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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 198552" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>L is behaving like the little kid whose parent's just got divorced and she wants them back together. She is trying to build a fairy tale life of her family. </p><p> </p><p>Tell L that you are glad that she gets a long with all members of the family. Everyone loves her, however, life changes and this one is none of her business. Yes, it hurts when people you love do not get along, however, it is a matter of fact and she can not control what goes on between other people.</p><p> </p><p>This is a private issue between you and your dad.</p><p> </p><p>I am sorry that the most common of family problems hit you big time - $$$$ amongst siblings. It was wrong of your siblings to expect you to give something you did not have. 20/20 maybe you could have suggested bypassing the monetary contribution in lieu of putting in more time. "We don't have the means to give financially, however, I would like to make it up by putting in extra hours in setting up and cleaning up."</p><p> </p><p>I hate the "share expenses equally" when there is always someone who has so much less than someone else. My parents have provided more financial support to my siblings than to me because my siblings need it more. They did help me at one point when I was single. I have no ill feelings toward any of my siblings for what they get from my parents nor toward my parents for not giving equal to me. When my parents needed help moving, it was husband and I that was able to help the most with our time. I know we all help each other as we can - monetary or timewise. We don't compare or question.</p><p> </p><p>Your father sounds a lot like mine. Once they hold a grudge, they have it for life. My dad has pretty much disowned one of my sisters for her disrepect of my mom (sent her a nasty Mother's Day card out of the blue). I don't see him ever opening up - he won't even allow her kids into his house. My sister has forgiven Mom but not Dad. There is no way that I am going to get involved in that one - My youngest sister has more insight and can see my sister's point of view whereas I can see my parent's point of view. No one will be able to reach either one of them - very sad but to add fuel to the flames would make it worse. My feelings are between me and my dad and me and my sister, I will not drag anyone else into it.</p><p> </p><p>The best L can do is to support both you and your dad to each other. She must hold true to both of you and not choose sides. "Yes, Grandpa, I know you are angry with mom but I was not part of that and I love her so please don't disrespect her to me." and vice versa - She does not hear disrepect from you about your dad. I hope your dad is not using her as a sounding board over this. That would be what is keeping this fresh. He needs to leave L out of the loop.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 198552, member: 5096"] L is behaving like the little kid whose parent's just got divorced and she wants them back together. She is trying to build a fairy tale life of her family. Tell L that you are glad that she gets a long with all members of the family. Everyone loves her, however, life changes and this one is none of her business. Yes, it hurts when people you love do not get along, however, it is a matter of fact and she can not control what goes on between other people. This is a private issue between you and your dad. I am sorry that the most common of family problems hit you big time - $$$$ amongst siblings. It was wrong of your siblings to expect you to give something you did not have. 20/20 maybe you could have suggested bypassing the monetary contribution in lieu of putting in more time. "We don't have the means to give financially, however, I would like to make it up by putting in extra hours in setting up and cleaning up." I hate the "share expenses equally" when there is always someone who has so much less than someone else. My parents have provided more financial support to my siblings than to me because my siblings need it more. They did help me at one point when I was single. I have no ill feelings toward any of my siblings for what they get from my parents nor toward my parents for not giving equal to me. When my parents needed help moving, it was husband and I that was able to help the most with our time. I know we all help each other as we can - monetary or timewise. We don't compare or question. Your father sounds a lot like mine. Once they hold a grudge, they have it for life. My dad has pretty much disowned one of my sisters for her disrepect of my mom (sent her a nasty Mother's Day card out of the blue). I don't see him ever opening up - he won't even allow her kids into his house. My sister has forgiven Mom but not Dad. There is no way that I am going to get involved in that one - My youngest sister has more insight and can see my sister's point of view whereas I can see my parent's point of view. No one will be able to reach either one of them - very sad but to add fuel to the flames would make it worse. My feelings are between me and my dad and me and my sister, I will not drag anyone else into it. The best L can do is to support both you and your dad to each other. She must hold true to both of you and not choose sides. "Yes, Grandpa, I know you are angry with mom but I was not part of that and I love her so please don't disrespect her to me." and vice versa - She does not hear disrepect from you about your dad. I hope your dad is not using her as a sounding board over this. That would be what is keeping this fresh. He needs to leave L out of the loop. [/QUOTE]
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