had to share this...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jena, Apr 1, 2011.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    yea i know the endless husband drama. yet i had to share this with all of you because it's soo off the wall. it's absurd.

    actually has zero to do with me. husband and i haven't come to any great conclusions..... life is too hectic, sounds odd to say yet you know how it goes...... my truck broke down the other day on way back from court with-easy child 2,100 dollars later. can you believe it?? we had to fix it because we're still paying it off, it's a used truck.

    anyway point of my story....... husband is miserable. yup just oddly strangely weird. so we did talk for a bit the other night. i told him listen i'm getting my girls under control somewhat yet you have alot of ex drama junk still,, it's a bit much...

    than he went on to tell me what had occured that day, kept asking do you want to know? i kept saying nope. than he said you should know.......

    so he went on to say the day that i couldnt' drive my stepson to rehearsal due to my truck being broke and ex went off the wall, began texting husband (the day he supposedly said to her i'm miserable with my wife; blah blah) well......

    he apparentley lost it on her finally and said if it wasn't for the maintenance i still give you we would have a new truck yet you can't stand on your own two feet without my money! she went in for the kill something fierce. he's ridiculous he let her bait him and responded.......

    she told him i hate your wife nothing new lol, your the reason i turned GAY OMG. she said if you were a more attentive and loving husband i wouldn't of ventured into that world. on and on it went. he apparentley told her off and back and forth they went.

    did i feel bad? i don't know.... it's his fault, he engaged with-her. i told him that. i said when your done with a marriage you don't engage anymore if it's about past junk. it's that simple. he said yet she made me so mad. i said well it's a real mess. he said that her saying that to him didnt' affect him. yea ok. maybe that's why he repeated it like 4x.

    i know i go on about him and i and share alot. yet seperate for a moment. this woman is horrible. she really is, to her children at times abusive flat out abusive, now to him on and off for four years and now she's gone in for the kill.

    i feel like a bit of a jerk, i mean on here im super reactive it's venting time. yet in reality my world i take it, swallow etc. i've swallowed so much. whether him and i are working out or not what is this junk?

    be honest wouldn't you guys just want to finally go off on her? i mean really plant her and say enough is enough he's not your husband you have absolutely no right you lunatic?! i mean there were like 30 texts of her's and maybe 12 of his. she's relentless to no end. if it's not text it's phone calls at store, phone calls on his cell. imean i get they have 3 kids together yet it does not give someone the right to do this when their married to someone else. it's kinda of insane. i'm not the arguing type at all. i like peace and calm. yet he turned her gay now? i mean come on......
     
  2. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm glad he let her have it. She deserved it. Now stop letting her have so much control!
     
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    that's what i told him. i said life is so short, it goes by in the blink of an eye...... why waste all this time doing this to yourself, what's the gain? she's a mess, that's her journey to take. yet she chose to leave you on that journey and went off on her own. you need to do the same now. just be happy and grateful for each day you wake up and have.......

    hard to teach someone that though. he's the only one that can shut it down
     
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    in my humble opinion, while not perfect, I consider this an improvement over his previous hoovering it up and jumping every time she said so, and it's likely a good thing he finally got that off his plate and out in the open.
     
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i agree, yet sadly enough it's just another bump in the road i think...... these past two months i've really learned so much just going inward one of which is to just be grateful for each day and to consciously live each day. i sound like a mantra yet you know what i mean.....
     
  6. troubled

    troubled Guest

    My first thought was that if my ex told me that it was my fault that he were gay.. I would laugh. I would say he should be thanking me for giving him the opportunity to find his "true self". That is, if I could think fast enough. I don't think it's funny for the kids involved but they're usually pretty resilient when it comes to stuff like that.
     
    Lasted edited by : Apr 1, 2011
  7. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    You are right in that he is the only one that will be able to shut this down. He has to set up boundaries with her and force her to stay within them. A list of what she is allowed to contact him for - and all ONLY about the kids - times when she is allowed to contact him (make it once a week or month unless there is an emergency) - length of time she has to contact him (in that once a week kid review time she does not get to take up to four or five hours of his time). That relationship is over - PERIOD!!! Life can not go one well if they BOTH do not accept that.

    I would be so tempted to get him a 2nd phone that she is not allowed to know the number of. Keep the current phone available just for her to contact him. He is not to look at it but once a day for emergencies with the kids.

    Nothing will change until HE decides to commit to a change. Sounds like maybe he is finally waking up to the idea?
     
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It is about time he lost it with her, in my opinion. Support him in doing this - even if you are not sure about hte marriage lasting. Cause he NEEDS to know it is okay to be mad at her and to tell HER about it and tell her to go slurp an egg.

    You CANNOT go tell her that he isn't hers anymore and she has to leave him alone. That, my dear, is a CHALLENGE. Right now, he isn't strong enough to do it completely, but he seems to be taking a step in the right direction. While I know you don't want to hear about her, you may be the only person he feels it is safe to vent to on this issue. For a LONG TIME in his life, probably the entire marriage and dating relationship, he has gotten a strong, clear message that being angry at her is wrong, or at best is not okay. So he is going to mess up a ton, but if he can keep taking these steps and letting himself be angry at HER and tell her off about it, it will benefit him and the kids and you in the long run.
     
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I think Andy's telephone idea has potential as a defuser. If texting is the main means of communication between the two of them he could calmly say "if our children are involved feel free to text otherwise let's take a break and go about our separate lives". Then "here is a separate phone number for those texts". I imagine he wouldn't want to change his number for everyone else since it probably is important for his business. Good idea Andy. DDD
     
  10. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    We had to have the COURT order this... And it still doesn't work 100%.

