having my own pity party

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Loony Smurf, Sep 28, 2007.

  1. Loony Smurf

    Loony Smurf Member

    it's been a long week:( my youngest 3 have been down with headcold's off and on this week... crabby lot. ear ache's and pink eye and the whole nine yards. and i think my girl's come down with pms well before she's started her cycle. my 12 yr old wants to quit band, hacked my supervisor's password on his computer, didnt come straight home twice this week (like 2 hours late after i said NO on going to a friend's house) then managed to sprain his wrist and strain a muscle in his neck today. and the 14 yr old....totally passive agressive all week. after 3 days i finally put my foot down on doing the dishes...i mean really, all he has to do is rinse them and put them in the dishwasher and start it. he kicked the trash can over when he 'tripped over it' then just plain Dropped a stack of plates. 'they slipped' as if!

    i'm so fed up. i desperately need a vacation, i can feel myself coming apart at the seems. i was awake at 330 thismorning, couldnt sleep. i'm getting more flighty and temperamental and just want to escape. i have nobody to lean on or turn to tho. only family i have here...they've got typical kids. my brother works a mile down the street and i see him every few months. his wife is my closest friend, she calls and talks about Her kids then has to go. they dont come over, my kids drive them nuts. then there's hubby....who just told me in november he's going to change jobs. hopefully out of the country. we see him one night a week usually, and he isnt much help. he thinks i should just come down on them harder and it'll fix them.

    so i'm just feeling alone against the world right now with more than i can take on my plate. even my online friends avoid me now...apparently i'm not the same as i used to be.

    since i cant drink...guess i'll have a good cry. again. and pray i make it through tomorrow ok.

    ok i'm done for now
  2. morningcuppa

    morningcuppa New Member

    So sorry for you.
    Its hard if you do not have a supportive network. Heck its hard enough if you do!
    This place has helped me so much so its ok to rant as much as you like as I have discovered many of us have shared experiences.

    You sound like you might need another interest outside your home and this might give you a chance to find some friendship. Are ther any clubs or classes you might be able to join. If hubby is not much help maybe you could go out on the night he is home and see how he deals with the kids. That might make him more supportive and it would give you a break!

    I hope you feel better soon.
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    It sounds like you've had an incredibly rough week. I'm so sorry. Having no support makes it all doubly hard. I hope you can find a way to at least get away for an hour or two. You deserve it and you need it!

  4. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    Lonny ...

    What do you do just for you? How do you take care of YOU?

    With 5 kids ... an absent hubby ... and a poor support system I'm sure it's very difficult.

    But, I would encourage you to find things that you love and do them just for you once in a while.

    Remember "If mama ain't' happy ... nobody's happy"
  5. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Sometimes a good cry helps release frustration.

    I'm in awe of anyone that can manage 5 kids, so my hats off too you.

    It's rare, but it does happen that I take a "Sheila" day. That means leaving difficult child's care in the hands of husband and getting out of the house to do something different -- just anything hair, nails, shopping. One could even grab a book and go sit in a park. Batteries must be recharged.

    Hope today is a better day for you.
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Seriously, hire someone to watch them. Bring them to a center that offers babysitting. Put them all in a sport on the same day and run off to be by yourself.

    If DHs work is that important then he must be making good enough money that you can pay for some of these extra activities. If not, then he needs to be home more. Period. This is not good for your family. It may have worked before, but it is not working now.

  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Loony, I am so sorry. I cannot believe you are home with-5 kids and your husband is never home. Here I am, complaining about 2 kids ... Your husband definitely needs to be home more. Anyone would have a hard time with-that many kids, but I see in your signature that you're bipolar, which is like rubbing salt into a wound. It is totally unreasonable that you have so much on your plate.
    You've gotten some good ideas here. I hope you can work something out. It helps to have a plan, even if you can't put it into place for a few days or wks. When I'm feeling trapped, a plan helps me keep my sanity.
    Please talk to your husband.
  8. Loony Smurf

    Loony Smurf Member

    OK so for those of you who think i should make hubby be more 'here and help' unfortunately he has it in his mind that his work is more important. he gives me an allowance to run the house on and the rest goes to investments and stuff. he doesnt like being home. the only reason i'm still with him is because the little bit of support he gives that one day a week is almost all the support i have. when we were separated he hardly bothered to see the kids, and never more than a couple hours a month. Plus when i'm not with him he refuses to pay as much simply to punish me. he gives more than court would order for child support, but you all know that with these kids what normal kids require isnt enough.

    as far as me going out... i'm trying to work on that. it's really hard, i do have social phobia too. i really dont know where to meet people or what to do when i do meet them. and i cant when hubby's around because he has a fit if i leave him with the kids. he really cant control them, he sits in his chair and mostly ignores them. so while my baby's at preschool i have time...just not the courage LOL

    oh and sheila LOL...i never said i manage them very well. i'm barely getting by by the skin of my teeth:p unless by managing you mean keeping them all alive..i've managed that lol
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Social phobia is so hard. I had it horribly when I was on effexor. I hope you can find a way to cope with it soon.

    Do you like to knit? Stores who specialize in knitting supplies often have classes to teach beginners and old-timers. They also often have "open " times where you can come in and knit witho others and chat.

    I scross stitch, and my fav store has gone to mostly knitting. they have a lot of people who meet there and have low pressure times to work on things.


    Hopeit gets better. Tell husband that you want a bigger allowance, some $$ just for you. Make it worth his while - either he watches kids or pays you more. maybbe that would work?
  10. Jessica mom of 2

    Jessica mom of 2 New Member

    Oh Looney!

    I think you are the perfect candidate for the very next "Nanny Show" I think the Nanny needs to get ahold of that husband of yours as well! She would whip him in the bud for sure! She doesn't like it when husbands aren't supportive to there wives! I have contacted "the nanny" once before via interent and never heard back from them. I was at my wits end and needed help desperately. I also contacted Dr. Phil and I was let down that I recieved no response from either one. I felt like the world was closing in on me and my kids were seeing me in crisis mode. I didn't like that and I figured that since no one responded that I had to pick myself up with no help at all. I have support but they don't understand either because they don't go through what I go through daily. (Thanks to this group, you give me the power to say I can do it! and by saying my prayers to him I believe in)

    I hope you are able to take some time out for yourself! Most of all that your husband would wake up and realize what a wonderful wife he has! I know it means a great deal to be appreciated and that is hard to get sometime. I applaud you for doing what you do everyday!