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Having a Tough Time...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 347791" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>They used to blame autism on the mother - "cold mother" syndrome. So a lot of women went through decades, lifetimes of guilt because they had a child with autism.</p><p></p><p>And we know it was wrong.</p><p></p><p>I'm wondering if "attachment disorder" is the new "blame the parent" bucket.</p><p></p><p>If the child was adopted after some early months of mistreatment, I could understand it (maybe). My sister adopted two children, each had an appalling start in life with abuse and just plain neglect in infancy. Neither has what I would call attachment disorder, although there were certainly problems. The boy was 10 months old and believed to be "retarded" (that was the term back then) because he could barely sit up and was showing no interest in crawling. My sister worked solidly with him and within a week he was crawling. he had never had the chance to learn, he'd been kept in an empty cot all his life.</p><p>A few years later she adopted a 7 month old girl who was just out of her third hospitalisation for malnutrition. The baby would not have a warm bottle; would not be held to have a bottle. She would only feed from a cold bottle, in her cot. That said a lot.</p><p></p><p>Decades later, that girl is now a mother. Her first two kids - no problem. Then her next child had major feeding problems. She took the baby yo hospital and they tried to take the baby away from her, accused her of neglect. It took a lot of sophisticated tests to realise that the baby screaming all the time, apparent malnutrition etc - she had a digestive disorder.</p><p>They were ready for the digestive disorder with the next baby, and the health authorities were much quicker to help and not blame. But the youngest now has a diagnosis of Asperger's on top of it all. Her early behaviour was similar - needed to be jiggled constantly.</p><p></p><p>I have other nephews (two other families) where the child was shown to have big problems feeding, he would scream constantly from birth and couldn't be easily consoled. It was so bad that the mother of one (he was a first child) had her tubes tied when she delivered a second baby a fortnight ago. But this new baby is a easy child and I think she's regretting her decision. However, they have identified an enzyme deficiency in her first son and he is so much better. However, those years of being an inconsolable screamer have taken their toll on him and his parents.</p><p></p><p>I think that story helped my other nephew who was recently diagnosed with the same enzyme deficiency as his second cousin.</p><p></p><p>Babies scream for all sorts of reasons. Usually it's pain. That includes hunger pangs. One thing I've NEVER known, is a baby to cry because he has a wet or dirty nappy. Unless he has nappy rash and his rear is stinging. But a baby with no rash in my experience will not cry because he needs changing. Often a baby who has just soiled his nappy is happier, because he's shifted it all!</p><p></p><p>The trouble is, especially if it's your first, is people tell you to stop fussing. Or they make you feel that you're hopeless as a parent, because you're inexperienced. </p><p>I would also question whether she may have Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form. The need to jiggle is perhaps part of this - a need for the constant and highly specific sensory information.</p><p></p><p>Girls are much harder to diagnosis with Asperger's than boys. They often show more capability in surprising areas, than boys with Asperger's. A GOOD neuropsychologist should find this. I'm a bit concerned that the neuropsychologist examination is not complete, and yet labels are being proposed. It could prejudice the rest of the testing, if there are preconceived ideas.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 347791, member: 1991"] They used to blame autism on the mother - "cold mother" syndrome. So a lot of women went through decades, lifetimes of guilt because they had a child with autism. And we know it was wrong. I'm wondering if "attachment disorder" is the new "blame the parent" bucket. If the child was adopted after some early months of mistreatment, I could understand it (maybe). My sister adopted two children, each had an appalling start in life with abuse and just plain neglect in infancy. Neither has what I would call attachment disorder, although there were certainly problems. The boy was 10 months old and believed to be "retarded" (that was the term back then) because he could barely sit up and was showing no interest in crawling. My sister worked solidly with him and within a week he was crawling. he had never had the chance to learn, he'd been kept in an empty cot all his life. A few years later she adopted a 7 month old girl who was just out of her third hospitalisation for malnutrition. The baby would not have a warm bottle; would not be held to have a bottle. She would only feed from a cold bottle, in her cot. That said a lot. Decades later, that girl is now a mother. Her first two kids - no problem. Then her next child had major feeding problems. She took the baby yo hospital and they tried to take the baby away from her, accused her of neglect. It took a lot of sophisticated tests to realise that the baby screaming all the time, apparent malnutrition etc - she had a digestive disorder. They were ready for the digestive disorder with the next baby, and the health authorities were much quicker to help and not blame. But the youngest now has a diagnosis of Asperger's on top of it all. Her early behaviour was similar - needed to be jiggled constantly. I have other nephews (two other families) where the child was shown to have big problems feeding, he would scream constantly from birth and couldn't be easily consoled. It was so bad that the mother of one (he was a first child) had her tubes tied when she delivered a second baby a fortnight ago. But this new baby is a easy child and I think she's regretting her decision. However, they have identified an enzyme deficiency in her first son and he is so much better. However, those years of being an inconsolable screamer have taken their toll on him and his parents. I think that story helped my other nephew who was recently diagnosed with the same enzyme deficiency as his second cousin. Babies scream for all sorts of reasons. Usually it's pain. That includes hunger pangs. One thing I've NEVER known, is a baby to cry because he has a wet or dirty nappy. Unless he has nappy rash and his rear is stinging. But a baby with no rash in my experience will not cry because he needs changing. Often a baby who has just soiled his nappy is happier, because he's shifted it all! The trouble is, especially if it's your first, is people tell you to stop fussing. Or they make you feel that you're hopeless as a parent, because you're inexperienced. I would also question whether she may have Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form. The need to jiggle is perhaps part of this - a need for the constant and highly specific sensory information. Girls are much harder to diagnosis with Asperger's than boys. They often show more capability in surprising areas, than boys with Asperger's. A GOOD neuropsychologist should find this. I'm a bit concerned that the neuropsychologist examination is not complete, and yet labels are being proposed. It could prejudice the rest of the testing, if there are preconceived ideas. Marg [/QUOTE]
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