    BM called and texted me so much - and had the kids call ME and demand money (with her in the background) and other stuff - husband finally told her on the website never to contact me unless it was an EMERGENCY involving the kids. Period.

    That did not work, so I had to report her to cops for harassment. She still has Jett call for her occasionally - but never my phone.

    Fact is - you're right, HE has to shut her down. And she will continue - so he needs to stop engaging her. But that is up to HIM.

    on the other hand? He did need to go off on her!!! Way To Go for him... It's a positive sign. Keep your chin up sweetheart!
     
  11. Jena

    Jena New Member

    we're going to block her today from text messaging him if we can and just allow the phone calls. yet we arent sure if we can do that yet were going to try. this way she has to be forced to call him, and be polite otherwise he hangs up on her. i just keep saying wow life is too short for all of this

    i told him last night you and i who truly knows yet i am your friend if nothing else. i said i am really happy with the place i'm in, the life i'm creating for myself and not to be mean yet the story of you and ex is old now, tiring and too dramatic infused with turmoil on a daily basis that i do not want or need in my life. i will walk away in time if it doesnt' stop this is no way to live. truthfully, again i dont' want to be mean yet besides financially i really dont need him.

    yet i do hear everyone's take on stability etc. yet jen has to be happy too :)

    on a seperate note, take me out of it. have you guys ever heard of a woman with so much stuff, i mean contd stuff this is 5 going on 6 years now and its' been fairly consistent abuse, etc.
     
  12. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    My mother had a perfect, deadly technique for punishing ME. She would look right past me, as if I had become invisible. She acted as if she could neither hear me nor see me. This was painfully effective because I started to wonder if I had ever existed at all.

    I don't think "planting" would work with the ex, it would validate her feelings that you are a hysterical problem in her life. It would be better, in my opinion, to act as if she had no power over your life. I would use some type of visualization to detach from this loony toons. She really went for your H's jugular by attacking his manhood.
     
  13. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    His ex seems to have a nasty case of ...ahem... "cigar envy".
     
  14. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Jen... Yes, actually I have.

    BM swore if husband divorced her she would make his life hell.

    Well, she's doing a bang-up job, I'll say that. 9 years later... UGH!
     
  15. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    "Darling, I love you and you are a fabulous lover. But if someone is a lesbian, that's what they are. They can try to kid themselves and often try to blame, but if you were so bad at it, would I have married you? She's just lashing out to try to hurt you, and she is succeeding. But I am on your side. Let ME reply to her text from your phone. I'll put my name on it, let her know that we are blocking her texts from this point on, BOTH of us, your decision but I endorse it."

    One more thought - she's a lesbian, partnered with someone. But she hates YOU. Why? She did not have any reason to. She left long before you came on the scene. Technically she had no unfinished business with him. You and she should be good friends, not enemies. It sounds like pure possessiveness and jealousy to me. He's like an old cardigan she's outgrown but can't bear to let someone else use, so she would prefer the cardigan get eaten by moths in her wardrobe, unseen, only to be taken out and sniffed at every so often. But never to let it see the light of day...

    Marg
     
  16. Jena

    Jena New Member

    well she's blocked. she cant call or text his cell anymore........ he couldnt' do it from restaraunt today it was too busy so i said ok i'll do it. so she can call his cell from the house phone or she can call the store regarding kids. let's see how long husband keeps this in place. he feels so overly guilty about the kids its sick.

    the little one my step daughter will often text him from her phone cute little texts, she'll be ten. so i said ok we'll just get her a phone than. i already feel relieved. hopefully he won't break and he'll keep it this way. no more interruptions on the days we have them, no more texts the entire time we are ata family function on a holiday, no more any of it.

    i agree, i can't say anything silly thought. nor would i want to even upset myself by doing so.i always say think of your goal here...... what would you like to obtain?

    Step i had no idea you go thru this too, she's jealous and does same? Haozi that's pretty funny lol and yea i'd say so...... marg excellent example with the sweater, nail on head. she's hated me since day one everything i am, stand for etc. if i was a different person, mean to her kids, useless it may be easier for her.

    we'll see what happens...... him and i are still the mess we always are. yet take this out of the scenario let's see what happens. my personal mark is september once im working somewhere earning and difficult child's in school. yet it should be interesting to see if there is a lower in anxiety arguments etc. if she isnt' in his phone texting him everytime he's with me.

    we originally only wanted to block text yet verizon doesn't work that way so i had to do a full block. he may not like that. yet if she can reach him at the store when he's working about kids, and from house phone only place she can't is when sh'es out and about. yet my thing is she lost the right to have that type of communication with you. we came to this idea the other night.

    he thinks sh'es going to come after me something fierce. we only blocked his line because it costs for each line to add usage controls too. i'm glad my truck isn't here, it's still in shop. she's really crazy i dont' trust her at all!
     
  17. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Yes, but do give pause to the idea that you could be right where you are at right now with difficult child, and you HAVE to make money, also. Not that I'm one for staying for money, but really think hard about that...you're essentially on your own with difficult child now....do you really wanna be on your own AND having to pay the bills, too? (I'm not answering this question for you...just make sure you give it a realistic look)

    Yeah...look at this board.
     
  18. Jena

    Jena New Member

    LOL your funny.......
     
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