hard morning with O.D.D child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by angelajohnson, Jan 10, 2010.

  1. angelajohnson

    angelajohnson New Member

    I need some advice. My step daughter was dignosed with adhd and odd last yr. We did put her on some medications which helped her in school and helps her stay on task ect BUT with her o.d.d it has only gotten worse not better. We set up a schedule so she can follow it get dressed and her one chore then shes free to do what ever she would like to.

    This morning was a refusel to follow the schedule...what to do ? the only thing i could think of is to send her to her room until shes ready to fulfile her things. Big part on my hand no yelling...which is very hard when she is yelling and slaming doors.

    im really looking for some disaplain ideas or any ideas that might help her. or even our family.
    thanks in the advance to anyone who takes the time to help.
    angie
     
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    How old is she?

    As for the day to day scheduling - if she is old enough, you can go to her tonight with a poster board and say, "I am sorry that this morning did not go well. What happened? Was there not enough time for something? Do we need to redo the shedule to make the mornings easier? I have a poster board here to set up a new schedule. There a certain things you have to do every morning, but most of these things you can decide which order you want them done in. We can also try to give you more time in certain areas but then you may have to get up a little earlier."

    With the ODD seeming to get worse, maybe the medication isn't the right one for her. When was the last medication check you had? Is there one coming up? If not, I would call the doctor's office and ask to leave a message for the doctor. List all the negative behaviors that you thought could have been helped by the medication and ask if the dosage should be changed or a different medication should be prescribed.

    Great job not yelling - I have a hard time with that one myself when I feel a power struggle coming on. Once that schedule is set, nothing wrong in saying, "This is what you need to do now. Nothing can happen until this gets done. You may sit in your room until you decide to do this. Oh, and by the way, if your schedule is not done in time, you will miss out on going to that event, or watching your favorite show, ect. ect. ect. The longer it takes you to do your duties, the less free time you will have."
     
  3. jal

    jal Member

    We had issues with-our son getting dressed in the morning too. Refusal, crying, slamming doors, etc. At the time he was around 5-6 yrs of age. We also had in home services 2x a week (around 6). They came up with-a great suggestion. They made play money with-his picture on it and told him if he could do the task of getting dressed, he could put one of his play dollars in the jar. At the end of the week if he got X amount he would get a treat. The treat was a trip to McDonald's, or rent a movie or video game - whatever we as the parents agreed to with-input from him.

    It didn't take long to catch on and then novelty wore off, but by then he got it. We haven't had in home for over 6 months and every day after breakfast this kid gets dressed, on his own no fail, no reward needed. It took maybe 2 months of that exercise to get him in a routine. Usually, he's up before me, I get up give him his breakfast and medications, which he does when I am in the shower (and he's 7.5) he's dressed by the time I am putting on my makeup. I don't know how ur old step daughter is, but if young enough, she may buy in to it. It was a godsend.
     
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Get a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It has really helped a lot of us on this site. It gives you a different perspective on discipline and getting what you want from the child.

    Marg
     
  5. angelajohnson

    angelajohnson New Member

    Thankyou for all the advise. Cora is 10 yrs old, in 5 th grade. Her schooling isnt a problem anymore she went from all c's and c-'s to all B's and one A a great changing point in school. just still some of the agression on the home front. I think she saves it all for me.


    I did try the stay in ur room until ur ready to get ur things done and that seemed to work pretty well...she was in her room for about 15mins until she found out i was serious enough to keep her there. then the rest of the afternoon seemed to go well. until her sister wanted to spend time with her and cora didnt want to...

    another issue we seem to have her sister is 3 and shes 10 cora seems to have a yelling and scream thing with her doesnt want to spend time with her or play maybe its the age difference?

    again thankyou for everyone that applied
     
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    10 and 3 isn't a great comibination of ages to begin with...guess I'd just expect Cora to not treat her little sis like dirt and leave it at that for a while, keep interactions between the 2 light and positive...positive tends to breed more positive, tho its really hard to keep a 3 year old out of anything, let alone an older sibling's way! Hugs.
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I was wondering what type of professional diagnosed her. We can help you a bit more with a little added info.

    1/Has she ever been evaluated by a neuropsychologist?

    2/Are there any psychiatric problems or substance abuse on either side of her genetic family tree (even if her father doesn't live with her, she does have his genes).

    3/How was her early development? Did she make good eye contact, speak on time, have any intense interests, quirks, fantastic rote memory? Can she socialize well with her same age peers? Do you feel she has rather serious social issues? Does or did she when younger have a very hard time with transitions? Bothered by loud noise, bright lights, stimulation, too many people? Shy to tears or inappropriate around kids she doesn't know?

    I'll wait to hear back. On the question of a ten year old and a three year old...my kids are many years apart and I can tell you right now that nothing can be more annoying to a pre-adolescent than a chatty, adoring toddler who wants her attention. I think that's one reason she doesn't want her to follow her around. I think that is perfectly normal, even typical.
     
  8. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Give her plenty of positive feedback every time you "catch her out" being good. Often these kids feel criticism keenly but get little to no praise (often because there's little reason to praise them). For example, she eventually stayed in her room - praise her for doing what she was told. Make that praise unconditional, too. So often we make all our praise conditional, we can't resist an opportunity to preach at the kids. And this can really get some kids down.
    Example - "Thank you for staying in your room. I'm glad you finally did what you were told. I wouldn't have had to send you to your room if you hadn't been difficult in the first place."
    While technically you did praise the child in this example, it was conditional. The end result - it doesn't feel at all like praise, it feels like more criticism.

    A better example: "Thank you for staying in your room. You can come out now."
    That is unconditional.

    Few parents have ever failed to lecture their kids enough. If asked, most adult kids (PCs) would say they got too many lectures that went on for far too long.

    If you can give her some unconditional positive attention I suspect it might help. Your 3 yo is your bio child I gather? That could be another source of friction. However, don't assume miss 10 dislikes her sister - kids of that age gap, especially sisters (don't know why) often clash loudly, but love each other to pieces especially as they get older.
    I was the youngest of a large, wide-spread family of mostly girls. One of my sisters (a sort of middle child) really copped it especially from the younger ones (including me, being coached by the older twins). We were really horrible to her. She was also a prime target because she could throw some amazing tantrums. If I had been asked as a child I would have said I didn't like her much and I didn't think she liked me. I remember she had to share a bed with me while I was still bedwetting, so I remember her getting angry with me at times. She is ten years older than me. The twins are seven years older. But now - we are all close, although my "middle sister" is perhaps the one I feel closest to. She is also the one my father would turn to for advice, including financial advice. Even though she is not the oldest, and we have two brothers who are older.

    So never underestimate the tightness of a blood tie, especially over time. However, given the age gap now plus the problems of the older one, you need to keep a close watch on them and ensure a lot of supervised, structured play. Don't just let them each do their own thing without you actually being involved. You need to be there, playing with them. Make sure you give special time to the 10 yo because she's older ands therefore more able to handle the more advanced play. Find out what she wants to do - play a card game maybe? At 10, she can play quite sophisticated card games while the younger one, if she's advanced, still can't do much more than "go fish".

    I recommend you teach the older one some more advanced card games (at 10 we used to play gin rummy, or whatever you guys call it) and then try to keep her involved in a game, with you too, teaching the youngest one to play Go Fish. Keep the Fish game short and try to leave a game on a positive note.

    Encourage their dad to do this too. Family time is especially important in a blended family.

    Marg
     
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