Hard morning...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, Mar 14, 2013.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    My best friend's neice, who is the same age as my difficult child and actually was friends with my difficult child until she was smart enough to get away from difficult child, had a baby girl this morning. Natural labor - everything perfect and everyone is elated.

    And I can't help but sit here and be jealous that my difficult child's situation is not the same.

    It just HOOVERS having an addict instead of a "normal" child.

    She finally called me night before last, telling me she can't make up her mind and knows she needs to. Then she starts telling me that she heard about low income housing through WIC?? Then tells me she needs me or one of her friends to make the phone calls about it. Excuse me??? She says if she has to make the calls, it will never get done. She does nothing else!!!!!! NOTHING. And she wants someone that has a JOB and a LIFE to make HER phone calls for her?? I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I told her I know nothing about it and would not be making any phone calls for her. Told her if she can't even make a phone call or see a doctor, how does she expect to take care of a child??? Then she starts complaining about boyfriend and his controlling ways. I told her he was her choice and I was not going to get involved. She was saying how he told her he will get custody once the baby is born. I told her she pops out that baby and it tests positive for drugs, that baby will be taken from her then and there and she will be arrested. If he can show that he can take care of the baby, he may get custody. I reminded her AGAIN that I am not raising it. That if they take the baby and ask me to take it, I will have to say no and it will be heartbreaking but I can't. She says she knows. I also reminded her that she has no idea what is growing in her belly - what condition that baby is in, if it is deformed, has issues - nothing - she knows nothing and soon it will be too late to do anything about it. WTF??? Seriously??? Who is this DUMB???? My kid. Embarassing.

    Yesterday I had to go downtown and officially "receive" my new employee that was transferred to me. I took her out to lunch and we were discussing work when difficult child tries calling. I text her that I am at a lunch and cannot answer my phone. She texts me to call her. A minute later I get a text from that says "cops". So, as my employee and I are walking back, I excuse myself to make the phone call while my employee goes upstairs. difficult child wanted to come over to visit and asks why I am never home when she is in our area (lol luck??). I told her that I have a JOB and a CAREER. That she should try it!! Ugh.

    Just a bad morning. I am embarassed, frustrated, angry, heartbroken, jealous and feeling all sorts of other bad emotions about her.
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I am sending you massive hugs and understanding. I have a grand that is the same age as my son. I get the feelings you are having. Sometimes it becomes just too much watching her do all the normal teenage things and doing well in school and just enjoying being a teen while mine sits in jail because of idiot choices he makes.
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Oh, honey. :hugs:

    This won't make things any better, but I understand the feeling of loss all over again - WHY did this have to happen to ME?

    I am praying that her child isn't harmed by her using... But also that someone who wants the child gets custody ASAP. Foster or adoption... So many people wish for a child and cannot have one... :sigh: And that manipulation - cops. UGH.

    More :hugs:
  4. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Oh I am so sorry...

  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    oh wow, she is really trying to suck you in. I'm so sorry you are going through this. putting my arm around you...
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry PG. You gave her options and it's up to her now. How dare she scare you with the "cops" text. I would not respond to any of her calls or texts. Don't get sucked into her craziness. Everyhing she does and says is just more indication she is not ready to be a mom.
  7. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    I am so sorry PG. This should be a happy time. Hugs. Sorry that she is trying to pull you back in. Hopefully she will find some sense in that head of hers, and make a decision.
  8. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I forgot to mention that when I asked her about the cops text, she said, oh I sent that to you?? It was meant for her other friend. Nice, why would you need to warn your friend about cops??


    I have to detach from this situation today anyway. My husband is on his way home from a business trip and I am taking him to the hospital. He is not any better and still very, very ill. Please pray that my husband is okay.... :(
  9. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    You got it PG. LOTS of good juju!
  10. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Prayers for your husband PG........let us know what happens...........HUGS..........
  11. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Sending understanding hugs and lots of support. Good health wishes and prayers for husband, too.
  12. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    Hugs and good juju for you and husband.
  13. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Best wishes for your husband. Sorry difficult child is acting like this yet again (still?). *HUGS*
  14. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Well, he has been able to keep things down today, so typical, he is putting off going to the hospital and is in bed sleeping. Gosh, I just really want him better... :(

    Thanks everyone!!
  15. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Gah! He needs something... Phenergan maybe? Food poisoning that lasts that long is a MAJOR issue!
  16. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    maybe it's all the hugs and support we sent...?
  17. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I don't believe her, PG. She sent that text to you because she wasn't getting a response. It worked, didn't it? It was a classic difficult child maneuver. I've been played by the same maneuver many a time.

    I totally understand your feelings of sadness and grief. difficult child's steal the happiness out of what should be wonderful events in our lives. I feel the loss of potential every time I see someone else's child graduate from college, start a career, get engaged, get married, and have children. At my recent NAMI meeting, we were grouped together by our relationship to our mentally ill loved one. So I was in a group with other mothers of adult difficult child's. As we talked about our situations, the common thread was grief . . . for what should have been.


  18. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    PG, I tried to reply to this earlier and for some reason it would not let me send it..... so I hope your husband stays feeling better and really gets better soon!!! And I know the situation with your difficult child is awful and feels terrible and sad but I am SO impressed with how you have handled the conversation with her. You are setting good boundaries, you are not taking on the responsibility for her situation, you are being honest and yet she still knows you love her. So you may not feel detached but you are doing all the right things in the detachment department... a lot of times I think detachment is how we act and react, not really about how we feel..... because gosh the thigns our difficult children do just plain hurt!!!

  19. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Sending hugs to you.
  20. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Reading, sending support-awed by your strength...stay strong