having a hard time with difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by StressedM0mma, Jan 31, 2013.

  1. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    She was sick, and I took her to the Dr. And... the hypochondria starts. We had to go and get a chest xray because she kept saying that her chest hurts when she breathes. X ray is clear of course. We have missed days of school. Not good for a child that avoids to begin with. I was so fed up that I just offered online school for her. At least then I would know that she was attending. Nope. Now she wants to go to school. UGH!!! This child is driving me absolutely totally crazy. I am not sure where to go with her. I have had rational discussions with her. I have had screaming fits (not my proudest moment) Bribed threatened. So tired. I am not sure I can do this for 2 more years. I really think anRTC/boarding school would be great for her. But, where would the funds for that come from.

    Sorry for the downer posts lately. Just i a funk myself I guess. The weather has been horrid, and my house is a mess since I have been dealing with all of her koi. Hoping that she has a good morning. And we get to school on time.
  2. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I wish I had some advice for you. Stay strong.
  3. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Thanks Bunny. She has already texted me that her tummy burns, and could she come home and go back later. It is so hard to ignore her txts. She will just keep going. I hate being a mean mom. But, she rode her horse last night, so she can't be that sick. I hate feeling so stressed every day. It hoovers. I thought we were doing really well, then bam, she rears her ugly difficult child head.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    From one who was once school phobic and a hypochondriac, I would force the online school. she NEEDS an education. Both phobias and hypochondriasis are treatable. In fact, phobias are easier to treat than most mental health issues (with the right therapy and medications). No joke that my medications took away my hypochondriasis (probably spelled wrong). Obviously the Celexa isn't helping it and I'd be really iffy about giving Concerta to a really nervous kid. I took Ritalin and it just made the nervousness and depression worse. Not sure why she's taking that. I'd want her off of it ASAP. On top of making nervous kids more nervous, as it can do, it can also cause stomach aches.

    Also cognitive therapy is excellent for phobias. For me, that was quite effective whereas plain old talk therapy did nothing for me at all except give me a temporary lift that didn't last beyond the sesssion. CBT teaches coping skills. She needs to learn how to calm her body down. I would also recommend she try a therapist who also knows about Mindfulness. This helps you stay in the moment, rather than catastrophize and worry, which is what phobic people do. I feel really sorry for your daughter and you as it is both hard to have and hard to live with.

    If she keeps going to school, even though she sporadically says she wants to go, she may end up like I did...being so nervous in school that she is focused on how her body feels (even if she is causing her own symptoms and not knowing it). When you are THAT nervous, you can't focus on the teacher and you can't learn. I would have done better at home while working hard on my issues to overcome my fear of going out. Of course, in my day, there was no online schools and no good psychiatric help. So I graduated 700th in a class of about 830. I got to know the nurse really well. If she does online school, at least she is getting an education. Meanwhile, I would look for a good cognitive therapist for her and make her work her tail off to get better. Hugs to both of you.
  5. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    MWM, she has a great therapist, that we really like. I ended up picking her up. I have been pushing online school, but she says over and over she wants to be there. We had a long conversation about what things are going to change. We will see. I actually exained to her that the reason I get frustrated and mad is that I feel her illnesses are based on the anxiety, not actual being sick. She listened and responded. So, we will see what tomorrow brings.
  6. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    She talked to me,and explained that when I tell her she HAS to go to school every day, and it is not an option, it makes her even more anxious. (Not sure if it is true) And, she said that through all of her therapy, she has been told she has to focus on each individual day. So, she askedme to say to her "Just for today set up and go to school" And she said she would like that to be said everyday. She did not have a response as to what happens when she does not get up. We are also going to set 2 alarms for her to get up to. She keeps saying she is tired of me hovering and nagging, and that she can do it, so I am going to take a giant step back, and let her sink or swim. I will let everyone know what happens.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, boy, do I know where you're coming from!
    We took away my son's GameBoy (way back when) and told him that every day he missed, he'd also not be able to do ANY electronics--TV, phone, etc. It worked.
    But what really worked long-term was when he got a girlfriend.

    I'm glad that your difficult child talked to you, at least, and came up with a partial plan. One step at a time.
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    I have one more suggestion to add to this that often makes a HUGE difference for a person with anxiety. Give her an escape hatch. Call the school and arrange a "time out" location for difficult child.

    Then in the morning you say to her: Just for today, get up and go to school...and remember, you can always take a break and spend some time in (the library, or the guidance office, or the nurse's office, or wherever the "time out" spot it...) if things get stressful.
  9. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Daisy, we have an escape for her. And Terry, she had a boyfriend at the beginning of the year and things were wonderful. A friend of mine joked that she would find her a new boy so that things would go back to Normal!!
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Sorry for the rollercoaster ride! You're doing great though......never doubt that. It's just plain hard.
  11. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Thanks Buddy. husband keeps reminding me that we are in a better place than we were last year. At this time last year we were getting ready to have her admitted to the psychiatric hospital for a week, and easy child had moved out. We were also seriously considering having her removed from our home either through Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or CPS. We just didn't know what to do with her. Not that I really know right now.

    It is just so frustrating because I know that she can do better and be better. It just seems that she is just content with all of this chaos. And, I am getting so tired of her manipulation. It just totally hoovers. All of you that are single parents, I bow down to you. I just really want a break, and while I can't, those of you without anyone else really can't. HUGS to all of you.

    Honestly, I think that is the big thing, I just need a break from difficult child. husband does not help at all. He just lives in his own little bubble without any regards to difficult child or myself.