Have I done a good or bad thing?
- Thread starter klmno
- Start date
klmno
Active Member
SLSH: I did not know that- I am so glad you told me! I had thought if I mail a typed letter regarding difficult child it would automatically be kept in his file- especially if they automatically keep scribbled notes on post-its written by someone at school. HMMM.
Marguerite: I think this is exactly what has happened with difficult child for over 2 years now. The sd had been doing things like this- it started with humiliating him in class in front of peers at same time we had personal family issues and he learned that his father had chosen to never see or know him. I believe the sd's actions greatly contributed to difficult child adding things up in his mind that "he was a worthless bad kid and that's why his father chose this". This is when difficult child starting crying at the drop of a hat, saying negative things about himself, stealing, jumping out of cars, giving away toys, swinging knives and starting a fire at his own body- which is why I put him in acute psychiatric hospital. When I tried to get sd to understand and get on board with some help, principal (elem school) apparently thought I was making excuses for difficult child and started calling cops every chance she had- 5 times.
It is different in this middle school- a little- but 2-3 weeks ago principal was telling me that even though difficult child has failing grades, they will "make sure he passes the grade". After I nicely emailed saying I thought he needed some one-on-one accommodations, making it obvious I guess that I expected accommodations that actually help him learn, not changing his grades just so he can pass, and I asked for a private meeting with principal, then I get the talk that would leave any parent feeling like "oh, I should be more worried about difficult child at home, and leave them alone at sd"- which is exactly what I think it was designed to do.
I know difficult child isn't a easy child and he can become unstable and do erratic things again at any moment. So, I can't swear that I know he'd never do any of the things he was accused of. But, when he is unstable- the 2 times- there have been other signs that I have noticed and reported to psychiatrist- inability to sleep, emotional basket-case, telling me he can't take anymore, easily frustrated, no motivation, etc. I have not noticed these signs lately.
We had tried lowering lithium dosage a small amount for 10 days- then I saw him having trouble going to sleep and he suddenly lost his temper and threw his trumpet one night so he immediatley went back up on dosage. I don't think he had become so unstable as to do the things he was accused of. I do believe, however, that if he can be doing these things and there be no indicators at home, school, while meeting with therapist, etc, that he would need to be in a hospital until we can know he is getting helped more. (I think it would mean he has much more serious problems than we are aware of right now- so I would want it revealed.) Somehow, the sd either doesn't understand or doesn't care that this is extremely important and they should be helping- not throwing doubts into it then turning their backs.
Marguerite: I think this is exactly what has happened with difficult child for over 2 years now. The sd had been doing things like this- it started with humiliating him in class in front of peers at same time we had personal family issues and he learned that his father had chosen to never see or know him. I believe the sd's actions greatly contributed to difficult child adding things up in his mind that "he was a worthless bad kid and that's why his father chose this". This is when difficult child starting crying at the drop of a hat, saying negative things about himself, stealing, jumping out of cars, giving away toys, swinging knives and starting a fire at his own body- which is why I put him in acute psychiatric hospital. When I tried to get sd to understand and get on board with some help, principal (elem school) apparently thought I was making excuses for difficult child and started calling cops every chance she had- 5 times.
It is different in this middle school- a little- but 2-3 weeks ago principal was telling me that even though difficult child has failing grades, they will "make sure he passes the grade". After I nicely emailed saying I thought he needed some one-on-one accommodations, making it obvious I guess that I expected accommodations that actually help him learn, not changing his grades just so he can pass, and I asked for a private meeting with principal, then I get the talk that would leave any parent feeling like "oh, I should be more worried about difficult child at home, and leave them alone at sd"- which is exactly what I think it was designed to do.
I know difficult child isn't a easy child and he can become unstable and do erratic things again at any moment. So, I can't swear that I know he'd never do any of the things he was accused of. But, when he is unstable- the 2 times- there have been other signs that I have noticed and reported to psychiatrist- inability to sleep, emotional basket-case, telling me he can't take anymore, easily frustrated, no motivation, etc. I have not noticed these signs lately.
We had tried lowering lithium dosage a small amount for 10 days- then I saw him having trouble going to sleep and he suddenly lost his temper and threw his trumpet one night so he immediatley went back up on dosage. I don't think he had become so unstable as to do the things he was accused of. I do believe, however, that if he can be doing these things and there be no indicators at home, school, while meeting with therapist, etc, that he would need to be in a hospital until we can know he is getting helped more. (I think it would mean he has much more serious problems than we are aware of right now- so I would want it revealed.) Somehow, the sd either doesn't understand or doesn't care that this is extremely important and they should be helping- not throwing doubts into it then turning their backs.
jenn4anthony
New Member
i had NO IDEA that when you correspond with a school district that unless you request for the letter to be placed into the file, then they dont place it in the file!!
I think that what you have done for your child is awesome, it is not a bad thing at all. you should very on top of your child, the situation and the school district. you know this, but document everything request that it goes in your child's file and just continue to be a STRONG WILLED ADVOCATE for your child.
