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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 231723" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Hi Cadydid, welcome!</p><p> </p><p>You're problem is very common. First of all, these kids can test even Mother Teresa's patience.</p><p>Second, if you and your spouse are not on the same page when it comes to parenting, any "normal" problem will become hugely magnified.</p><p> </p><p>I like Marg's idea to read <strong>The Explosive Child</strong>. Get your husband to read it, too. Talk about it together. Come up with ideas for which items to put in which baskets (you'll know what I mean when you read it. It's all about prioritizing and choosing your battles). </p><p>It sounds like there is quite a background with-the bio dad and step-parenting. Sigh. So sorry.</p><p> </p><p>Have you tried a reward system for your son, or at least compliments, when he can control himself? For example, when he throws up his hands and yells, as opposed to kicking out a window? When my son got to the point where he'd threaten me with-his fist, instead of actually hitting me, I'd always compliment him and say, "I know how hard it is to control yourself and I noticed that you thought about hitting me but you didn't. I'm very proud of you. You're growing up."</p><p> </p><p>Now, a strict disciplinarian would hit the roof that any kid would even threaten someone with-a fist, but after you've been to h*ll and back with-these kids, you take what you can get and keep working with-it.</p><p>Also, I have to remember not to provoke him. Things I say that would make a regular kid roll his eyes, make my son explode and break things. At first I resented it ... having to walk on eggshells, not knowing what I could and couldn't say. But over the months, I learned to just zip my lip. The less said, the better. That is not walking on eggshells. It is being prudent.</p><p> </p><p>My son hasn't threatened me physically for several months. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p> </p><p>Now, we're working on his verbal responses. We're trying to go from, "OKAY! I <strong>HEARD </strong>you!" to "Yes, Mom. I'll do it as soon as I turn off the game."</p><p> </p><p>One day at a time, one step at a time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 231723, member: 3419"] Hi Cadydid, welcome! You're problem is very common. First of all, these kids can test even Mother Teresa's patience. Second, if you and your spouse are not on the same page when it comes to parenting, any "normal" problem will become hugely magnified. I like Marg's idea to read [B]The Explosive Child[/B]. Get your husband to read it, too. Talk about it together. Come up with ideas for which items to put in which baskets (you'll know what I mean when you read it. It's all about prioritizing and choosing your battles). It sounds like there is quite a background with-the bio dad and step-parenting. Sigh. So sorry. Have you tried a reward system for your son, or at least compliments, when he can control himself? For example, when he throws up his hands and yells, as opposed to kicking out a window? When my son got to the point where he'd threaten me with-his fist, instead of actually hitting me, I'd always compliment him and say, "I know how hard it is to control yourself and I noticed that you thought about hitting me but you didn't. I'm very proud of you. You're growing up." Now, a strict disciplinarian would hit the roof that any kid would even threaten someone with-a fist, but after you've been to h*ll and back with-these kids, you take what you can get and keep working with-it. Also, I have to remember not to provoke him. Things I say that would make a regular kid roll his eyes, make my son explode and break things. At first I resented it ... having to walk on eggshells, not knowing what I could and couldn't say. But over the months, I learned to just zip my lip. The less said, the better. That is not walking on eggshells. It is being prudent. My son hasn't threatened me physically for several months. :) Now, we're working on his verbal responses. We're trying to go from, "OKAY! I [B]HEARD [/B]you!" to "Yes, Mom. I'll do it as soon as I turn off the game." One day at a time, one step at a time. [/QUOTE]
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