hands in pants and other fun stuff.

[Shari]

I can not get wee difficult child to get his hands out of his pants. Literally, it is constant. When he briefly takes his hands out when you say something, they go immediately to the same place on the outside for a few moments, before going back inside the pants. Its driving us crazy. Then he'll come put his hands all over your face and want kisses, etc. ugh.

He also... I wasn't certain of what a saw a month or so ago, so I didn't make a deal of it, but he did it again yesterday and I wasn't the only one that saw it this time. A month ago, he exposed himself to a little girl in a fast food restaraunt. Or I thought he did. Yesterday, I saw him do it again, and so did another adult, and we're sure that's what he did. Exposed himself and thrust his hips forward towards a couple of girls he was playing with at the campground.

He also has a LOT of erections. What's normal for a little boy in that area? And any ideas to get his hands out of his pants? 2 years ago he wanted to cut it off. Now I'm thinking that wasn't a bad idea. (j/k)

 

[Wiped Out]

When difficult child was young he did a lot of masturbating and had a lot of erections. Our pediatrician talked to him about he is only to do that in private and for the most part he listened. difficult child does the thrusting thing at home right now but as far as I know not at school.

I would probably call psychiatrist about the exposing and talk to therapist about it.

I know this is very frustrating. Sending some gentle hugs your way.

 

[tiredmommy]

I'd call the psychiatrist. Exploration is pretty typical but not purposely exposing himself in public. I'm not sure about this but he may be showing some signs of hyper-sexuality.

 

[witzend]

I'm with tiredmommy. These are red flags.

 

[Loving Abbey 2]

The masterbation is pretty typical but he needs understand it must only be done in private (without feeling shamed).

However, the thrusting and exposing really is something you should talk to psychiatrist and/or therapist about. If this is more than typical, you will want to address it sooner rather than later.

 

[Hound dog]

I ditto the others.

Hugs

 

[hiddenjewel81]

I went through this with my son, still do at times. The exposing himself part I would seek help with....as for the hands in the pants, we came up with a "secret code" that would remind him to stop without embarassing him or making it a huge deal....it's great because a lot of the time he doesn't even realize he's doing it. If I catch his hands in his pants I just say "underdog" and he stops. The masturbation and erections are normal as well....it's just a matter of teaching him where and when it's appropriate (i.e. in his own room with the door shut, etc.). My doctor told me that at this age it is actually NOT sexual, but rather purely physical....and once the child learns it feels good, he's going to continue to do it because....well, because it feels good!

 

[Marguerite]

We've had this with both boys. Interestingly, in the film "The Black Balloon" (which deals with a profoundly autistic teenager and his easy child brother trying to cope) the easy child brother is about to answer the door and almost routinely says to his brother, "Get your hand out of your pants, go do it in your room instead" or similar.

I remember not being able to get the stains out of the front of the boys' school trousers. Nothing nasty, just the marks of such constant grabbing by grubby little boy hands that the fronts of their trousers were a darker shade of grey. Like Aussie cricketers (especially the bowlers) who run the red cricket ball on their white trousers (it's supposed to make the ball spin, if one side is rubbed smooth and the other side rough) and always have these red stains to one side of the front of the trousers. If I had my time over, I'd be making the boys soap and scrub those stains themselves, while explaining exactly how those stains came about. Then when they next were publicly fondling themselves I would remind them about the last scrubbing session and say, "You know how much hard work it is - you mean you LIKE scrubbing out hand prints?"

I also remember the constant erections, and the almost amazing throttling the poor little organ seemed to be enduring. No wonder it kept sitting up and taking notice - I was wondering if they could be causing some tissue trauma, it sometimes seemed so excessive. And the more anxious they got, the worse they would do it. It seemed to relieve tension, and they were always tense. So the more we scolded, the more they would do it. Hand inside the shorts or outside the shorts. At home, in the school playground, in the shopping centre. Anywhere.

I remember the way my mother handled it with my nephews - "Stop doing that, you will make it sore."
She kept telling them that if they kept playing with it, the tissues in the area would get inflamed and they would be uncomfortable. It seemed to be to be a good way - there was no shame involved, but they were still given a good reason to stop doing it.

These days we're more accepting of masturbation than in my mother's day, so explaining to a kid that it's private and shouldn't be done in public can also help. Maybe it's like weaning a kid off a pacifier - "You can do it, but only in your bedroom when nobody else can see you."
(We used to insist that past a certain age a pacifier had to 'live' under the pillow and could only be used with the child in or on the bed. It then had to be put back under the pillow when the child was ready to get up and leave the room).

The same thing could maybe be used for exposing himself - some kids will do this, but yes I would speak to the doctor about it. But keep telling him, "That's not for public display, put it away because we don't need to see that."

I used to still bathe my boys at the age of 5. And it was the only time I got to see those 'bits' of them, so if they were 'flashing' inappropriately, I would say, "Is it bathtime already? Here? NOW? Surely not!" and they would often get the message (not that they were deliberately exposing themselves, just being careless with the hands and not thinking). It was a more discreet way of saying, "Put it away sonny, before it catches cold."

Maybe the one consolation you can hold on to, is that just about any other mother of sons you meet will understand and sympathise.

Marg