Having Issues

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Feb 13, 2011.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I am having major issues with Alex and the disability thing. Major. Not that the boy isn't deserving of it. That part has nothing to do with it.

    Katie messaged me she is expecting to find out from SS if Alex was approved or not tomorrow. This seems awfully fast to me. She said she faxed in the doctor report. So I asked what doctor report?? Well evidently when Alex went to the doctor.......it was for his legs, which are severely turned inward making him pigeon toed to the extreme. But if I understand correctly she got him to say that Alex has global delays and speech issues.

    Say what?? That visit was the first time this doctor ever laid eyes on the boy. And since I know which doctor it was, and he's not a bad doctor but he is in NO way qualified to diagnosis him globally delayed, and I know what his visits are like.......he spends a few mins and is done. I know this doctor didn't do a single thing to assess development. If for no other reason than they don't have those types of assessments there. I know cuz I had to take Travis to Childrens to have it done. (we used to use this practice once upon a time until their billing decided to argue over 5 dollars)

    If they give Alex disability based on a piece of paper by a doctor who's never seen him before I may blow a gasket.

    When we went through the process with Travis we had to have him evaluated by qualified docs. Which meant we went to childrens for the neuro and neuropsychologist evaluations and the MD eye doctor for the vision. We had to jump through all sorts of hoops........and it took months almost a year to hear a word. He was denied supposedly due to income. We discovered later it was because the idiot caseworker but the wrong middle initial on his paperwork. They had to have his life history for pete's sake. Not that I don't understand that, but geez.

    And if they give it to him.........Katie and M will be living off the money. When Katie is the reason he is the way he is. :grrr:

    I keep trying to let it go..........

    I can't. The complete and utter injustice of that just might send me over the edge.

    It isn't helping that she will not stop saying how much she hopes and prays it will go through as it is there only chance of getting an apartment and having a life. omg

    Someone please tell me that is not enough for them to give them a check for Alex to live off of. Wouldn't they at least see that it's odd the parents made no move to do anything for the child until now?? When they're homeless and penniless? I mean c'mon it's obvious what their plans are.

    If Alex is granted disability I am going to have real problems going anywhere near Katie or M, talking to them or anything else.

    Nine, almost 10 yrs you don't do anything for the child, let him do without...........then when you realize your free ride is up you suddenly try to get disability, when it was your physical abuse of the child that did the damage?? ohhhhh yeah. I have issues.

    But you know what? Like easy child said..........in this crazy totally bizarre world........they'll probably get it.

    If they do..........I give up on the world. There is no justice. No sense of right and wrong anymore.:sigh:
  2. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I guess my first reaction is, do you really believe Katie? Not that she didn't request the disability or that the inept doctor was willing to write up such a report .. but... that she expects it to be approved, and so quickly? It sounds like wishful thinking to me, grandiose thinking, even. I can't tell you how many times Oldest used to call me telling me about some wonderful opportunity she has, that never came to fruition. Half the time it never came up again, and if I asked, she brushed it off.

    That said, I understand your frustration. So many people fight hard for disability, most getting denied the first time and many having to hire lawyers to battle the powers that be. It seems unfair that a child whose parents want nothing more than a "free ride" could be approved so easily and with so little documentation.

    But, I'd take the "I'll believe it when I see it" approach.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    The process is still quite complicated. I would guess that she is hoping that it is fast and simple.
    My easy child/difficult child applied for disability five years ago using a computer room with telephone access. He provided information about his brain surgery etc. and "maybe" we were told that we would hear back within a month. He did get a letter very shortly thereafter telling him he was turned down.

    Last week after using a law firm to represent him he had a hearing which included documentation from the brain surgeon, the two rehabilitation facilities, reports from the psychiatrist who has been seeing him for eight years or more (highly respected) and a full neuro/psychiatric report done by an independent expert (we did not pay for that report or choose the Dr.) showing a great problem with short term memory, greatly reduced IQ etc. Within a week he got a letter of rejection.

