I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I feel like my life has no purpose. I am just going through each day on autopilot. I get up for work each morning and get the kids off to school. I come to work, which is at a high school, and I'm busy for like the first two hours, then it dies down and there's absolutely NOTHING to do. I have hours to kill on the computer. I either spend my time here or I take various surveys online to try and make money or win prizes. So far all I've won is six dollars, a sack of cat litter, toilet paper, and paper towels. The surveys are basically a waste of my time, but I'm so damn bored most of the day that I have nothing else to do. At the end of the day I pick up the difficult children from daycare, go home, make dinner, hop in the shower, and fall asleep by 8 after watching Dr. Phil. I take my night time pills at six so they will be cleared out of my system by 6 the next morning and I can drive. I am absolutely paranoid about driving with the medications still in my system since I got my DUI. I have to take them at 6 every night with dinner so they will be completely out of my system by 6 a.m. The Geodon is what knocks me out. It has to be taken on a full stomach, then it takes about an hour to two hours to knock me out cold. Sometimes I don't even make it through Dr. Phil. I haven't watched prime time TV during the work week in years because of the Geodon. I am missing out on all kinds of shows, but there's nothing I can do to help it. Usually I look forward to Friday nights because I an eat dinner and take my pills later. All of my bridal shows are on Friday night so stay up till 11 since I don't have to worry about driving the next day. I used to really look forward to Friday nights. When difficult children are gone to their dad's I drink a couple of glasses of wine. The wine totally relaxes me and I have absolutely no anxiety. I used to look forward to difficult children being gone so I could have a night to myself with my bridal shows and my wine. This weekend they will be at their dad's. For once I am not looking forward to it. Friday nights are spent by myself and Saturday nights my boyfriend comes over. I used to look forward to him coming over too, but now I couldn't care less. I feel like I have nothing going for me right now. I have nothing to look forward to. I am not getting any enjoyment out of life. I am restless and bored and no amount of company is making me feel better. I want more out of life, but what? I am not feeling at all fulfilled and I don't know why. I have two kids who Ilove like crazy even though they can really stress me out to no end. I have a boyfriend who I adore and love with all my heart. I have a pretty decent job and normally I love being around my students. I used to carry on a lot of conversations with my students and really enjoyed getting to know them. Now I feel like I have nothing to say and I don't strike up conversations like I used to. I don't know if this is just a temporary phase or if it could be considered another depression. My last depression lasted almost two years and I was hospitalized twice because of it. I finally came out of it a year ago and I was doing SO well, up until the last several weeks. I am hoping this is just a nasty phase that will end soon because I hate feeling like this. I don't know where else to turn.