I have not read each and every post here, but, i intend to during the next day or so...i must catch up...but i want you to know that you have my support and everyones and you just keep on top of everything as you are and everything will work out.
I am only here for one/two days and I have learned some pretty interesting and very helpful information. I think the SD's, unfortunately, are in this to look out for themselves as well, which is sad, very sad. children MUST come first. Now, I have to say, with that being said, my school district here on long island has worked with my husband and i regarding our difficult child 1 - Anthony...and, he has been getting services...speech, Occupational Therapist (OT), SEIT services...an aide in his nursery and pre-k class...and we received parent counseling from the time he was three years old...we tried to get early intervention but, he did not qualify under early intervention, so, he received services through the district under CPSE..i am now forgetting what that stands for.
I will talk to you later..hugs and friendship
Sorry to
I think that what you have done for your child is awesome, it is not a bad thing at all. you should very on top of your child, the situation and the school district. you know this, but document everything request that it goes in your child's file and just continue to be a STRONG WILLED ADVOCATE for your child.
I have not read each and every post here, but, i intend to during the next day or so...i must catch up...but i want you to know that you have my support and everyones and you just keep on top of everything as you are and everything will work out.
I am only here for one/two days and I have learned some pretty interesting and very helpful information. I think the SD's, unfortunately, are in this to look out for themselves as well, which is sad, very sad. children MUST come first. Now, I have to say, with that being said, my school district here on long island has worked with my husband and i regarding our difficult child 1 - Anthony...and, he has been getting services...speech, Occupational Therapist (OT), SEIT services...an aide in his nursery and pre-k class...and we received parent counseling from the time he was three years old...we tried to get early intervention but, he did not qualify under early intervention, so, he received services through the district under CPSE..i am now forgetting what that stands for.
I will talk to you later..hugs and friendship
Sorry to
Star*
call 911........call 911
I went through something similar with Dude in 7th grade. A little girl on the playground had gotten a new purse for good grades. She liked my son. In typical middle school horseplay she came up behind my son and belted him in the back with her purse. It left a mark. He got up, chased her and told her not to do it again. She giggled, snuck up behind him and belted him again, except this time Dudes classmates told him she was doing it, and he turned around, grabbed the purse - did the tug o war - the strap broke, she fell down. She was laughed at by all the boys standing around.
She got up and went to the playground monitor crying that Dude broke her brand new purse that her daddy just got her for good grades and then proceeded to tell the principal (who already had it out for dude) that he laughed when she fell.
My son had NO idea what was going on - all I know is he was taken out of class, handcuffed, and hauled to some office building in another town and we were told he had been "detained". We went there - and before my son could even tell his side of the story - they had jerked him out of class and thrown cuffs on him and hauled him to this place.
When we got there - the lady was in charge of the arbitration program. We had to go 3 times to this redundant class with this man - to avoid prosecution. I went back to the school after I talked to some of the other kids that were there and demanded that SHE be brought in to the office with her father for the truth, and possibly assault charges on MY son - if this is how they wanted to play it.
The principal pretty much let me know at that time - that he would not. That if my son even put his nose out of joint he would have him taken to jail. My son hadn't caused any trouble OUTSIDE of the self contained class. So this was just unreal to us. We went to arbitration - and it was basically 1st strike - second strike is court and probation and third strike is arrest and Department of Juvenile Justice.
We even contacted the Father of the girl to see just what in the H was his problem - did he want us to replace the purse, did he know his daughter had used it as a weapon? And the Father told us - he was sorry that he wasn't sure what his daughter had said for us to have to go through all this trouble - then he found out via his daughter that she liked my son, and he didn't return the feelings she' hit him. Then they struggled, the purse broke she was afraid she was in trouble with him so she told the principal that my son pushed her and then ripped her purse apart so her Dad wouldn't know.
And that's what I think about principals and other kids who seemingly never ever get in trouble and embellish their stories because they are afraid -
I'd go to their parents and ask them to ask their kids what they said and if it's true that your son is being a bully - handle it. If not then I would ask the parents to come to the school with you and straighten this **** out.
Grade school politics - are bunk. And I don't give a hang what anyone thinks - My son was ALWAYS guilty and had to prove his innocence time and again because KIDS are not DUMB - they knew that my kid acted out in class - so who better to pin it on ???
Send the registered letter with his file - but don't expect to get ALL of it without a court order. They can take things out - they SURE did with my kids file. Maybe you should go there yourself and offer to make copies - then return it?
Sorry for you really - And the next time that a teacher asks you what are you going to do about (this this and this) tell her "I'll take it under advisement" don't say "I'm not going to do anything." (I'm not going to do anything is a LOT nicer than what I've said in the past) My kid got framed a lot. I think in some ways he felt like if he was going to get framed for junk - he may as well do some of that junk. Our school stinks - still does.
Star
She got up and went to the playground monitor crying that Dude broke her brand new purse that her daddy just got her for good grades and then proceeded to tell the principal (who already had it out for dude) that he laughed when she fell.