    I'd be very surprised if anyone gets approved fast. She probably thinks "you'll hear back" is the same as "you will be approved". My advice? Just chill and see what happens. DDD
  4. Mamaof5

    Mamaof5 Guest

    Even in Canada it is automatic rejection first go around. The only time they don't auto-reject is if you are dying. It has taken me a full 2 years to get Wevil's children's severe disability funding. It took me a full 2 years to get her T2201 paperwork filled, signed and sent for the Children's Disability Benefit (CDB). I still don't have rest bit services, I still don't have all of the services she requires. I just now got her genetics doctor and the pedi doctor on board. Her Occupational Therapist (OT) and SPL were easier to get than the rest....

    There is NO way she'd be getting disability for him this fast, not likely..as in .0002 % chance...almost nil. If she does - I'll be sitting next to you with an exploding head and tearing out my hair with you.
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I'm so sorry - BIG ((((HUGS)))) -

    You are only feeling this way because you are SO full of love and so determined to do the right thing....
    It would be nice if real life went that way.

    And even though it usually doesn't - and the nice guys seem to finish last...

    I think you need to keep reminding yourself that

    Katie is a liar.

    She's proven it over and over and over and over. So each time you get upset at something she's telling you - remember, it's likely not true.

    So try and brush this off if you can - wait and see...
  6. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I've never been directly involved with this myself but I have always heard that practically everybody is rejected the first time around. I think this is probably wishful thinking on Katie's part because she's getting desperate.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    My first thought? .......She got a copy of the doctors report and had someone "write in" the verbage she figured she needed to GET disability and sent THAT paperwork in or somehow went to the SSI building and said - "The doctor re-evaluated him and HERE...(hands paper) here is the correct report." -----yes I think she's that stupid.

    It is what it is Hound.....don't let her boil your guts. What goes around comes around.....
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Thanks guys.

    I do have to keep in mind she lies out the wazoo and is as dumb as a box of rocks, not to mention she does as little as humanly possible to meet a goal.......even one that may pay off. Most likely she did exactly what you describe Star and believes that is enough to get her what she wants.

    She wrote me today and supposedly they're on the wait list for the HUD apartments. Not sure I buy that one either. Because that was followed with a longish gripe about how witchy the manager was and how she was picking on them because they're homeless.......... And that is usually a sign she's lying and planning on using that as an excuse of why they didn't get in.
  9. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    I applied for, and recieved, disability last year. I know I was lucky to get it on the first go around, but it does happen.

    But it's not going to happen in this case. For one thing, Katie cannot send the documentation from the doctor ... for the very reasons Star pointed out. They contact the doctor and the doctor sends the documentation directly to Social Security. This is after the applicant has filled out extensive paperwork and had several long phone interviews. There is no way on God's green earth that Katie sending a report from a doctor who is not a specialist in the disability that is being claimed would even be considered.

    I am seeing two top notch specialiss at the Cleveland Clinic. The intake person from SSD told me I would most likely have to see a specialist of their choice for my vision issues and even made an appointment for me. Fortunately, they cancelled it upon recieving the documentation. I'm sure it was because what she sent was convincing and thorough.

    Katie is engaging in magical thinking ... this is very common for our difficult children. She thinks it, therefore it IS.

    Don't waste any more energy on this one. Yes, I understand your fury that Katie and M would exploit their child this way .... but what they will have to go through to make it happen is way more work than landing a job at the local McDonalds.

  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I was told to apply for disability for Cory when he had his surgery back in 1990 by the doctors ad Duke Medical. He got it on the first application but that was a rarity. Cory also is and was very unique...lol. He had extreme physical issues plus the mental health stuff that no one could figure out. I think it didnt hurt his case when he managed to disconnect the computer network in the social security office while we were in for an interview...lol. Hyper little devil! Of course, he had doctors from major medical universities and psychiatric evaluations from respected diagnostic clinics.

    On the other hand, I had so many evaluations, doctors reports, tests, everything you can think of done and it took me from 2002 until 2007 to get my disability.

    I know of a few quack doctors who will write quack reports to get people on disability but I think they are getting fewer and fewer because disability is getting harder and harder to get. I would be completely surprised if social security accepted the word of a pediatrician unless it was a preemie with very severe issues and it was in the nicu. Then there would also be other documentation too.
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Hound -

    This may have to be one of those things that you basket B for yourself and start trying to plan accordingly for your grands. Remember the KEEP A FILE and record her ridiculousness? This would be one of those things to print out and file.

