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Parent Emeritus
Have run out of ideas but can't give-up
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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 323467" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>Hi, and a warm welcome. I am another tough old broad with a 21 year old difficult child whose history sounds much like yours. We've been through the multiple diagnoses, psychiatric admits, IEPs, drug and alcohol problems, disrespect, violence, etc. Our difficult child moved out six months ago and, while he still has a long way to go, he's learned more and made more progress while on his own than he ever would have with us. We don't support him financially at all, although I give him some help with medical appointments and paperwork because of his auditory processing deficit and memory problems. I think he just has to work things through himself. It's hard - there's so much we want to be able to do for him, but we've learned that doing things for him just sets him back. He has to learn things himself. So we try to remember that this is his life, and we have our own lives, and we love him but can't make decisions for him. </p><p></p><p>Re the temper/violence/breaking things/crying cycle, we've definitely been there done that. If I got upset along with him it just intensified his raging; I had to learn to get very calm and cold and tell him clearly what the consequences would be should he cross that line. Once he knew I meant it, the whole dynamic changed. </p><p></p><p>I don't have any great advice, except to hang in and be there for the rest of your family, especially your younger child. The younger ones get severely affected by the turmoil and depression that goes on - remember to focus on a younger child even more than you might otherwise. Warm wishes and big hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 323467, member: 2884"] Hi, and a warm welcome. I am another tough old broad with a 21 year old difficult child whose history sounds much like yours. We've been through the multiple diagnoses, psychiatric admits, IEPs, drug and alcohol problems, disrespect, violence, etc. Our difficult child moved out six months ago and, while he still has a long way to go, he's learned more and made more progress while on his own than he ever would have with us. We don't support him financially at all, although I give him some help with medical appointments and paperwork because of his auditory processing deficit and memory problems. I think he just has to work things through himself. It's hard - there's so much we want to be able to do for him, but we've learned that doing things for him just sets him back. He has to learn things himself. So we try to remember that this is his life, and we have our own lives, and we love him but can't make decisions for him. Re the temper/violence/breaking things/crying cycle, we've definitely been there done that. If I got upset along with him it just intensified his raging; I had to learn to get very calm and cold and tell him clearly what the consequences would be should he cross that line. Once he knew I meant it, the whole dynamic changed. I don't have any great advice, except to hang in and be there for the rest of your family, especially your younger child. The younger ones get severely affected by the turmoil and depression that goes on - remember to focus on a younger child even more than you might otherwise. Warm wishes and big hugs. [/QUOTE]
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