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He Did It Again
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<blockquote data-quote="Shari" data-source="post: 162120" data-attributes="member: 1848"><p>BBBlue,</p><p>I don't think anyone is saying you're grieving in front of your son or its a bad thing. I think they are suggesting that your choices right now (as in living with boyfriend who doesn't sound like the kinda guy you really want and need) might be somewhat skewed by the fact that you haven't gotten over your difficult child's father's death, which is entirely understandable. When something that major and traumatic happens to you, it has a major impact on your WHOLE life...your thoughts, feelings, choices, emotions....everything is impacted. No one is telling you to move forward for difficult child's sake, I think, instead, they're suggesting you get in a position that you can move forward with life. Period. Even if you don't actively grieve in front of difficult child, they're are suggesting that your choices and actions may be impacted by unresolved grief, and that is affecting your difficult child. </p><p>***</p><p>It appears from what you post that your boyfriend is dragging you down, and unless you want to be living this same life in 5 years/10 years however long, YOU are the one that needs to do something so difficult child AND YOU will have a better life in the future.</p><p>***</p><p>My DEX was much like your boyfriend. I could have lived with him forever. Frankly, I loved him. I still care for him and worry about his health and future. But he is not a husband or father. And I didn't want my son raised thinking that was the kinda person a husband and father was; I didn't want to watch my son, in the future, treat his wife and kids the way DEX did. Yeah, sure, he didn't beat anybody, but he slept 16 hours a day, only getting up to go to work SOMETIMES. He NEVER helped with ANYTHING around the house and didn't contribute to the family budget - I paid for everything if I wanted it paid (including rent and utilities). I deserved better. difficult child deserved a better role model (and NONE is better than that). And YOU, my dear, deserve better, too.</p><p>***</p><p>Sending many gentle hugs. Loss is so hard. Heck, there's even days for me during that first year that even just driving was hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Shari, post: 162120, member: 1848"] BBBlue, I don't think anyone is saying you're grieving in front of your son or its a bad thing. I think they are suggesting that your choices right now (as in living with boyfriend who doesn't sound like the kinda guy you really want and need) might be somewhat skewed by the fact that you haven't gotten over your difficult child's father's death, which is entirely understandable. When something that major and traumatic happens to you, it has a major impact on your WHOLE life...your thoughts, feelings, choices, emotions....everything is impacted. No one is telling you to move forward for difficult child's sake, I think, instead, they're suggesting you get in a position that you can move forward with life. Period. Even if you don't actively grieve in front of difficult child, they're are suggesting that your choices and actions may be impacted by unresolved grief, and that is affecting your difficult child. *** It appears from what you post that your boyfriend is dragging you down, and unless you want to be living this same life in 5 years/10 years however long, YOU are the one that needs to do something so difficult child AND YOU will have a better life in the future. *** My DEX was much like your boyfriend. I could have lived with him forever. Frankly, I loved him. I still care for him and worry about his health and future. But he is not a husband or father. And I didn't want my son raised thinking that was the kinda person a husband and father was; I didn't want to watch my son, in the future, treat his wife and kids the way DEX did. Yeah, sure, he didn't beat anybody, but he slept 16 hours a day, only getting up to go to work SOMETIMES. He NEVER helped with ANYTHING around the house and didn't contribute to the family budget - I paid for everything if I wanted it paid (including rent and utilities). I deserved better. difficult child deserved a better role model (and NONE is better than that). And YOU, my dear, deserve better, too. *** Sending many gentle hugs. Loss is so hard. Heck, there's even days for me during that first year that even just driving was hard. [/QUOTE]
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