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Hard, hard day today
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 619735" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>COM, hon, I am so sad for your pain. But let me try to explain my way of looking at this as an outsider who once thought her daughter would end up either in jail or dead. And, yes, I did think that. </p><p></p><p>Your son CAN make it in the world, if he wants to. I have a son with autism and he is making it in the world. At times he needs his caseworker and somebody to help him find a job, but the help is out there. If indeed your son is so disabled as to be unable to fit in, there is help. The first step is getting declared disabled and on social security and then the help comes to him. This is a hard thing to tell you because it will hurt, but it does ease our own guilt a little. Your son CAN make it in the world. My daughter, when she used drugs, and your son, right now, chooses not to follow the rules. He can. He won't. That is different than can't. I don't know if he is disabled or not. If he isn't disabled, and he needs to apply for it a nd they will pay for testing, then he can understand the words people tell him about what to do. And he is capable of doing them. But he just refuses. If he has a disability, he can succeed with supports, but he has to make the decision to be cooperative. He CAN be cooperative. It is his decision not to be right now. Doesn't mean he will be this way forever. My son has trouble making friends, being on the autism spectrum. But he has made some friends at work and is doing life pretty well. If he can do it, so can your son. If he needs supports, so what? </p><p></p><p>You and I can not live forever. It is the way of life that our children outlive us. They need to be able to be self-sufficient before that happens. That is part of our job as parents...to make hard decisions that force them to stand alone, without our help. Now there are some parents who are 80 and are still financially supporting and some are being abused by 50 to 60 year old "children." I find it sad that anyone is willing to give up their entire life to care for somebody else rather than embracing their own life and enjoying it. Elder abuse is becoming common. Maybe it always was. These are children abusing their elderly parents. I'm sure these kids didn't get that way overnight. They probably abused them and intimidated them at our ages and their parents put up with it because they didn't feel strong enough to say "enough!" </p><p></p><p>It is early morning and I am rambling. I hope you have a peaceful day. Do look into the concept of radical acceptable. Google it up and read about it. I think it's a coping skill that helps anyone who is willing to learn to use it.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting heart. Post later. Let us know if you are doing better today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 619735, member: 1550"] COM, hon, I am so sad for your pain. But let me try to explain my way of looking at this as an outsider who once thought her daughter would end up either in jail or dead. And, yes, I did think that. Your son CAN make it in the world, if he wants to. I have a son with autism and he is making it in the world. At times he needs his caseworker and somebody to help him find a job, but the help is out there. If indeed your son is so disabled as to be unable to fit in, there is help. The first step is getting declared disabled and on social security and then the help comes to him. This is a hard thing to tell you because it will hurt, but it does ease our own guilt a little. Your son CAN make it in the world. My daughter, when she used drugs, and your son, right now, chooses not to follow the rules. He can. He won't. That is different than can't. I don't know if he is disabled or not. If he isn't disabled, and he needs to apply for it a nd they will pay for testing, then he can understand the words people tell him about what to do. And he is capable of doing them. But he just refuses. If he has a disability, he can succeed with supports, but he has to make the decision to be cooperative. He CAN be cooperative. It is his decision not to be right now. Doesn't mean he will be this way forever. My son has trouble making friends, being on the autism spectrum. But he has made some friends at work and is doing life pretty well. If he can do it, so can your son. If he needs supports, so what? You and I can not live forever. It is the way of life that our children outlive us. They need to be able to be self-sufficient before that happens. That is part of our job as parents...to make hard decisions that force them to stand alone, without our help. Now there are some parents who are 80 and are still financially supporting and some are being abused by 50 to 60 year old "children." I find it sad that anyone is willing to give up their entire life to care for somebody else rather than embracing their own life and enjoying it. Elder abuse is becoming common. Maybe it always was. These are children abusing their elderly parents. I'm sure these kids didn't get that way overnight. They probably abused them and intimidated them at our ages and their parents put up with it because they didn't feel strong enough to say "enough!" It is early morning and I am rambling. I hope you have a peaceful day. Do look into the concept of radical acceptable. Google it up and read about it. I think it's a coping skill that helps anyone who is willing to learn to use it. Hugs for your hurting heart. Post later. Let us know if you are doing better today. [/QUOTE]
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