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has anyone moved to give their difficult child a new start?
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 388813" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>I think it "depends". Back in the 80's GFGmom began to hangout with difficult child's. I felt powerless as one particular girl really had a strong influence on her decision and even the influence at school was indicating big problems ahead. Meanwhile my mostly easy child son began to smoke pot, hang out with guys who had no motivation and went from an A student to a C/D studentand didn't want to listen to family input. We did move. In fact my son "refused" to come with us and arranged to live with a friends family. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/surprise.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":surprise:" title="surprise :surprise:" data-shortname=":surprise:" /> We <strong>all </strong>moved. The change was a culture shock. I dislike where we are and have for over thirty years!</p><p> </p><p>GFGmom benefitted from the move. Did graduate and go on to the community college. Her tenencies led her to hang out with less than perfect teens <strong>but </strong>she had no trouble with substances or the law. My son adapted quickly and once again began making good grades etc. He graduated from the University and is a highly respected State law enforcement</p><p>leader. So, for them, the move worked.</p><p> </p><p>on the other hand I would have loved to relocate when easy child/difficult child began to get into trouble. We just couldn't do it. There's no telling.</p><p>He is now 23 and speaks of how things will change when we relocate. When he is with family he is still a wonderful easy child.</p><p>When he is with peers, however, he is most comfortable. My gut tells me it is too late for him even if we had a chance to start afresh.</p><p> </p><p>Parents with teen difficult child's dream of the 18th birthday. If you have a violent, substance abusing difficult child who refuses rehab and guidance then chances are you'll have them leave the nest. If you have a young adult who is showing improvement</p><p>(even in baby steps) the decision is subjective. Our easy child/difficult child is an adult who probably would end up in stripes without the</p><p>family support. I believe that changing cities might work if there are consistent signs of effort at home to avoid the problems that messed up previous years. I believe that changing cities might work if there is a specific occupational or educational goal with sustained interest and a pre-move indication of effort to achieve that goal. Online school? Job experience? Volunteer or church participation? A willingness to spend time alone at home in lieu of hanging out with old buddies. An abrupt change, in my humble opinion, would not do the trick. Dreaming, in my humble opinion, would just change the venue. Something showing self-discipline and a sustained interest???...maybe.</p><p> </p><p>I do agree that difficult child's attract other difficult child's like blanking magnets. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/sad-very.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":sad-very:" title="sad-very :sad-very:" data-shortname=":sad-very:" /> That's why I believe that proof is needed of a sincere intent to change before a drastic change. It is possible to avoid socializing with friends in person and n the computer networking sites. It is not comfortable but if he can show introspection and learn to like himself without the need for others, maybe a relocation would help in six months or a year. by the way, we live in the same conditions in our small</p><p>town. The easy child's who used to be his friends are now acquaintances. The difficult child's who used to be his friends are primarily still his friends and provide him with companionship and a sense of respect. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/redface.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":redface:" title="redface :redface:" data-shortname=":redface:" /> Our easy child/difficult child probably will never be able to turn the corner. I hope yours can prove it at home and then make a U turn into the easy child lane. Hugs DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 388813, member: 35"] I think it "depends". Back in the 80's GFGmom began to hangout with difficult child's. I felt powerless as one particular girl really had a strong influence on her decision and even the influence at school was indicating big problems ahead. Meanwhile my mostly easy child son began to smoke pot, hang out with guys who had no motivation and went from an A student to a C/D studentand didn't want to listen to family input. We did move. In fact my son "refused" to come with us and arranged to live with a friends family. :surprised1: We [B]all [/B]moved. The change was a culture shock. I dislike where we are and have for over thirty years! GFGmom benefitted from the move. Did graduate and go on to the community college. Her tenencies led her to hang out with less than perfect teens [B]but [/B]she had no trouble with substances or the law. My son adapted quickly and once again began making good grades etc. He graduated from the University and is a highly respected State law enforcement leader. So, for them, the move worked. on the other hand I would have loved to relocate when easy child/difficult child began to get into trouble. We just couldn't do it. There's no telling. He is now 23 and speaks of how things will change when we relocate. When he is with family he is still a wonderful easy child. When he is with peers, however, he is most comfortable. My gut tells me it is too late for him even if we had a chance to start afresh. Parents with teen difficult child's dream of the 18th birthday. If you have a violent, substance abusing difficult child who refuses rehab and guidance then chances are you'll have them leave the nest. If you have a young adult who is showing improvement (even in baby steps) the decision is subjective. Our easy child/difficult child is an adult who probably would end up in stripes without the family support. I believe that changing cities might work if there are consistent signs of effort at home to avoid the problems that messed up previous years. I believe that changing cities might work if there is a specific occupational or educational goal with sustained interest and a pre-move indication of effort to achieve that goal. Online school? Job experience? Volunteer or church participation? A willingness to spend time alone at home in lieu of hanging out with old buddies. An abrupt change, in my humble opinion, would not do the trick. Dreaming, in my humble opinion, would just change the venue. Something showing self-discipline and a sustained interest???...maybe. I do agree that difficult child's attract other difficult child's like blanking magnets. :sad-very: That's why I believe that proof is needed of a sincere intent to change before a drastic change. It is possible to avoid socializing with friends in person and n the computer networking sites. It is not comfortable but if he can show introspection and learn to like himself without the need for others, maybe a relocation would help in six months or a year. by the way, we live in the same conditions in our small town. The easy child's who used to be his friends are now acquaintances. The difficult child's who used to be his friends are primarily still his friends and provide him with companionship and a sense of respect. :blushing: Our easy child/difficult child probably will never be able to turn the corner. I hope yours can prove it at home and then make a U turn into the easy child lane. Hugs DDD [/QUOTE]
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