He couldn't wait---major crisis

[mog]

difficult child is gone!! When we had the traige meeting on Tuesday (as you remember) difficult child had not violated his probation so they did not feel that he should go to detention. They decided that they would try a foster family so they started the paper work. We got the approval from medicaid on Wedneday and they started looking for a place for him. Thursday morning he didn't get up for school again and I had a job interview so i left and difficult child asked husband to take him around 10:15. I text him and told him that he had to come straight hom because he had a post op appoint with Dr XXX would did surgery on his nose. (Great Job by the way)so he text back no problem. When he got home he sadi he wasn't feeling well to his stomach but we got the in car to leave for appointment. He demands that we go by his friends house first to pick up an Ipod he had (borrowed) from a friend. I told him that we didn't have time and he said great so im stuck listening to this F-n hilbilly music. husband got agitated with attitude which didn't help so I turned off the radio and we agreed that no body would listen to anything then which really pisted off husband. So quietly we go to appointment. We agree to drop him of at the gym for "kick boxing" and gave him money to give to his ride for gas. He left happy. I come home and have a great conversation with my mom nearly 2 hours(we haven't been able to very often since my sister moved mext door). I picked up my cell and text both easy child and difficult child simply (I Love You) I start watching the season priemere of my fav. show and they text difficult child thanks for finding a ride so I could be with my boys. Supernatural is my fav. show and for those who dont know it is about two brothers that fight evil in the world. Actual demons VS angel kind of thing. So he texts me back no problem. now you know why I got a ride and I love you too. Then my friend calls and needs to talk cause she has been going through a rough time and im on the phone with her for at least 40 min. when I get a call from a guy at our church and he tells me that difficult child had called an church member and told him that he had a huge fight , that i was drunk and I kicked him out of the house and he had no where to go. I jumped up and told him thanks for calling i'll go down to the church and pick him up because what he was saying was not true. I get to church and he is not there. I turned off the ringer on my phone while in the church and when I come out there is a message from him -happy saying ok mom we are on the way. I walk the whole church area , go into the adoration chapel then drive around the entire area and can't find him. we wont answer his phone or text messages. Church member calls me back to see if I have him and I tell him no so he tries to call and text and difficult child will not answer him either so I go home. Call MST and text her. Stay up all night calling him texting him and watching every car that goes by thinking that maybe he will sneak back in when he thinks we are asleep. husband goes to bed but I am up all night. At 6:30 I go back down to the church and talk to the gentlemen cleaning to see if they have seen him -no-and go by the gym and nothing there. I come home driving down every back road that difficult child walks when he is going to friends and nothing. I called the school to see if we was there-no. MST calls around 730 and says that she got a wierd phone call that morning around 230 just calling her names and she thought it might be difficult child but she said it was out of character for him especially since he wasn't mad at her this week. So I finally call the police to report him as a run away. Around 11 husband gets a call from JPO office stating that difficult child had called there this morning and gave his version of the story that I had thrown him out. They said they have a family ready to take him and they will call back. mst and I talk and text all day to see whats going on. Then at 545 difficult child calls and says that we need to go pick him up and take him to a shelter until he goes to foster home or cyfd will take him into custody. I ask him what is going on and he tells me you know. I tell him I don't understand since that last text was love you and the message was on the way home but he wont answer. So I pack him a bag, pick him up and take him to the shelterI had cried so much my eyes hurt, my throat was scratchy, head hurt, stomach ache just totally exhausted. WE are there signing him in and the person doing intake asks me is this just a cooling off period and I said I dont know. difficult child tells her no im not mad or out of control. I just need to stay here until the put me in with my new family. I cry threw the whole thing. She asked if I needed a tylenol or something and gives me water and tissues. difficult child is making jokes with her. WE finish the paperwork and she gives us a tour. She says ok say your goodbyes. I go the hug him and he barely lets me and I tell him I LOVE yu and he says me too. ???????? tells husband later and walks away. husband drives us home as I call easy child to tell her I'm okay cause she had tried to call earlier but husband answered and had told her what was going on. She says I"m sorry mom. Talk to my mom to let her know that i'm ok. talk to mst and said im okay but i really am NOT. I laid down last night to say my prayers and I couldn't I just said one prayer and then asked for him to help difficult child and cried myself to sleep. I slept in - crying as i write this and waiting for the police to come and take report that difficult child is no longer a runaway and in shelter I don't know what to think or do. He has to call us we can't call him. so now i guess i just wait to see if he calls and what monday will bring!

 

[Lori4ever]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I do understand, mine did the very same thing. Eventually they figure out what they've done, but by then, the damage is already done. Again, I am so so sorry. I know how hard this is.

 

[susiestar]

I am so sorry. I know how hard it is. I had to take my difficult child's things to the youth shelter once. He loved it there and made every effort to tell me it was soooo much better than home.

This just may be what saves him. Mine realized pretty quick that it was NOT better away from home. We have salvaged our relationship. Given enough time and some maturity on your difficult children part and you may also.

Give yourself time and space to grieve. Set aside 30 mins to an hour to cry every day or every so many days. (I would start in a few days, not today!) The rest of the time focus on the rest of the family and other parts of your life. Pick up an old hobby or start a new one. Find a home improvement project, whatever. Do something to keep your mind and heart busy. It will help you work through the grief.

Many hugs.

Susie

 

[DammitJanet]

Im so sorry. Like the others have said, he will eventually learn that there is no place that or no one that will truly love him like you do. Meanwhile you just find something else to occupy your mind so you dont worry too awfully much. He will be fine. These kids seem to always land on their feet.

 

[everywoman]

As hard as it is, it is now time for you to completely detach. He needs to learn that his actions bring about consequences that he has to face alone. That is not easy to do. It is hard to watch your child struggle because of the bad choices he has made, but as a parent if you continue to run to his rescue when he makes these choices, you will be doing it again and again, and each time he will be unappreciative and hurt you again. Take back control of your life. Allow him to step up and control his. He will call soon--he will apologize, he will want you to fix this mess he has made. He will cry, he will beg, he will get angry and call you horrible names and say nasty things. Hold firm. Somewhere on the board is a list of responses you can memorize and use at that time. You need to get out of bed and pick up the pieces of your life. You need to lead by example. No one else is responsible for our happiness. Show him that his actions will not affect the joy you have in living your life to the fullest.