Psychologist asked a bunch of questions about difficult child, and mentioned something that I have been questioning myself. He asked if we thought difficult child could be an Aspie kid. I told him I thought possibly. He wants to have us fill out some questionnaire, and gave us the name of a specialist to see. So, we will see what comes of it.

 

[InsaneCdn]

There is NOTHING worth more, in my opinion, than having a specialist on YOUR side, willing to tackle the school head on.
We're "just" parents... when a specialist says this stuff? Harder (not impossible, but harder) to ignore.

Wow.

 

[DDD]

I'm so happy for you. Fingers crossed that he remains available for you in the future. Hugs DDD

 

[AnnieO]

I want one of those!!!! WOOHOO!!!

I'm so glad you have this guy!!!

 

[buddy]

I always say it takes ONE hero to turn things around. This is amazing news!

 

[somerset]

That is wonderful! The psychologist at our first 504 started with, "So how are we going to keep her from taking advantage of this?" I don't think she was really even a psychologist. Anyway, do you have to pay for the outside specialist or is the school going to cover it?

 

[StressedM0mma]

We will probably have to pay oop for the evaluation. He just recommended that we meet with her. He worded it so that it was up to us if we choose to follow up with this or not. I think I may have difficult child meet with her, but I am not sure we would ever tell difficult child what the results were. If she is an Aspie it would explain a ton. But with difficult child, she would fully use this to her advantage, and blame everything on that. She would use it as a huge crutch. So we are torn on what to do. On the one side, it would help us understand her alot more and know "why" she is the way she is. But, on the other, difficult child would manipulate this to the ends of the earth. So... ??

 

[InsaneCdn]

If she really IS an Aspie? Then there's TONS of ways that YOU can manipulate that situation... because once you understand how Aspie's think, it's a whole different world... and you learn how to present things to them so they get it, and how to rebuttal the Aspie thinking that doesn't work, and so on. Huge, huge learning curve... but... to me, answers are worth it.

 

[StressedM0mma]

IC, but would you tell her that she is an Aspie? That is where we are having issues. We would like to know so we could manipulate situations, but not sure we would want her to know. We are talking about a kid that tests beyond off the charts. I do not want her or school to lower expectations because of it.

 

[InsaneCdn]

There's others on the board more expert on Aspies than me... like Marg and Trinity and a raft of others.

But... I know that for us... we ended up testing for it, and... came up with the best of both worlds... difficult child "doesn't meet diagnostic cutoffs" for anything in the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) world... but he does have "clincially significant traits". Which means, HE can't claim to be Aspie or need to get out of things because of being Aspie... but WE know which parts of him ARE Aspie... and can adjust how we approach things. What he got told? "Not Aspie".

 

[StressedM0mma]

I have a feeling that is where we will end up. I see areas where she screams aspie, and other areas where is is typical. So, your "diagnosis would be the best for us as well.

 

[confuzzled]

There's others on the board more expert on Aspies than me... like Marg and Trinity and a raft of others.

But... I know that for us... we ended up testing for it, and... came up with the best of both worlds... difficult child "doesn't meet diagnostic cutoffs" for anything in the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) world... but he does have "clincially significant traits". Which means, HE can't claim to be Aspie or need to get out of things because of being Aspie... but WE know which parts of him ARE Aspie... and can adjust how we approach things. What he got told? "Not Aspie".

this is our story too, and exactly what we did.

this will not be the popular opinion, but its all mine. sorry in advance if it offends anyone.

i see no need to tell my child something that even experts can't agree on. mine has enough self esteem issues that it would be just.one.more.thing.

for us, its just a label. if it gets you appropriate help and services, great.

but really, what purpose would it serve to tell her something of that nature at this point? as an adult it might be useful to know.

from a teenage perspective, what would it change?

and from a mom's perspective--while it might explain some things and might direct you on things to focus on, you wouldnt love her any less---she's still the same person she was when she was label-less.

dont misunderstand either...i'm very much a believe in being honest with kids, teaching them self advocacy, and letting them come to terms with their stuff. i just have a hard time setting something in stone based on surveys and test scores that may/may not/nobody really knows/depends on who you ask.

but by all means have her evaluated for educational purposes, and if you ask me, if that psy feels that strongly about it, i'd call him and suggest she be FULLY evaluated for all educationally related issues and underlying learning differences--then ask what the address is to send the letter to formally request it.

 

[StressedM0mma]

Thanks Confuzzled. That is kind of where I am coming from. While it might help us parent her, what benefit would it bring to her? At this point nothing. I truly feel at this time it would cause more harm than good. So while I will have her evaluated, I have no intention of having it be part of her "label"

 

[buddy]

I agree actually. Not in all cases, but in yours and anyone who knows their kid would not deal with it well. There are some kids who do better being told because it is a relief. It is such a personal thing. I know a kid who wanted to die because he simply didn't get why no one would be in his groups in classes and why were they so mean on the playground etc.... Finally his parents felt it was better to help him understand and he did NOT use it as an excuse, it helped him realize there were lots of people like him, he had special talents in other ways and THAT is why he goes to the classes to help him learn about how to have friends etc...and it would happen for him. For Q it is in the middle, so obvious because he is in an autism class so I had to say, yeah, you do have autism. But there are times he does say.... dont you get it I have autism??? I say well lots of people have autism but they dont all try to hurt their moms! He says I KNOW that!!! blah blah blah.

It is so one of those go with your gut things. Some day, if she needs accommodations in college you may need to have the talk and then you can explain it in a way that talks not only about the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) spectrum but honestly there is a HUGE spectrum or variations of Aspergers too.....so even if she actually gets the diagnosis, you will have plenty of time to work out how to tell her if ever.....

Our kids are not their labels. That is for sure.

 

[confuzzled]

i think too the difference is in these late diagnosis's.

if a child knew very early on and you were 100% sure thats what it is, it may be a different story.

and i'm also not implying we should "hide" things from our kids...i just believe you better darn well be sure before you tell them.

but we are talking about teens that are getting "maybe" labels. its not like there is a blood test that says THIS.IS.IT! its all really, in my opinion, pretty subjective, irregardless of some of the specific testing...the ADOS, the "gold standard", is still survey based.

teens have enough personal worries without adding something that may or may not be accurate.

and honestly, may be such a fluid diagnosis that it might be called something completely different in adulthood. or nothing.

not everyone that is quirky is on the spectrum.

i've said before--i happen to live in an extremely progressive state for the autism pop...and one can make the arguement that the huge increase in that pop is due to people moving here for better services...but one can also make the argument that the label is now the "flavor of the day" here. i can just say one thing for sure--the specialists that all feel my daughter *might* be somewhere on the spectrum just coincidentally happen to be autism specialists-and no, i don't think these particular specialists have any crystal ball expertise...what they have is a practice. in which bills need to be paid for.

but that of course is all speculation.

 

[StressedM0mma]

Thanks for that Buddy. I wasn't sure what sort of reaction I would get when I said that. She is dealing with so much right now. I just fell that it would just be "one more thing" I am so glad that people here are so understanding.