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Having a Tough Time...
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<blockquote data-quote="flutterby" data-source="post: 346958" data-attributes="member: 7083"><p>DF - I understand completely what you are going through.</p><p></p><p>difficult child was a struggle from day one. Couldn't be soothed, had to be held, had to be entertained - everything you described. She had severe separation anxiety, but did amazing with therapy at age 5. When she was 7, easy child was severely depressed and hostile (I couldn't leave them alone together because easy child would hurt difficult child) and then I became severely depressed and ended up in the psychiatric hospital. difficult child used to make cards for me that read, "I hope you never die." </p><p></p><p>So, yeah, I get the guilt.</p><p></p><p>Now, she has a borderline diagnosis. I've seen it coming since she was 7. Old school thinking is that in order to have a borderline diagnosis there *had* to be abuse. They know better now, but a lot of people still think of it that way. It is 70% biological. The rest of it is emotional needs that aren't met in some form. The thing is, it wasn't humanly possible to meet her needs. Her needs were, and are, extremely exceptional (I know that's redundant, but at the same time, true). There is no possible way to meet them. It is one of the things she is working on in therapy.</p><p></p><p>You can beat yourself up all day long. The bottom line is you are a good mom. No, you're a great mom. You have done everything you can, and more, to help your child. Like Janet said, she's wired different. So is my difficult child. The objective now is treatment. </p><p></p><p>Research and educate yourself. I can't tell you how much of a load off my shoulders it was to learn that borderline is primarily biological. I'm not a perfect parent. None of us are. I've had my struggles with mental illness. There are many of us on this board that have, which makes sense as genetics plays such a role. So, reading that I'm not the only cause of her disorder was....I can't even describe it. And I do know that I tried my damndest and left no stone unturned when it came to trying to help my child. Even therapist said she's grasping at straws with difficult child, which was so validating to me. I've always said that I'm constantly racking my brain trying to figure out how to explain things to her so she'll understand, how to get through to her, how to help her.</p><p></p><p>It took me a while to get here, but I did. And you will, too. </p><p></p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="flutterby, post: 346958, member: 7083"] DF - I understand completely what you are going through. difficult child was a struggle from day one. Couldn't be soothed, had to be held, had to be entertained - everything you described. She had severe separation anxiety, but did amazing with therapy at age 5. When she was 7, easy child was severely depressed and hostile (I couldn't leave them alone together because easy child would hurt difficult child) and then I became severely depressed and ended up in the psychiatric hospital. difficult child used to make cards for me that read, "I hope you never die." So, yeah, I get the guilt. Now, she has a borderline diagnosis. I've seen it coming since she was 7. Old school thinking is that in order to have a borderline diagnosis there *had* to be abuse. They know better now, but a lot of people still think of it that way. It is 70% biological. The rest of it is emotional needs that aren't met in some form. The thing is, it wasn't humanly possible to meet her needs. Her needs were, and are, extremely exceptional (I know that's redundant, but at the same time, true). There is no possible way to meet them. It is one of the things she is working on in therapy. You can beat yourself up all day long. The bottom line is you are a good mom. No, you're a great mom. You have done everything you can, and more, to help your child. Like Janet said, she's wired different. So is my difficult child. The objective now is treatment. Research and educate yourself. I can't tell you how much of a load off my shoulders it was to learn that borderline is primarily biological. I'm not a perfect parent. None of us are. I've had my struggles with mental illness. There are many of us on this board that have, which makes sense as genetics plays such a role. So, reading that I'm not the only cause of her disorder was....I can't even describe it. And I do know that I tried my damndest and left no stone unturned when it came to trying to help my child. Even therapist said she's grasping at straws with difficult child, which was so validating to me. I've always said that I'm constantly racking my brain trying to figure out how to explain things to her so she'll understand, how to get through to her, how to help her. It took me a while to get here, but I did. And you will, too. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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