My son had NO idea what was going on - all I know is he was taken out of class, handcuffed, and hauled to some office building in another town and we were told he had been "detained". We went there - and before my son could even tell his side of the story - they had jerked him out of class and thrown cuffs on him and hauled him to this place.
When we got there - the lady was in charge of the arbitration program. We had to go 3 times to this redundant class with this man - to avoid prosecution. I went back to the school after I talked to some of the other kids that were there and demanded that SHE be brought in to the office with her father for the truth, and possibly assault charges on MY son - if this is how they wanted to play it.
The principal pretty much let me know at that time - that he would not. That if my son even put his nose out of joint he would have him taken to jail. My son hadn't caused any trouble OUTSIDE of the self contained class. So this was just unreal to us. We went to arbitration - and it was basically 1st strike - second strike is court and probation and third strike is arrest and Department of Juvenile Justice.
We even contacted the Father of the girl to see just what in the H was his problem - did he want us to replace the purse, did he know his daughter had used it as a weapon? And the Father told us - he was sorry that he wasn't sure what his daughter had said for us to have to go through all this trouble - then he found out via his daughter that she liked my son, and he didn't return the feelings she' hit him. Then they struggled, the purse broke she was afraid she was in trouble with him so she told the principal that my son pushed her and then ripped her purse apart so her Dad wouldn't know.
And that's what I think about principals and other kids who seemingly never ever get in trouble and embellish their stories because they are afraid -
I'd go to their parents and ask them to ask their kids what they said and if it's true that your son is being a bully - handle it. If not then I would ask the parents to come to the school with you and straighten this **** out.
Grade school politics - are bunk. And I don't give a hang what anyone thinks - My son was ALWAYS guilty and had to prove his innocence time and again because KIDS are not DUMB - they knew that my kid acted out in class - so who better to pin it on ???
Send the registered letter with his file - but don't expect to get ALL of it without a court order. They can take things out - they SURE did with my kids file. Maybe you should go there yourself and offer to make copies - then return it?
Sorry for you really - And the next time that a teacher asks you what are you going to do about (this this and this) tell her "I'll take it under advisement" don't say "I'm not going to do anything." (I'm not going to do anything is a LOT nicer than what I've said in the past) My kid got framed a lot. I think in some ways he felt like if he was going to get framed for junk - he may as well do some of that junk. Our school stinks - still does.
Star
klmno
Active Member
Thank you all so much! Really, there are times that between difficult child issues, trying to just keep up with work, bills, house chores, legal issues from difficult child's crime spree, family that's toxic- then the sd- sometimes I think maybe I'm just not living in reality. Then I see decisions these people are making and things they are doing and ALL my gut tells me that I'm not insane- it is so nice to have this feedback! Hearing from others that this really is going on with sd's- in many places- let's me feel more confident. Kind of like when you think you are the only one being physically abused by a SO- you feel scared to tell anyone and don't know how to describe it. What a pitiful situation to know that it is so common that many others do know this really does happen.
I soooo WISH I had known about and used this forum 2 years ago. It could have saved so much heartache for difficult child and me. It's ok- they won't do us in!!
Thank you all, again! I'll be picking some info out of my past few posts- there is wonderful info in them. I'm going to do some writing about all this and it will be sent to at least one place- probably more- certified mail. If it doesn't change things for difficult child, maybe it can help another, at least someone in this town is going to really HEAR what has been going on.
It is one thing to make a mistake and punish a kid unfairly because they (or we) believed the wrong story so they get a week of detention or being grounded. It is another when they are doing things to ruin kid's lives because they have preconceived notions about a kid or an illness or a disability. That burns me to no end. How many of our kids had their few chances decreased because of ignorance from sd- the very people who are supposed to be teaching everyone else.
I'm off now- at least for a bit! If anyone else has any other advice or suggestions or experience with this, please let me know. I feel sure your help has given difficult child a chance in life that he wouldn't have had otherwise- I can't tell you how much that means to me!
I soooo WISH I had known about and used this forum 2 years ago. It could have saved so much heartache for difficult child and me. It's ok- they won't do us in!!
Thank you all, again! I'll be picking some info out of my past few posts- there is wonderful info in them. I'm going to do some writing about all this and it will be sent to at least one place- probably more- certified mail. If it doesn't change things for difficult child, maybe it can help another, at least someone in this town is going to really HEAR what has been going on.
It is one thing to make a mistake and punish a kid unfairly because they (or we) believed the wrong story so they get a week of detention or being grounded. It is another when they are doing things to ruin kid's lives because they have preconceived notions about a kid or an illness or a disability. That burns me to no end. How many of our kids had their few chances decreased because of ignorance from sd- the very people who are supposed to be teaching everyone else.
I'm off now- at least for a bit! If anyone else has any other advice or suggestions or experience with this, please let me know. I feel sure your help has given difficult child a chance in life that he wouldn't have had otherwise- I can't tell you how much that means to me!
