Mattsmom277
Active Member
S/O and I never fight. Ever. We have fought in the past, only and always due to his alcoholism which hasn't been a factor for several years since he's sober and thriving, and even when he was struggling it was isolated incidents and in between we never fight, we are good communicators.
I'm lividly angry right now and NOT at my S/O. He's snappy and moody and started the dumbest argument about a stupid topic that has no bearing on anything in our lives and is absolutely NOT in his character. Nor is it in my character to rise to pointless conflict, especially with my beloved S/O.
He's stormed off to bed after being childish and unable to get unstuck from a dumb argument that later we'll both laugh at. I KNOW why this is happening, its natural and its common and rather expected given the goings on in our home emotionally this week. It's just so unlike US and we do NOT ever go to bed angry with each other. It's not done and yet I know he needs to sleep off the angst that burst from him. I know it's not personal. I'm not angry with him and when he calms down he'll know it to be true. I know also he is not angry with me. This was simply a outpouring of raw emotion based in pain at the events in my life and the obvious sign that it impacts my S/O BECAUSE he loves me so much and doesn't know how to cope when I hurt this deeply and he cannot fix this for me, only time can.
I'm just mad at HIM and by HIM I do NOT mean my loving S/O. I'm mad at HIM for even one freaking night where I'm crying too hard to go to bed with S/O in this state of mind because I know my tears at our fight will make S/O hurt more for thinking he's to blame and he's NOT. And I won't hurt my S/O. He's my rock and my gift in life. Is it wrong to say I hope HE has learned the fine art of which way the razor blade is meant to cut if he takes it in his head to take the cowards way out? He has taken enough. Even ONE night of upset between my S/O and myself is TOO MUCH. I hate that my S/O is now hurting and he never even met the man. He simply loves this pigs daughter so much that my hurt causes his hurt. And that path leads back to HIM.
I guess the inevitable rage stage has arrived. I could slam piles of plates on my kitchen floor right now, and I'm not a thrower. It's a good thing my beautiful easy child is home because it means I won't lose it for the first time in my life. Today just SUCKS. And I just needed to vent. There's no need for responses, just please accept I needed to let it out somewhere.
I'm lividly angry right now and NOT at my S/O. He's snappy and moody and started the dumbest argument about a stupid topic that has no bearing on anything in our lives and is absolutely NOT in his character. Nor is it in my character to rise to pointless conflict, especially with my beloved S/O.
He's stormed off to bed after being childish and unable to get unstuck from a dumb argument that later we'll both laugh at. I KNOW why this is happening, its natural and its common and rather expected given the goings on in our home emotionally this week. It's just so unlike US and we do NOT ever go to bed angry with each other. It's not done and yet I know he needs to sleep off the angst that burst from him. I know it's not personal. I'm not angry with him and when he calms down he'll know it to be true. I know also he is not angry with me. This was simply a outpouring of raw emotion based in pain at the events in my life and the obvious sign that it impacts my S/O BECAUSE he loves me so much and doesn't know how to cope when I hurt this deeply and he cannot fix this for me, only time can.
I'm just mad at HIM and by HIM I do NOT mean my loving S/O. I'm mad at HIM for even one freaking night where I'm crying too hard to go to bed with S/O in this state of mind because I know my tears at our fight will make S/O hurt more for thinking he's to blame and he's NOT. And I won't hurt my S/O. He's my rock and my gift in life. Is it wrong to say I hope HE has learned the fine art of which way the razor blade is meant to cut if he takes it in his head to take the cowards way out? He has taken enough. Even ONE night of upset between my S/O and myself is TOO MUCH. I hate that my S/O is now hurting and he never even met the man. He simply loves this pigs daughter so much that my hurt causes his hurt. And that path leads back to HIM.
I guess the inevitable rage stage has arrived. I could slam piles of plates on my kitchen floor right now, and I'm not a thrower. It's a good thing my beautiful easy child is home because it means I won't lose it for the first time in my life. Today just SUCKS. And I just needed to vent. There's no need for responses, just please accept I needed to let it out somewhere.
