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has anyone moved to give their difficult child a new start?
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 388717" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>My son is currently 15yo and doing his second stint in state Department of Juvenile Justice. He has been having issues that include illegal activity for 5 1/2 years, although the first few years it was sporadic not continuous. I had wanted to move out of the town we lived in for several years but waws trying to juggle career, house ownership, school needs, etc and ended up staying in that town- for another thing, we had lived there since difficult child was born. Anyway, he was released from his first stint in Department of Juvenile Justice this past spring after serving over 1 year. I was unemployed, in financial dire straits and facing foreclosure on my house. My son fell apart right away and never even tried to meet parole requirements or stay out of trouble, thus he ended upn being recommitted this summer. I found a job and moved in October (last month) and I am more than a little grateful that I didn't end up having to go to a homeless shelter. This has given me a new start and I hope beyond all hopes that it gives my son a new start and a real belief in himself and motivation to try when he's released next year.</p><p></p><p>So to answer your question, while I thought many times that moving would give him a better chance of getting out of the revolving door in the past, I really have no idea if it would have given where his mindset was at the time. It could have ended up just like Suz's situation. So I didn't move for my son, however, I am hoping this move helps him transition to a "new beginning". I honestly do believe that it will make his true colors obvious- if he doesn't put forth any effort all this time than it was all BS he was selling me. </p><p></p><p>But, my son will be released at 16yo, not 20yo. At 20yo, in my humble opinion, your son needs to be thinking about where HE wasnts to live- and that's not your responsibility. I be darned if I'd move for a "kid" who was 20yo. I definitely think there's truth in what he's saying, as far as having a label in the town and not being able to get a fair shot without moving, but geez..he's 20. He needs to figure it out and pull his own boot straps up at that age. That's just my 2 cents. </p><p></p><p>Then, it's easy for me to say that because I've not walked in those shoes yet. If my son was released and really making an honest effort and doing his part but couldn't get past the label and was constantly being or feeling threatened by reincarceration even though I saw every indicator that he'd turned his life around- I'm his mom and would probably do anything in my power to help him stay on the right road and support his efforts. You just never know how much or if it's the watchful eyes in the community that are helping or hindering the progress until it's too late sometimes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 388717, member: 3699"] My son is currently 15yo and doing his second stint in state Department of Juvenile Justice. He has been having issues that include illegal activity for 5 1/2 years, although the first few years it was sporadic not continuous. I had wanted to move out of the town we lived in for several years but waws trying to juggle career, house ownership, school needs, etc and ended up staying in that town- for another thing, we had lived there since difficult child was born. Anyway, he was released from his first stint in Department of Juvenile Justice this past spring after serving over 1 year. I was unemployed, in financial dire straits and facing foreclosure on my house. My son fell apart right away and never even tried to meet parole requirements or stay out of trouble, thus he ended upn being recommitted this summer. I found a job and moved in October (last month) and I am more than a little grateful that I didn't end up having to go to a homeless shelter. This has given me a new start and I hope beyond all hopes that it gives my son a new start and a real belief in himself and motivation to try when he's released next year. So to answer your question, while I thought many times that moving would give him a better chance of getting out of the revolving door in the past, I really have no idea if it would have given where his mindset was at the time. It could have ended up just like Suz's situation. So I didn't move for my son, however, I am hoping this move helps him transition to a "new beginning". I honestly do believe that it will make his true colors obvious- if he doesn't put forth any effort all this time than it was all BS he was selling me. But, my son will be released at 16yo, not 20yo. At 20yo, in my humble opinion, your son needs to be thinking about where HE wasnts to live- and that's not your responsibility. I be darned if I'd move for a "kid" who was 20yo. I definitely think there's truth in what he's saying, as far as having a label in the town and not being able to get a fair shot without moving, but geez..he's 20. He needs to figure it out and pull his own boot straps up at that age. That's just my 2 cents. Then, it's easy for me to say that because I've not walked in those shoes yet. If my son was released and really making an honest effort and doing his part but couldn't get past the label and was constantly being or feeling threatened by reincarceration even though I saw every indicator that he'd turned his life around- I'm his mom and would probably do anything in my power to help him stay on the right road and support his efforts. You just never know how much or if it's the watchful eyes in the community that are helping or hindering the progress until it's too late sometimes. [/QUOTE]
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