SuZir
Well-Known Member
difficult child is okay. If he gets really lucky I or his dad will not kill him either. Though that is still under consideration. Those were the good news.
I got one of those wake-ups one doesn't want. Call from the 'official' number. I first thought difficult child had gotten himself into jail, instead he was in the hospital and wanted a phone number of his former coach/mentor figure to ask for dry clothes and a ride. Getting even that out from him required some serious work, but in the end I think I do have most important facts (many came from his mentor with whom I have had few long calls today.)
difficult child's latest gig ended last week and he was back to his old town for two days to have his psychiatrist and therapist appointments and meet friends. Next gig is lined up starting Monday. He had been clubbing Friday night with the friend he was staying. However some way he found himself falling from the bridge to water before 6 a.m. Saturday morning. Mind you, it is almost -20 F around here. I don't know if it was heavy stream that kept the water open or kept open for boats or why it was open water, but I do know he fell, and was incredibly lucky to be able pull himself out - and even luckier there happened to be an early dog walker who heard the splash and called emergency number and helped him once he was out from the water. In that weather, even after getting himself out from the water, he would probably had 10 or 15 minutes time to coherently look for help, after that hypothermia would had done it's deed. Just couple weeks ago a refugee was dead only an hour after getting over border river in Estonia, and it was much warmer there at the time. And just getting himself out from the water - that Whelp has more lives than a cat.
Okay, it is clear that once in the water he put on one helluva fight for his life. And he adamantly denies any other self-destructive behaviour except extreme idiocy. He claims he just got this idea to walk on the rail of the bridge and it was slippery and he fell. Why he was out that time was because he was walking from 'somewhere' to his friend's house, according difficult child's former coach the friend tells he left difficult child to the club around midnight with 'some girl.' (Bridge happens to be on the route from where his former girlfriend and her new boyfriend lives to friend's house, and new boyfriend happens to be on the road with his team over the weekend. I don't care if difficult child and ex-girlfriend keep screwing each other but it causes me some worry over his mood when he fell.)
I could buy the idea this was because extreme impulsiveness if he would had been drunk, and he does say he drank quite a lot at the club, but then again he is a big guy and many in my family have very effective livers and he did turn out sober both in breathalyzer and tox screen in hospital. He can be a total idiot for such the smart boy, but he is not totally clueless. We are avid outdoors people, he absolutely knows better than get himself fall in the water in - 20 F.
This is also far from the first time when difficult child gets himself in danger with elements when he is upset. One time could be a coincidence, but two times is a habit, three is a pattern and after that it is about statistical evidence. And difficult child is well in the stats area here.
However, when he did hit the water, he certainly didn't have any plans to die any more (it really takes a lot to get yourself out in those conditions, he was extremely lucky to be so young and good shape he is.) This certainly wasn't done for attention or 'cry for help' either, not only does he deny any suicidal ideation (and did so also to police and in hospital) I'm quite sure we would have never heard about this, had his phone not gone dead in the cold water. Our numbers were only ones he remembered and he had to call us to get a number of his mentor in the town, because they were not letting him go from the hospital without dry clothes and a ride. I sincerely think that had his phone worked, he would had called his friend to help and sworn him to secrecy.
I don't believe this was right out, planned suicide attempt, but my gut says it wasn't an honest accident either. I can imagine him playing with an idea and standing on the rail and then slipping from icy rail. One thing that makes me believe that scenario, is, that he actually admits being an idiot. He is not blaming this or that for the fall, but tells he was an idiot and reckless and so on. That is not like him and tells me he is lying and admitting a lesser 'charge' to avoid truth coming out.
He is already home now, or just now in in-laws. He had a huge fight with husband (scared is one of the feelings husband doesn't do well) and to be honest, I too went straight from scared to angry over this one. This has not been a fun day over here, but they have not come to blows at least. husband doesn't want to hear a word about it being anything else than plain reckless idiocy. I just am far from sure about that.
IF this was more than dumb accident, I'm clueless how to react. Try to talk to him and convince him he has to talk about it with his therapist? Try to give therapist a heads-up? Though that could be difficult because confidentiality issues, both him even talking with me and also that would be a huge breach of trust in difficult child's mind. Try to talk him to reconsider his next gig (all two weeks, though likely to turn rest of the season and at home (in meaning in this country and less than two hours away)) and take some time to recover? That is not going to happen, I think. Try to talk him to get a new therapist he actually can see in person? Again, this darn two-week/two months at tops gig. Tell his psychiatrist my worries about possible depressive symptoms he showed after Christmas and this? Again, would that mean he would not want to meet that psychiatrist again? Warn the doctor of his new team? Something I would really loathe to do, and extreme breach of trust, if you ask difficult child. And again husband doesn't even want to hear there could be anything but plain stupidity involved.
I'm not actually worried difficult child would make a real suicide attempt soon. I do believe he certainly decided against dying when he hit that water. However I'm really worried about less direct self-destruction.
