Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
He Doesn't Have a Clue...
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="WSM" data-source="post: 298251" data-attributes="member: 5169"><p>Ok, I did it. </p><p> </p><p>Took him in the car and took a detour on the way to get a new tire. Started out with "Do you have anything to say about last night?" </p><p> </p><p>No, he didn't. He didn't see anything wrong with what he did, no harm was done. My kids asked to play with him. He wasn't being sneaky, he just wanted to let difficult child out of his room and knew if I was around I'd not like it. No, he had no idea that I'd be upset difficult child was with my kids. He must not have heard that part yesterday afternoon he said. </p><p> </p><p>So I told him. I said the CPS lady had said that difficult child was going to take people down with him. ANd I found it an unacceptable risk; he could risk himself, he and CPS could decide whether he risked stepdaughter, but **I** decide what level of risk I was going to expose my kids to, and this was too high. I reminded husband he'd promised to protect us from difficult child and he didn't. husband said he was protecting us.</p><p> </p><p>I told him not good enough, he was sneaky and a liar and had behaved out of spite last night. And that I intended to call CPS and ask if they would support me in a petition to have difficult child removed from the home, and since that I would also petition the court to have his wage garnished for half the mortgage. </p><p> </p><p>"You can't do that unless you file for divorce." husband said. "Precisely. I intend to file. Now you tell me why I shouldn't?"</p><p> </p><p>And I laid it out, no one knows exactly how a judge would rule but if CPS recommends tgfg leaves our house because he's a danger to the other children, it was unlikely that difficult child would be put into the same house as him and stepdaughter. It seemed reasonable that either step daughter or difficult child would be in a foster home. And I said my lawyer had told me that it was reasonable to expect half the mortgage garnishment. </p><p></p><p>husband said he'd just quit his job. Fine, I'll garnish social security (the kids get it for their mother's disability about $940 a month, his half of mortgage is $1440). He was indignant. "You would do something like that, that's the kind of a person you are taking money from children."</p><p> </p><p>(LOL, and he's the kind of person who'd quit his job so he doesn't have to pay a court order, that's the type of person he is. But he won't quit his job, he still has to support himself and two kids, and even if he goes to work for his brother, I can still garnish there...or the soc sec).</p><p> </p><p>"So is this what you want?"</p><p> </p><p>"No."</p><p> </p><p>There was a lot of silence and anger. He stared out the window. Finally he volunteered that he'd keep difficult child away from my kids. I asked him why, and he was snarky, "To make you happy. We have to do everything your way, I'm under threat."</p><p> </p><p>When I mentioned that he often complained that everyone thought he was a bad parent, he denied it, he said he only said it because he sometimes gets discouraged. The CPS lady didn't think he was a bad parent, just me and his mother. Well, there's more than that, but I just said, so you just say that out of self pity. He agreed he did.</p><p> </p><p>We drove about a half hour, mostly in silence. I told him this was pretty much the last chance he had to fix the marriage. He was just silent or angry and accusing. Finally I said, "Do you have anything to offer here?"</p><p> </p><p>And he didn't. So we got the tire fixed. While we were waiting he said, "So are you going to kick out me, difficult child and stepdaughter." I told him I wasn't discussing anything in public and I'd given him a chance to say what he had to say before we got oout of the car."</p><p> </p><p>He was a bit friendlier on the way back, wanted to know what would make me happy. I said I didn't want much. A partner, someone who didn't lie and play games, who didn't throw me under the bus. Someone who wanted to stand by my side at family gatherings instead of separating me out to please his mummy and brother. Someone I could trust. This wasn't that hard.</p><p> </p><p>He wanted to argue he'd promised to stop talking badly about me to his family. Yes, he did promise that, about 2 weeks ago. He said he'd told me that he wanted me at family gatherings, but didn't think it was workable the problems with his family were so severe. Well, I wanted to be there, he wanted to be there, everyone was pleasant and civil, what was the problem--oh, his mother didn't want me there. But what did she matter, her problem. </p><p> </p><p>He said it wasn't a problem, I was making it into one. I pointed out last night, not 24 hours ago, he'd blasted me because he couldn't ever see his family without me supervising him (not true, he can see any of them individually, but if other family members are included, I'm family and I'm to be included too, not compelled to go, just invited), but he was angry last night that I had to be there too. And yet today, it was 'oh, no big deal, of course I want you with me.'</p><p> </p><p>Lots of silence, with him trying to argue about how bad I am, or controlling or whatever name calling he wanted, and finally I said, "This is pointless" and turned up the radio.