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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 689649" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>We treated for heartworm once Walrus, and all was well afterword. I feel so proud of you for loving the grown dog and taking him home. About the money for daughter. Until I stopped giving my kids money, they kept sliding downward. When I stopped (and even today) they are facing the hard consequences of what they did, and it is hard for them, very hard. But they are doing it. Had I continued to give money Walrus, or a place to live, or taken their children, they would never have believed they needed to be responsible for themselves.</p><p></p><p>If the story got bad enough, money would be forthcoming.</p><p></p><p>And so, the story always got bad enough.</p><p></p><p>They wouldn't stop. So I had to.</p><p></p><p>I had to stop enabling.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>We would have gone down with them, Walrus.</p><p></p><p>My kids are older than yours. They are in their early forties. I stopped enabling (to the degree I was, anyway) something like four years ago. It's insidious. There is always something they need and every so often, they would catch me at a tender spot and BOOM. I was embroiled again.</p><p></p><p>It has been a rough four years, but I would do it again in a heartbeat. The kids are doing better.</p><p></p><p>That would not have happened had I continued enabling, even at the reduced rate I was enabling at.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Another point.</p><p></p><p>D H insisted we celebrate our lives as we had intended before the kids ~ what. Before what happened to all of us happened. I felt so guilty I could not even shop for clothing or groceries without fixating on what the kids did not have.</p><p></p><p>But my D H was right.</p><p></p><p>And now we are older. And life is drawing down. </p><p></p><p>And that is how I know, for sure, that D H was right.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 689649, member: 17461"] We treated for heartworm once Walrus, and all was well afterword. I feel so proud of you for loving the grown dog and taking him home. About the money for daughter. Until I stopped giving my kids money, they kept sliding downward. When I stopped (and even today) they are facing the hard consequences of what they did, and it is hard for them, very hard. But they are doing it. Had I continued to give money Walrus, or a place to live, or taken their children, they would never have believed they needed to be responsible for themselves. If the story got bad enough, money would be forthcoming. And so, the story always got bad enough. They wouldn't stop. So I had to. I had to stop enabling. *** We would have gone down with them, Walrus. My kids are older than yours. They are in their early forties. I stopped enabling (to the degree I was, anyway) something like four years ago. It's insidious. There is always something they need and every so often, they would catch me at a tender spot and BOOM. I was embroiled again. It has been a rough four years, but I would do it again in a heartbeat. The kids are doing better. That would not have happened had I continued enabling, even at the reduced rate I was enabling at. *** Another point. D H insisted we celebrate our lives as we had intended before the kids ~ what. Before what happened to all of us happened. I felt so guilty I could not even shop for clothing or groceries without fixating on what the kids did not have. But my D H was right. And now we are older. And life is drawing down. And that is how I know, for sure, that D H was right. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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