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Have run out of ideas but can't give-up
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 322852" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>Welcome to the board, and I'm sorry that you need us. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> I think you have probably hit the right area of the board, given that your son is 20 years old. I'm one of the tough old broads of the board, so I will keep it to a minimum, and hope that one of the kinder gentler ladies will step in. Truth be told, the advice is probably the same from all of us.</p><p></p><p>I think that for most of us with kids who are older than 18 and getting into trouble with the law, we begin to realize that we have to let them go with the consequences of their actions, and that we can no longer help them. They have to get it themselves. </p><p></p><p>It's funny, as I was reading your message, I had the tv on in the background. The people were attending an AA meeting, and saying the Serenity Prayer. This board isn't a 12 step program by any stretch of the imagination. But a lot of us have found some wisdom in those words.</p><p><span style="color: Blue"></span></p><p><span style="color: Blue">"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change"</span> <span style="color: Black">(Our grown children's poor choices.)</span></p><p><span style="color: Black"></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><span style="color: Blue">"The courage to change the things I can" <span style="color: Black">(Live our own lives for ourselves, thereby being stronger for those around us.)</span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><span style="color: Blue"><span style="color: Black"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><span style="color: Blue"><span style="color: Black"><span style="color: Blue">"And the wisdom to know the difference."</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><span style="color: Blue"><span style="color: Black"><span style="color: Blue"><span style="color: Black"></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><span style="color: Blue"><span style="color: Black"><span style="color: Blue"><span style="color: Black">I think most of our kids have some sort of diagnosis that seems hopeless, and we have done everything in our power to get them the tools they need to live a productive life. They have trouble controlling their anger, like yours, but they do have the tools to do so if they apply them. But they have a warm place to stay, food to eat, money (or things to trade) to buy drugs with. So they don't <em>have</em> to use those tools to get a job and be a productive member of society. Hunger is a great motivator. Sometimes when we let them go hungry or be cold, they figure it out. Not always, but more often than not. It's as hard on us moms to watch it and not jump in as it is for them to go through it.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><span style="color: Blue"><span style="color: Black"><span style="color: Blue"><span style="color: Black"></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><span style="color: Blue"><span style="color: Black"><span style="color: Blue"><span style="color: Black">I know your journey is a difficult one. I hope that you know that you are not alone. My advice is to let him fall and have to find his own way. You can't make the right choices for him. Those are his to make.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><span style="color: Blue"><span style="color: Black"><span style="color: Blue"><span style="color: Black"></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="color: Black"><span style="color: Blue"><span style="color: Black"><span style="color: Blue"></span></span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 322852, member: 99"] Welcome to the board, and I'm sorry that you need us. ;) I think you have probably hit the right area of the board, given that your son is 20 years old. I'm one of the tough old broads of the board, so I will keep it to a minimum, and hope that one of the kinder gentler ladies will step in. Truth be told, the advice is probably the same from all of us. I think that for most of us with kids who are older than 18 and getting into trouble with the law, we begin to realize that we have to let them go with the consequences of their actions, and that we can no longer help them. They have to get it themselves. It's funny, as I was reading your message, I had the tv on in the background. The people were attending an AA meeting, and saying the Serenity Prayer. This board isn't a 12 step program by any stretch of the imagination. But a lot of us have found some wisdom in those words. [COLOR=Blue] "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change"[/COLOR] [COLOR=Black](Our grown children's poor choices.) [COLOR=Blue]"The courage to change the things I can" [COLOR=Black](Live our own lives for ourselves, thereby being stronger for those around us.) [COLOR=Blue]"And the wisdom to know the difference." [COLOR=Black] I think most of our kids have some sort of diagnosis that seems hopeless, and we have done everything in our power to get them the tools they need to live a productive life. They have trouble controlling their anger, like yours, but they do have the tools to do so if they apply them. But they have a warm place to stay, food to eat, money (or things to trade) to buy drugs with. So they don't [I]have[/I] to use those tools to get a job and be a productive member of society. Hunger is a great motivator. Sometimes when we let them go hungry or be cold, they figure it out. Not always, but more often than not. It's as hard on us moms to watch it and not jump in as it is for them to go through it. I know your journey is a difficult one. I hope that you know that you are not alone. My advice is to let him fall and have to find his own way. You can't make the right choices for him. Those are his to make. [/COLOR] [/COLOR][/COLOR][/COLOR][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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