</p><p> </p><p>He's been real nice to me since we got home. </p><p> </p><p>No go.</p><p> </p><p>Tomorrow when he goes to work I'll start making phone calls.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WSM, post: 298251, member: 5169"] Ok, I did it. Took him in the car and took a detour on the way to get a new tire. Started out with "Do you have anything to say about last night?" No, he didn't. He didn't see anything wrong with what he did, no harm was done. My kids asked to play with him. He wasn't being sneaky, he just wanted to let difficult child out of his room and knew if I was around I'd not like it. No, he had no idea that I'd be upset difficult child was with my kids. He must not have heard that part yesterday afternoon he said. So I told him. I said the CPS lady had said that difficult child was going to take people down with him. ANd I found it an unacceptable risk; he could risk himself, he and CPS could decide whether he risked stepdaughter, but **I** decide what level of risk I was going to expose my kids to, and this was too high. I reminded husband he'd promised to protect us from difficult child and he didn't. husband said he was protecting us. I told him not good enough, he was sneaky and a liar and had behaved out of spite last night. And that I intended to call CPS and ask if they would support me in a petition to have difficult child removed from the home, and since that I would also petition the court to have his wage garnished for half the mortgage. "You can't do that unless you file for divorce." husband said. "Precisely. I intend to file. Now you tell me why I shouldn't?" And I laid it out, no one knows exactly how a judge would rule but if CPS recommends tgfg leaves our house because he's a danger to the other children, it was unlikely that difficult child would be put into the same house as him and stepdaughter. It seemed reasonable that either step daughter or difficult child would be in a foster home. And I said my lawyer had told me that it was reasonable to expect half the mortgage garnishment. husband said he'd just quit his job. Fine, I'll garnish social security (the kids get it for their mother's disability about $940 a month, his half of mortgage is $1440). He was indignant. "You would do something like that, that's the kind of a person you are taking money from children." (LOL, and he's the kind of person who'd quit his job so he doesn't have to pay a court order, that's the type of person he is. But he won't quit his job, he still has to support himself and two kids, and even if he goes to work for his brother, I can still garnish there...or the soc sec). "So is this what you want?" "No." There was a lot of silence and anger. He stared out the window. Finally he volunteered that he'd keep difficult child away from my kids. I asked him why, and he was snarky, "To make you happy. We have to do everything your way, I'm under threat." When I mentioned that he often complained that everyone thought he was a bad parent, he denied it, he said he only said it because he sometimes gets discouraged. The CPS lady didn't think he was a bad parent, just me and his mother. Well, there's more than that, but I just said, so you just say that out of self pity. He agreed he did. We drove about a half hour, mostly in silence. I told him this was pretty much the last chance he had to fix the marriage. He was just silent or angry and accusing. Finally I said, "Do you have anything to offer here?" And he didn't. So we got the tire fixed. While we were waiting he said, "So are you going to kick out me, difficult child and stepdaughter." I told him I wasn't discussing anything in public and I'd given him a chance to say what he had to say before we got oout of the car." He was a bit friendlier on the way back, wanted to know what would make me happy. I said I didn't want much. A partner, someone who didn't lie and play games, who didn't throw me under the bus. Someone who wanted to stand by my side at family gatherings instead of separating me out to please his mummy and brother. Someone I could trust. This wasn't that hard. He wanted to argue he'd promised to stop talking badly about me to his family. Yes, he did promise that, about 2 weeks ago. He said he'd told me that he wanted me at family gatherings, but didn't think it was workable the problems with his family were so severe. Well, I wanted to be there, he wanted to be there, everyone was pleasant and civil, what was the problem--oh, his mother didn't want me there. But what did she matter, her problem. He said it wasn't a problem, I was making it into one. I pointed out last night, not 24 hours ago, he'd blasted me because he couldn't ever see his family without me supervising him (not true, he can see any of them individually, but if other family members are included, I'm family and I'm to be included too, not compelled to go, just invited), but he was angry last night that I had to be there too. And yet today, it was 'oh, no big deal, of course I want you with me.' Lots of silence, with him trying to argue about how bad I am, or controlling or whatever name calling he wanted, and finally I said, "This is pointless" and turned up the radio. He's been real nice to me since we got home. No go. Tomorrow when he goes to work I'll start making phone calls. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
He Doesn't Have a Clue...
Top