    I'm so sorry this is still going on - Like everyone else? I had hoped too it would not be true and there would be the family you hoped for. Since it is not? Document, document, document - Move forward with either getting the kids or NOT - and do the best you can with your stress levels.

    You DO have that new Grandbaby coming - RIGHT? FOCUS positive energies where they are the most WANTED. Things that can not be changed do not deserve your time.....and energy.

    Things that can be changed? DO.

    Start thinking about what life will be like if you get the grands on a full time basis and have M and K to contend with. Maybe that will seal this deal of yes or no to having the kids live with you or going to foster care.

    Sending you huge hugs for your huge heart.
    Love Star
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I tend to agree with Star here. Honestly, whether they get SSI for the child isnt gonna make a hill of beans one way or another really. It isnt enough for all of them to live on. Im sure Ohio is the same as here and the amount is around 650. Good luck making that stretch to cover 5 people. Even if they get into low income housing, there is still all the other stuff. Housing will make them pay something so there will be some rent plus some utilities. Clothes for everyone, M's computer usage, cable of course, cigs, gas, insurance, etc.
  13. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    650 will barely cover food. What about welfare? WIC? Doesn't she have some "brain disease" where she could qualify for disability as well? It seems like there ARE resources out there, but they just don't bother getting them- even though they're "free". So of course, why would either work, they don't even want services that are free to them, why even work? Those poor kids live such hard and sad lives. They need help, stability and peace. Hugs to you.
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Well her brain disease was fake..........as are these so called seizures she has. (it's pathetic when ER staff roll their eyes and have to turn away to avoid laughing) And oddly enough her "seizures" have gotten her zero attention here and she's not had another one, go figure. The migraines I'm iffy on. If she has them I seriously doubt they're anywhere as often as she claims since she uses them as an excuse to check out of life on a reg basis. And as far as I've ascertained from docs and Katie herself, docs don't believe her over the so called migraines either. Don't ask me how's she's getting medications for them........cuz who the heck knows. I think they give it to her to shut her up. ugh

    Welfare: used up benefits and can only get foodstamps and insurance

    WIC: Evan is now 5 yrs old and no long qualifies Not that she ever bothered to get it for him until she arrived here and I insisted on it.

    As for other services, if it requires effort, they don't bother.

    I'm determined to let this go. If I don't it's going to eat me alive.

    And heck, for all I know the saying she applied for disability and HUD could just be yet another lie. Odds are (when I factor in all her other lies) it most likely is just another lie.

    I mean to apply for disability, which she claims to have done in dayton, she would have walked to the same building the welfare office is in. And I know she never once walked to the welfare office. You can do it online, but you still have to meet with them in person. I know this cuz BFF did it that way. Only part she could to online was the initial paperwork. She's said nothing about meeting with them in person. Heck she's not even mentioned a phone interview with them. Plus when Alex went to doctor.....M had called here, told husband the boy was sick and had to go to doctor and he needed a ride. Unfortunately we were out of gas and no cash to get more. This is the same appoint she's claiming was an evaluation for disability.......the one where they gave the boy all the shots missing from his shot record, which were a LOT of shots.

    Now that I've made myself calm down and think............ Katie didn't start the disability deal until they'd been up in dayton a while. I know dayton had a limited length of stay too. Which is why she called to try to get into the shelter here at xmas........and she had to do some fancy talking to get in because they didn't want to take her. And I know to some degree how Katie thinks. She knows husband are surviving on limited funds. She probably thought that if we believed they would be having an income soon and therefore could afford their own place eventually, that we'd let them stay here. Of course that will never happen, but katie lives in her own dream world.

    So she's probably thinking if she can convince me their stay here would be short and she could help with cash that I wouldn't turn them away. (cuz after all those are my grandkids) Phht. Personally I'm waiting for that exit date for the shelter staff to call cps, if they don't have reason to before. Even if they both miraculously had jobs I wouldn't let them stay here.

    Thanks guys. I needed help getting it back into perspective.
  15. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    On migraines: I had severe migraines for years. I still get them now and then triggered by stress or sinus headaches, but the vast majority of them went away when my dental issues got fixed.