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Having a rough day today
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<blockquote data-quote="GuideMe" data-source="post: 640745" data-attributes="member: 18233"><p>Man, isn't this the truth Cedar? Preach it sista. I remember when the change from the little girl I once knew become a very angry teenager happened. It was such a drastic change and it literally happen right in front of my eyes. I will never forget the day I saw her personality change. For YEARS it boggled my mind and couldn't make sense of the <u><strong><em>grief</em></strong> </u>that I felt. One day I said to myself:" Why do I feel like my child died? Why do I feel like I'm grieving my daughters DEATH? Gina, you are just being bleeping ridiculous! Have you lost your goddamn mind??? If anyone who had a child that really died, they would think I am the worse person one earth for thinking this way, if not just plain stupid" </p><p></p><p>But I am learning that is so not true. The grief is too real. I will never see that once innocent little girl again and it kills me. It kills me to know that I didn't take advantage of those times more. It kills me to know that the dysfunction around her played a huge part in destroying her once sweet little self. I will never see that little girl again and that grief is devastatingly overwhelmingly beyond sad. I specifically feel bad for those of you who gave your children a lot more than I could have, financially, emotionally, stability, etc, etc and they were not grateful enough to take advantage of it to use it for good instead of bad. They were not grateful enough to appreciate the hell out of it. Most of all, realize how much you loved them no matter what we could or could not give.</p><p></p><p>But yes thanks for making it real Cedar. I totally get that grief and learning so many others have it too. I thought I was crazy and all alone about feeling that way. It's devastating to once have this precious child and sweet little kid, our hopes and dreams for that child, just be crushed and turned into a nightmare for lack of a better word. No one wants this. No one.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="GuideMe, post: 640745, member: 18233"] Man, isn't this the truth Cedar? Preach it sista. I remember when the change from the little girl I once knew become a very angry teenager happened. It was such a drastic change and it literally happen right in front of my eyes. I will never forget the day I saw her personality change. For YEARS it boggled my mind and couldn't make sense of the [U][B][I]grief[/I][/B] [/U]that I felt. One day I said to myself:" Why do I feel like my child died? Why do I feel like I'm grieving my daughters DEATH? Gina, you are just being bleeping ridiculous! Have you lost your goddamn mind??? If anyone who had a child that really died, they would think I am the worse person one earth for thinking this way, if not just plain stupid" But I am learning that is so not true. The grief is too real. I will never see that once innocent little girl again and it kills me. It kills me to know that I didn't take advantage of those times more. It kills me to know that the dysfunction around her played a huge part in destroying her once sweet little self. I will never see that little girl again and that grief is devastatingly overwhelmingly beyond sad. I specifically feel bad for those of you who gave your children a lot more than I could have, financially, emotionally, stability, etc, etc and they were not grateful enough to take advantage of it to use it for good instead of bad. They were not grateful enough to appreciate the hell out of it. Most of all, realize how much you loved them no matter what we could or could not give. But yes thanks for making it real Cedar. I totally get that grief and learning so many others have it too. I thought I was crazy and all alone about feeling that way. It's devastating to once have this precious child and sweet little kid, our hopes and dreams for that child, just be crushed and turned into a nightmare for lack of a better word. No one wants this. No one. [/QUOTE]
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