I don't know where I left off, but I'll move along to our current scenario. Our difficult child was on a good path, had a job, was in college (for a second time) and living with his girlfriend. He stopped seeing his psychiatrist and started hanging out with old friends again, I couldn't stand his high maintenance girlfriend (although she is drug free and has a pretty good head on her shoulders, she was just very disrespectful to me). Well, our difficult child got fired from his job (he's had five jobs in 6 months, most of the time he just doesn't show up, this time they fired him), he started skipping classes so my husband and I said "we've had enough", we've been down this road before and if you're not going to help yourself there is nothing more we can do. We showed him the door. Fast forward, he was living off his girlfriend. She is in college, works part time and he just sat around and lived off her. After a few months she kicked him out (he wasn't being faithful and his pot smoking was getting to her). He showed up on our doorstep, garbage bag of clothes on our front step and we told him to come in while we called the shelter. He was so upset that we wouldn't let him stay. In my heart I wanted to let him stay, but I knew that nothing had changed. He panicked and asked if he could call some friends, I said sure, and he found someone to stay with. Actually, it's a nice family that lives just a few blocks from us. I'm sooo embarassed and feeling guilty about what these people must think of me as a mother. I know I shouldn't worry about these things, my son is almost 20 now and makes his own decisions, but I can't help myself from worrying. I haven't called this family, I don't want to discuss our issues for fear they'll throw him out. Fast forward to today... A few weeks ago my son managed to get a job all on his own! I'm proud of him for that. It's full time, he's finished training and he starts tomorrow. He asked my husband and I if he could move back home and I told him we had to discuss things and I would get back to him. I also told him that if we agreed it wouldn't happen right away and that he should plan to start his job and we'd talk about things later. My husband and I are thinking that we'll give him one more shot, albeit with a list of rules that our difficult child might not agree to. Rent, no friends in our home, he must keep a job, help out, no drugs, etc.... We've typed a contract. I'm still holding off on talking to my difficult child, i don't want him to think that we're jumping at bringing him back into our home. In fact, we have really enjoyed some peace, and we're not looking forward to him coming back. I don't trust my difficult child, I don't like his manipulative, lazy ways, but I do love him. I've really detached this time though, and if he screws up "once" I won't have a problem putting him on the street. I'll always love him, but I've realized that I also love myself, my husband and my other children too. Am I a bad mother for feeling spent with my difficult child? Should I be feeling differently? I've never felt this way before. I'm just sooo over his sob stories. I'm embarassed by his choices. I still have hope that one day he'll change... Thanks for listening everyone... feels good to get it out.