I got one of those wake-ups one doesn't want. Call from the 'official' number. I first thought difficult child had gotten himself into jail, instead he was in the hospital and wanted a phone number of his former coach/mentor figure to ask for dry clothes and a ride. Getting even that out from him required some serious work, but in the end I think I do have most important facts (many came from his mentor with whom I have had few long calls today.)
difficult child's latest gig ended last week and he was back to his old town for two days to have his psychiatrist and therapist appointments and meet friends. Next gig is lined up starting Monday. He had been clubbing Friday night with the friend he was staying. However some way he found himself falling from the bridge to water before 6 a.m. Saturday morning. Mind you, it is almost -20 F around here. I don't know if it was heavy stream that kept the water open or kept open for boats or why it was open water, but I do know he fell, and was incredibly lucky to be able pull himself out - and even luckier there happened to be an early dog walker who heard the splash and called emergency number and helped him once he was out from the water. In that weather, even after getting himself out from the water, he would probably had 10 or 15 minutes time to coherently look for help, after that hypothermia would had done it's deed. Just couple weeks ago a refugee was dead only an hour after getting over border river in Estonia, and it was much warmer there at the time. And just getting himself out from the water - that Whelp has more lives than a cat.
Okay, it is clear that once in the water he put on one helluva fight for his life. And he adamantly denies any other self-destructive behaviour except extreme idiocy. He claims he just got this idea to walk on the rail of the bridge and it was slippery and he fell. Why he was out that time was because he was walking from 'somewhere' to his friend's house, according difficult child's former coach the friend tells he left difficult child to the club around midnight with 'some girl.' (Bridge happens to be on the route from where his former girlfriend and her new boyfriend lives to friend's house, and new boyfriend happens to be on the road with his team over the weekend. I don't care if difficult child and ex-girlfriend keep screwing each other but it causes me some worry over his mood when he fell.)
I could buy the idea this was because extreme impulsiveness if he would had been drunk, and he does say he drank quite a lot at the club, but then again he is a big guy and many in my family have very effective livers and he did turn out sober both in breathalyzer and tox screen in hospital. He can be a total idiot for such the smart boy, but he is not totally clueless. We are avid outdoors people, he absolutely knows better than get himself fall in the water in - 20 F.
This is also far from the first time when difficult child gets himself in danger with elements when he is upset. One time could be a coincidence, but two times is a habit, three is a pattern and after that it is about statistical evidence. And difficult child is well in the stats area here.
However, when he did hit the water, he certainly didn't have any plans to die any more (it really takes a lot to get yourself out in those conditions, he was extremely lucky to be so young and good shape he is.) This certainly wasn't done for attention or 'cry for help' either, not only does he deny any suicidal ideation (and did so also to police and in hospital) I'm quite sure we would have never heard about this, had his phone not gone dead in the cold water. Our numbers were only ones he remembered and he had to call us to get a number of his mentor in the town, because they were not letting him go from the hospital without dry clothes and a ride. I sincerely think that had his phone worked, he would had called his friend to help and sworn him to secrecy.
I don't believe this was right out, planned suicide attempt, but my gut says it wasn't an honest accident either. I can imagine him playing with an idea and standing on the rail and then slipping from icy rail. One thing that makes me believe that scenario, is, that he actually admits being an idiot. He is not blaming this or that for the fall, but tells he was an idiot and reckless and so on. That is not like him and tells me he is lying and admitting a lesser 'charge' to avoid truth coming out.
He is already home now, or just now in in-laws. He had a huge fight with husband (scared is one of the feelings husband doesn't do well) and to be honest, I too went straight from scared to angry over this one. This has not been a fun day over here, but they have not come to blows at least. husband doesn't want to hear a word about it being anything else than plain reckless idiocy. I just am far from sure about that.
IF this was more than dumb accident, I'm clueless how to react. Try to talk to him and convince him he has to talk about it with his therapist? Try to give therapist a heads-up? Though that could be difficult because confidentiality issues, both him even talking with me and also that would be a huge breach of trust in difficult child's mind. Try to talk him to reconsider his next gig (all two weeks, though likely to turn rest of the season and at home (in meaning in this country and less than two hours away)) and take some time to recover? That is not going to happen, I think. Try to talk him to get a new therapist he actually can see in person? Again, this darn two-week/two months at tops gig. Tell his psychiatrist my worries about possible depressive symptoms he showed after Christmas and this? Again, would that mean he would not want to meet that psychiatrist again? Warn the doctor of his new team? Something I would really loathe to do, and extreme breach of trust, if you ask difficult child. And again husband doesn't even want to hear there could be anything but plain stupidity involved.
I'm not actually worried difficult child would make a real suicide attempt soon. I do believe he certainly decided against dying when he hit that water. However I'm really worried about less direct self-destruction.
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