house of cards
New Member
Last night my 16 yo M decided to leave the house without permission/run away. The reason being because he has been grounded from being able to go out with friends and lost his computer and phone until he gets 2 classes grades up above a 70. He has done alot of the work but the grades on the online place I can check out still showed 1 class at 67 so he wasn't able to go with his friend for halloween.
He tried to convince me that they were above 70 but just not recorded but I held firm that there had to be proof (he has misled before). I tried several times to see if it was updated and even emailed the teacher but got no response.
He biked into town without our knowledge and called saying he left because he was angry and wanting permission to attend a football game. He was told to get home right away. He chose not to. We were considering calling the police, the other kids were upset and we almost didn't take them out for halloween. I'm glad we did. Later we went over to the house M had wanted to spend the night at, found him and made him ride his bike home. I told him that I loved him and would talk to him today because I just couldn't that night. He showered and went to bed.
Anyway, this is a letter I want to give him...what do you think.
Matthew, last night was a very unsettling experience. It did clarify a few things for me in my head. It has changed some things. It scared me and upset the entire family. It has caused me to lose trust and respect for you, but it has made me more aware of how very deep my love for you runs.
I know that my rule about you maintaining grades of 70 or above are so obtainable, past reasonable, almost expecting too little from you. I am very disappointed that you seem to find it unreasonable. When you put the time in, you achieve the grades it is that simple. You have other ways you would like to use your time.
I have my view of what happened last night and you have yours. I believe you felt overwhelming anger and frustration, felt that you were not being treated fairly and decided you would treat yourself right and do what you wanted. I also think you felt embarrassed to have to tell your friend you couldnt go out because of the teachers/grades.
I saw a child throwing a temper tantrum to get his way, with no regard for the feelings of his family. I see some very concerning behaviors. 1) you have anger management problems 2) you acted impulsively without thinking of the long term consequences 3) immaturity 4) you havent accepted your fault in any of this/ irresponsible 5) you showed incredible disrespect 6) you broke the law (not returning home when told to). All of this is a re-occurring pattern.
The rules remain come hell or high water. I get your computer and phone until you have 70 or above. You can not go out with friends until you have done this. Next marking period I will change the grade needed to 71, a C, because I didnt realize a 70 is still a D. I will need proof of your grades in writing.
Consequences for what you did:
1)I need to hold onto your money, I cant allow an impulsive kid access to $175.00 if you would run away. It is your hard earned money and I will release it to you in $20.00 amounts unless you have a purchase in mind.
2)I want a written list of names/addresses/ phone numbers of every friend you have.
3)When you first called to say you were in town and we told you to get home for leaving the house without permission, you have the weekend in your room.
4)Your movie Ipod is gone for 10 days because of your not returning home immediately when told to get home.
Ive put this in writing so you can read and reread it at your leisure, heaven knows talking hasnt gotten through to you. I hope you can understand that I am doing this out of my love for you because I know you need the lines clearly drawn as far as what is ok and what isnt and not because I just want to make you miserable, I want you to be happy and to go out with your friends to enjoy all that high school can be After you do what you need to do.
LOVE, Mom
He tried to convince me that they were above 70 but just not recorded but I held firm that there had to be proof (he has misled before). I tried several times to see if it was updated and even emailed the teacher but got no response.
He biked into town without our knowledge and called saying he left because he was angry and wanting permission to attend a football game. He was told to get home right away. He chose not to. We were considering calling the police, the other kids were upset and we almost didn't take them out for halloween. I'm glad we did. Later we went over to the house M had wanted to spend the night at, found him and made him ride his bike home. I told him that I loved him and would talk to him today because I just couldn't that night. He showered and went to bed.
Anyway, this is a letter I want to give him...what do you think.
Matthew, last night was a very unsettling experience. It did clarify a few things for me in my head. It has changed some things. It scared me and upset the entire family. It has caused me to lose trust and respect for you, but it has made me more aware of how very deep my love for you runs.
I know that my rule about you maintaining grades of 70 or above are so obtainable, past reasonable, almost expecting too little from you. I am very disappointed that you seem to find it unreasonable. When you put the time in, you achieve the grades it is that simple. You have other ways you would like to use your time.
I have my view of what happened last night and you have yours. I believe you felt overwhelming anger and frustration, felt that you were not being treated fairly and decided you would treat yourself right and do what you wanted. I also think you felt embarrassed to have to tell your friend you couldnt go out because of the teachers/grades.
I saw a child throwing a temper tantrum to get his way, with no regard for the feelings of his family. I see some very concerning behaviors. 1) you have anger management problems 2) you acted impulsively without thinking of the long term consequences 3) immaturity 4) you havent accepted your fault in any of this/ irresponsible 5) you showed incredible disrespect 6) you broke the law (not returning home when told to). All of this is a re-occurring pattern.
The rules remain come hell or high water. I get your computer and phone until you have 70 or above. You can not go out with friends until you have done this. Next marking period I will change the grade needed to 71, a C, because I didnt realize a 70 is still a D. I will need proof of your grades in writing.
Consequences for what you did:
1)I need to hold onto your money, I cant allow an impulsive kid access to $175.00 if you would run away. It is your hard earned money and I will release it to you in $20.00 amounts unless you have a purchase in mind.
2)I want a written list of names/addresses/ phone numbers of every friend you have.
3)When you first called to say you were in town and we told you to get home for leaving the house without permission, you have the weekend in your room.
4)Your movie Ipod is gone for 10 days because of your not returning home immediately when told to get home.
Ive put this in writing so you can read and reread it at your leisure, heaven knows talking hasnt gotten through to you. I hope you can understand that I am doing this out of my love for you because I know you need the lines clearly drawn as far as what is ok and what isnt and not because I just want to make you miserable, I want you to be happy and to go out with your friends to enjoy all that high school can be After you do what you need to do.
LOVE, Mom
