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Had to ask difficult child to leave..
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<blockquote data-quote="emotionallybankrupt" data-source="post: 316129" data-attributes="member: 8226"><p>This process of in and out, and the uncertainty over when difficult child would want to come by for another armful, was keeping me tense all the time. So...I decided one weekend (without telling her what I was doing, of course), to go through and box everything I considered to be hers and put it into storage. This has its rough spots emotionally, but I'm so glad I packed it all up myself. It gave me a chance to "rescue" irreplaceable, sentimental items (photos, especially) to box and store safely away here at home, in hopes she will one day grow up. It also gave me a chance to find in all her clutter a few things she had accused me of taking from "her" room. I of course boxed and labeled those things VERY prominently. I had known the whole time they were there, but access to the bedroom was always a territorial fight.</p><p> </p><p>In the end, I thought of a friend who had extra garage space and has been in a tough financial spot lately. I asked if she would like to be the "storage facility" and let me pay her instead. The deal was for me to pay her for 30 days storage and tell difficult child that she would have to either make arrangements to get it all within that time or pay for storage beyond that time frame.</p><p> </p><p>My friend loved the idea, and she is the personality to be able to put the boundaries on difficult child nicely but firmly with no trouble, as far as rules of access. When the time came, I let difficult child know she had no more things here anymore and would have to call and arrange with this other person (that difficult child knows very well too) to get "her" stuff. difficult child was stunned that I had moved it all--furniture too--and even more stunned to realize that she no longer had reason to come by the house.</p><p> </p><p>As for me, I can't describe the calming effect, to know that there would be no more spur of the moment appearances at the house. Also, I was able to figure out how to put that room into good use, totally different, and no longer just a blatant reminder of the absence. I felt SO much better immediately, and I think it was a very healthy and concrete step toward my own moving forward with my other child.</p><p> </p><p>By the way, in the brainstorming process my first thought was to put the stuff in a storage unit, pay for a set amount of time, and turn over the keys to difficult child with the understanding that after that point she'd be responsible for either getting or losing the stuff. Very bad idea, a friend pointed out to me. If anything illegal ever turned up in there and the storage unit was in your name, you might not be able to get out of the bind. The friend who let me in on this piece of wisdom knew of a parent who actually went to jail for a short time for such a circumstance.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="emotionallybankrupt, post: 316129, member: 8226"] This process of in and out, and the uncertainty over when difficult child would want to come by for another armful, was keeping me tense all the time. So...I decided one weekend (without telling her what I was doing, of course), to go through and box everything I considered to be hers and put it into storage. This has its rough spots emotionally, but I'm so glad I packed it all up myself. It gave me a chance to "rescue" irreplaceable, sentimental items (photos, especially) to box and store safely away here at home, in hopes she will one day grow up. It also gave me a chance to find in all her clutter a few things she had accused me of taking from "her" room. I of course boxed and labeled those things VERY prominently. I had known the whole time they were there, but access to the bedroom was always a territorial fight. In the end, I thought of a friend who had extra garage space and has been in a tough financial spot lately. I asked if she would like to be the "storage facility" and let me pay her instead. The deal was for me to pay her for 30 days storage and tell difficult child that she would have to either make arrangements to get it all within that time or pay for storage beyond that time frame. My friend loved the idea, and she is the personality to be able to put the boundaries on difficult child nicely but firmly with no trouble, as far as rules of access. When the time came, I let difficult child know she had no more things here anymore and would have to call and arrange with this other person (that difficult child knows very well too) to get "her" stuff. difficult child was stunned that I had moved it all--furniture too--and even more stunned to realize that she no longer had reason to come by the house. As for me, I can't describe the calming effect, to know that there would be no more spur of the moment appearances at the house. Also, I was able to figure out how to put that room into good use, totally different, and no longer just a blatant reminder of the absence. I felt SO much better immediately, and I think it was a very healthy and concrete step toward my own moving forward with my other child. By the way, in the brainstorming process my first thought was to put the stuff in a storage unit, pay for a set amount of time, and turn over the keys to difficult child with the understanding that after that point she'd be responsible for either getting or losing the stuff. Very bad idea, a friend pointed out to me. If anything illegal ever turned up in there and the storage unit was in your name, you might not be able to get out of the bind. The friend who let me in on this piece of wisdom knew of a parent who actually went to jail for a short time for such a circumstance. [/QUOTE]
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