Haven't Been on here in awhile, I am at my whits end

[momtwins25]

Need some advice:

I have twins boys they are 12 and both have adhd and bi polar, My one twin peanut is really having a hard time in school this year, he is being bullied, lying about and not doing his homework, and he doesn't seem to think it is a big deal. Today I got a call from one of his teachers and he now has a detention for not doing his homework. I have decided to pull him out of karate for the homework thing because he has been warned about it several times in the passed few months and I am done paying for something he thinks he is owed and thinks he can get away with not doing his homework. As of right now I am still allowing him to be in wrestling thru the school, because if he continues to not do his homework he will not be allowed on the team per the schools rules for sports.

Now for my other twin moose, he has severe anger issues and an attitude beyond anything I have ever seen. He will have fits of rage to where he will attack his brother and choke him, he also will call me every name in the book, and I get told to "shut up u f***ing b***h", I am fed up with the disrespect and anger. He has also been pulled out of karate as of today, has been warned several times and still continues to act the same way. Now that I pulled him out all I have heard is how mean I am and that I am a b***h, and a bad mom. I am letting him stay in wrestling also, cuz he needs an outlet and I am trying to keep him out of trouble.

I can't find a psychologist that will see them due to us being on public aid and the county health dept has a waiting list of 3 yrs to get in to see one. I do have an appointment with their pediatrician to see if a medication change will work, but I have discussed it with her before and she doesn't want to change their medication dosage.

Am I doing the right thing by not taking away everything from them, or should I take it all away (like my mom said)?

Also any other advice on how to get control of these 2 boys will help I am about at the end of my rope with this behavior.

 

[JJJ]

Have you ever called the CARES line?

If you are in need of SASS Services or experiencing a mental health crisis, please contact the CARES line at 1-800-345-9049

Alternately, the next time twin2 explodes, call 911 and tell them you need emergency transport of a mentally ill child to the local ER. The ER doctor will call SASS (insist that they do it).

 

[TeDo]

JJJ has some good advice. Another thing you might want to consider is the remote possibility that the medications could be CAUSING the aggression. difficult child 1 had the exact same behavior you're describing but discovered it was being caused by medications. In our case, it was Risperdal and later Prozac. In both cases, the behavior started out gradual and got progressively worse over a period of months. Both times, the behavior stopped when the medications were stopped.

Do what JJJ said. Check out that link and next time, DO call 911. I had to do that and it resulted in difficult child 1 being admitted to a psychiatric hospital where they figured out what was causing it and changed medications. It also gave him immediate access to a psychiatrist that had a long waiting list (we're also on gov't ins).

 

[InsaneCdn]

They are TWELVE and the doctor won't consider that the medications dosage could be off-base?
Puberty does all sorts of wonderful numbers on medications - as does the growth spurts.
What worked before, may become ineffective - or hyper-effective.

 

[BusynMember]

Actually, if your kids have bipolar, even with ADHD, stimulants make those kids even worse. I'd see another doctor, even if it's just another pediatrician. Isn't there some county mental health center near you? Are you in the US?

 

[TeDo]

I'm with MWM. If they are bipolar, why aren't they on bipolar medications to even out their moods? And yes, stimulants can make bipolar symptoms worse.

 

[DaisyFace]

First of all, middle school stinks! I think most kids have a hard time in school at that age...

Second - who is prescribing this medication? Don't they have to be seen by a mental health professional at least periodically to get these medications?

Third - I think the violence really needs to be in a separate category from "not doing homework". Consequences such as grounding and missing out on fun things are fine for being irresponsible, like not getting school work done. Violence needs to be handled differently.

in my humble opinion - you need to draw a line in the sand that will not be crossed. Violence is not acceptable. If there IS ever violence, absolutely call 911. Get your son transported to the hospital. If the medications are changed and he is still violent? Call 911 again. You let them know that you will call 911 each and every time there is violence - and DO IT! Every single time!

Meanwhile, I am not in your area - but it seems like there should be somebody you could call to have these boys seen sooner rather than later. I hope some of our members in your area will have some ideas about resources for you.