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Hard, hard day today
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 619736" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Thank you Walk and MWM. Both of your posts help me. I know you KNOW, all of it.</p><p></p><p>My son is not disabled, MWM. Of course, I have laid awake many, many nights retracing the past and going over and over small minute details to try to see something I have never seen before. Yes, my son may have mild depression, he may have ADHD (never diagnosed, never thought he did before), who knows. Something that equates to "never felt comfortable in his own skin." </p><p></p><p>But beyond that, I don't see it. </p><p></p><p>I see a person who said multiple times, when he was younger, before all of his horror: I don't want to grow up. </p><p></p><p>As I've said here before, I thought that was strange, but I shook it off as childish prattle. His behavior was mild but annoying in middle and h.s.---no arrests, kept curfew, worked, passed his classes (not hard to do), played soccer four years. No girlfriend, didn't go to prom, didn't go to the h.s. football games. I didn't understand that because I loved all of that in h.s. but he is introverted, so I've been told, and I'm not, so there was that explanation. </p><p></p><p>He basically did what he was supposed to do, with a LOT of prodding. I thought he was just immature and lazy and would grow out of it.</p><p></p><p>All of THIS rose up (at least as far as I knew) about 4 years ago. He is now 24.5 yo. And it has been a very steep downward decline.</p><p></p><p>I think he probably hid a LOT of things from me/us over the years, even before all of this, but hey, we were believing trusting parents. We didn't know what we didn't know.</p><p></p><p>He is making these choices. He and he alone. </p><p></p><p>I will look up radical acceptance. </p><p></p><p>I am going to have a good day today as I have much to do. All of the things are by the front door. I am prepared. </p><p></p><p>Thank you all for walking with me on this journey.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 619736, member: 17542"] Thank you Walk and MWM. Both of your posts help me. I know you KNOW, all of it. My son is not disabled, MWM. Of course, I have laid awake many, many nights retracing the past and going over and over small minute details to try to see something I have never seen before. Yes, my son may have mild depression, he may have ADHD (never diagnosed, never thought he did before), who knows. Something that equates to "never felt comfortable in his own skin." But beyond that, I don't see it. I see a person who said multiple times, when he was younger, before all of his horror: I don't want to grow up. As I've said here before, I thought that was strange, but I shook it off as childish prattle. His behavior was mild but annoying in middle and h.s.---no arrests, kept curfew, worked, passed his classes (not hard to do), played soccer four years. No girlfriend, didn't go to prom, didn't go to the h.s. football games. I didn't understand that because I loved all of that in h.s. but he is introverted, so I've been told, and I'm not, so there was that explanation. He basically did what he was supposed to do, with a LOT of prodding. I thought he was just immature and lazy and would grow out of it. All of THIS rose up (at least as far as I knew) about 4 years ago. He is now 24.5 yo. And it has been a very steep downward decline. I think he probably hid a LOT of things from me/us over the years, even before all of this, but hey, we were believing trusting parents. We didn't know what we didn't know. He is making these choices. He and he alone. I will look up radical acceptance. I am going to have a good day today as I have much to do. All of the things are by the front door. I am prepared. Thank you all for walking with me on this journey. [/QUOTE]
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