hanging on to serenity

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by standswithcourage, Oct 21, 2007.

  1. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    My new thread will be hanging on to serenity. I will say the serenity everyday and try to get through the day and not feel guilty or beat myself up about what I cannot change. I may still need help for everyone here!
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    The serenity prayer has helped me get through a number of days. Have you found a good Alanon group---those also can help.

    What part of SC are you in? I am on the coast and know a lot of resources for the state if you are interested.

    I also am a teacher, so we have a lot in common.
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Very nicely done! Keep up the good work!
  4. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I used to lay in bed at night and repeat the serenity prayer over and over and over in my head every night. That is what would put me to sleep at night and if I woke up in the middle of the night, I would repeat it again.

    That and the slogan from alanon, let go and let god. That says so much. Let go, you can't do anything, but let god take over.
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    The serenity prayer

    Let go and let God

    step 1: admit that you are powerless over the addict

    Turn it over

    Thy will be done

    All very good mantras. They feel corny sometimes, but they are words to live by when you are dealing with this.

    I am with Witzend. Great job! Keep moving forward. It really does get easier! You are doing very well! We will be here to support you along the way.
  6. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    to everywoman I l ive in Greenville SC. I will try and hang on as much as possible. But being the person I am it will be hard for me not to do anything. I always think I should be doing something to help and help is the wrong thing. Help just keeps them being addicted.
  7. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: standswithcourage</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Help just keeps them being addicted. </div></div>

    Sounds like the perfect mantra to me.
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I ditto meowbunny.

    You're getting the idea. Don't expect to be perfect at it from the beginning.

    You can do it. We have faith in you. :warrior:
  9. Wombatina

    Wombatina New Member


    Is there anything new you can do for YOU? Something that would make your life new and interesting, and use up that extra fretful energy?

    Take up knitting, quilting, scrapbooking, playing a musical instrument, something with your hands?

    Take a community college class in something you always wanted to learn, like Spanish or Chinese or whatever, or join a book club, anything that occupies your intellect and gives you something new to think about?

    Volunteer to cook for a women's shelter? Tutor little kids? Teach English as a second language (In other words, use up your "helping" instinct on people who need help and are helpable)?

    Just my 2 cents...


  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member


    My husband was born where we live in Lumberton but moved to greenville when he was 8 and has most of his family in that area! All his brothers and sister live there or in the surrounding area.

    He grew up around Easley, Pickens County, Powdersville etc. I have been there several times but dont know the area real well. I do think its so cute the way they paint the big tigers paws in orange all over the roads and stuff in Clemson.
  11. KFld

    KFld New Member

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Daisylover</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I ditto meowbunny.

    You're getting the idea. Don't expect to be perfect at it from the beginning.

    You can do it. We have faith in you. :warrior: </div></div>

    Another good slogan from alanon, expect progress not perfection.

    This can be used for yourself as well as your difficult child. Don't kick yourself if you don't get it perfect as long as you are making progress.
  12. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Oh Yeah! clemson is everywhere! I do like it here. I am hanging on today feeling tired and grieving some. I went to Alanon tonight. I love those people like I love you guys. I just am concerned that is all. I havent heard from my difficult child - didnt really expect to. I just feel lethargic! I teach kindergarten and that is a lot. I would love to sit and knit but I feel I might fall asleep! I did try and take a knitting class about 2 years ago. It was fun - I may take it back up. Our home is really quieter and not so tense now. I just hate that my difficult child has to go through this again. I dont know what will happen to him now. I haavae run out of ideas - anyway they are not helping him. :hammer:
  13. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Knitting and falling asleep sounds really good to me! :wink: I'm a terrible sleeper...
  14. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    :hammer: Susan. Come ON. :rolleyes:

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: standswithcourage</div><div class="ubbcode-body">I just hate that my difficult child has to go through this again. I dont know what will happen to him now. I have run out of ideas - anyway they are not helping him.</div></div>

    "I just hate that my difficult child has to go through this again". Susan, this time, let him go through it ALL the way through, ALL by himself, and it very well may be the last time that he has to go through it.

    "I don't know what will happen to him now". Well they are not going to ship him off to Alaska or anything rash like that. But what they do to him is not your concern. Detach!

    "I have run out of ideas". Ideas for what? Enabling him? Enough already! Go knit!!

    "Anyway they are not helping him". Come on. He is not drinking or drugging right now, is he? He is in the best place he can possibly be right now. Three hots and a cot, no dope, and he is not aggravating you at all.

    Try looking at this from a different point of view than "aww, your poor baby". He is a grown man, a criminal, and the streets are safer with him off of them. Seriously. He is not going to die in jail. It is best that he is not calling you, you should not be talking to him anyways, or he would be begging to be bailed out.

    Stop obsessing over him. He is fine.
  15. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Just a gentle reminder that just as Susan does not have to follow the advice in our replies...

    ... we also don't have to read and respond to her.

    So if you find yourself getting frustrated and testy, I encourage you to do something else instead. :angel:


  16. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I encourage you to pay attention to yourself. This 'falling asleep' can be a symptom of depression. Keep tabs on your body and your actions and reactions to things. You should baby yourself a bit but stay aware of your emotions.
    I think knitting is a fine way to relax and produce something for maybe some homeless people. My BFs mom is on her 105th scarf for this year. She donates them every year to help keep the less fortunate warm during our cold winters.

    Perhaps you could try something new for yourself. Take a basket weaving class. Anything. Just do not sit in your own sadness. believe me, it can take over a person. Many of us have been there done that!
  17. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I'm glad you went to alanon. Enjoy the fact that there is no tension in your home.

    Maybe you should take up knitting again. If you fall asleep, so what. Just be careful where you leave the knitting needles as you doze off :surprise:
  18. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    OH that is funny! about the knitting needles I mean! Got a letter from him today. I wonder if I should start a new post - anyways he was wanting me to call the probation officer and tell him he wants rehab (NOT!) he wants me to call the 15 year olds mother and see if she will drop the charges (NOT!) he wants us to come visit soon (NOT!) he wants me to call the Voc Rehab lady he brushed off (NOT!) it all comes to be an emergency when he is where he is - I am not even sure - 99% sure he does not want rehab for recovery - just to get out! I am not going to do those things for him. He starts out with I need your help! Yes he has been needing help for 7 years now - probably longer but he always pushed us away. Am I doing better now? I am sorry everyone gets frustrated with me. :crazy2:
  19. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Awesome job. Tell him yes he does need these things, but he has to do them himself. Tell him you love him with all your heart and when he learns to help himself, you will be there for him.

    Once you start, it gets easier. You'll be surprised to see how quickly he changes and starts doing these things for himself when he has no choice.

    Keep up the good work.
  20. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    you are doing well. remember that having him solve this problem for himself will help him in the long run. you just take care of you. he needs to learn to correct his mistakes himself. you are doing well and truly standing with courage these days...lol