just asked your difficult children what it is they want from you? After a particularly intense 2 weeks with the tweedles I sat kt down & asked her how much she wanted me to continue to "fight" for her. Plain out asked kt if she needed the level of help from me that she needed 2 years ago or 6 years ago. What could I back down from; in what areas did she need more? Turned out to be an interesting (albeit short) conversation. kt would like me to trust her to handle her friends & the varying situations they bring into her life. The same goes for school & her treatment plan. I've stopped attending therapy with kt tho therapist is in contact with me. I've given kt the tools she needs for success in school, including, yup you guessed it, a timer to help her stay on task thru her class & then when to get back to work after her break. kt would like me to trust her with her clothes purchases ~ I can do that within reason. There are just some styles I can't abide. This all started out to clarify in my mind the needs of ktbug. I'm pushing her to be more responsible & I know she has the tools, the skills to do what any 16 year old can do. It's helping me redefine my role as parent - helping me step back & watch. I know when I need to step in again; I have that part down pat. The letting go is more of a problem. Have any of you just asked this of your difficult children? I'm going to have the same talk with wm.