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<blockquote data-quote="dandelion" data-source="post: 764368" data-attributes="member: 30736"><p>Hi, Beta. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. </p><p></p><p>As someone who has been estranged/mostly no contact with my 22 year old son for over four years now, I can say that the grief is always present. In the beginning, it was all I could feel or see or think about. The four years prior to my son turning 18 were hell in our home, and he wouldn’t accept help. His criminal and violent behavior escalated quickly during this time. The only way I have of contacting my son now is via Instagram, and he doesn’t always respond.</p><p></p><p>What has helped me be able to keep going is making my life bigger than it was when I was playing ‘detective’ and being on call for whatever crisis my son was in (often arrested for robbery) during his teen years. It took a few years for me to get my adrenaline levels and nervous system under control. I already had CPTSD from childhood and this experience made it so much worse. </p><p></p><p>Some tools that have been helpful have been somatic/polyvagal therapy, having a therapist who understands trauma and personality disorders, finding ways to get back into my body instead of my lizard brain (swimming, restorative yoga), and 12-step groups for codependency. </p><p></p><p>By learning to take care of yourself, the grief may be lighter to carry over time. I hope this will be true for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dandelion, post: 764368, member: 30736"] Hi, Beta. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. As someone who has been estranged/mostly no contact with my 22 year old son for over four years now, I can say that the grief is always present. In the beginning, it was all I could feel or see or think about. The four years prior to my son turning 18 were hell in our home, and he wouldn’t accept help. His criminal and violent behavior escalated quickly during this time. The only way I have of contacting my son now is via Instagram, and he doesn’t always respond. What has helped me be able to keep going is making my life bigger than it was when I was playing ‘detective’ and being on call for whatever crisis my son was in (often arrested for robbery) during his teen years. It took a few years for me to get my adrenaline levels and nervous system under control. I already had CPTSD from childhood and this experience made it so much worse. Some tools that have been helpful have been somatic/polyvagal therapy, having a therapist who understands trauma and personality disorders, finding ways to get back into my body instead of my lizard brain (swimming, restorative yoga), and 12-step groups for codependency. By learning to take care of yourself, the grief may be lighter to carry over time. I hope this will be true for you. [/QUOTE]
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