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He is not well.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 667217" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Thank you Cedar. For your wisdom and care. You have spoken to my situation, too, and how it has felt to be the mother to my own son.Yes.</p><p>Yes. My son is getting to the point where he can understand why we cannot communicate about <em>the things he fears</em>. But we can speak about his fear. He is seeing that I am unable to feel the intensity of his fear...because while I accept his fear as real...I do not see the things he is fearing as reasonable...and even if they were...I feel it is the human condition to not know what and will and when it will happen to us. And I understand to understand we we cannot control any of it, is a process.</p><p></p><p>I am seeing that he is in a process of getting to know that the anxiety came first...and maybe the fear...<em>before the content, the thing he fears. I hope he will come to see that the ideas, the conspiracies are just vehicles to carry his anxieties, his feelings, possibly delusions</em>...and it is these that make him more anxious and more fearful. Like a virtuous circle, I think it is called.</p><p></p><p>We are enough in dialog where he is able, I think, to begin to think about the psychological phenomena he experiences as well as the cataclysmic events that he is fearing. This has not begun, but the intensity of our talking is less loaded. We are less blocked by misunderstanding.</p><p></p><p>And he does not reject me as much and as quickly...as I have become neutral and calm...he finds me more tolerable and opens up more...and allows me to see more of his fear....rather than his dogma. But his fear scares me, too. The intensity of it, to me, feels intolerable after a few minutes.</p><p>Yes. This is so. They want us to be with them in their fear. Not to do reality testing for them. Not to diagnose or seek remedy. They want us with them in their fear. To be with them. To not be alone with it. They want Mama to be with them. Like before. To tell them they are alright. Will be alright. We are together. It is OK. It will be OK. It is only fear...It will be alright. I think my son wants this and rejects it.</p><p></p><p>It is very, very hard for me. I can do it for a few minutes. I have to end the calls.</p><p>Yes and No. The illness is the illness. Sometimes they can find a way to answer it. Themselves.</p><p>Yes. Even for the few minutes I can be with him in that center, seems to mean something. I cannot tolerate it for very long. I feel guilty and afraid to say this, to see this.</p><p>Yes. I think I got here. And he can be with me in this place. But I cannot minimize his fear. I cannot minimize his belief in what he fears. I can just state my own truth.</p><p></p><p>I think where I am with this is here: They want us to be with them because they are afraid. They do not want us to try to understand what is wrong in psychological terms. They do not want our opinions or our knowledge. They are not interested in our ideas about resolution or treatment. They just want us with them. When they feel we are there, they stop rejecting us, and disparaging us and hating us. We are no longer repulsive.</p><p></p><p>My son seeks me out, I think, as a safe place. Now. I feel bad that I can only be that for him for a few minutes. Because where he is scares me.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 667217, member: 18958"] Thank you Cedar. For your wisdom and care. You have spoken to my situation, too, and how it has felt to be the mother to my own son.Yes. Yes. My son is getting to the point where he can understand why we cannot communicate about [I]the things he fears[/I]. But we can speak about his fear. He is seeing that I am unable to feel the intensity of his fear...because while I accept his fear as real...I do not see the things he is fearing as reasonable...and even if they were...I feel it is the human condition to not know what and will and when it will happen to us. And I understand to understand we we cannot control any of it, is a process. I am seeing that he is in a process of getting to know that the anxiety came first...and maybe the fear...[I]before the content, the thing he fears. I hope he will come to see that the ideas, the conspiracies are just vehicles to carry his anxieties, his feelings, possibly delusions[/I]...and it is these that make him more anxious and more fearful. Like a virtuous circle, I think it is called. We are enough in dialog where he is able, I think, to begin to think about the psychological phenomena he experiences as well as the cataclysmic events that he is fearing. This has not begun, but the intensity of our talking is less loaded. We are less blocked by misunderstanding. And he does not reject me as much and as quickly...as I have become neutral and calm...he finds me more tolerable and opens up more...and allows me to see more of his fear....rather than his dogma. But his fear scares me, too. The intensity of it, to me, feels intolerable after a few minutes. Yes. This is so. They want us to be with them in their fear. Not to do reality testing for them. Not to diagnose or seek remedy. They want us with them in their fear. To be with them. To not be alone with it. They want Mama to be with them. Like before. To tell them they are alright. Will be alright. We are together. It is OK. It will be OK. It is only fear...It will be alright. I think my son wants this and rejects it. It is very, very hard for me. I can do it for a few minutes. I have to end the calls. Yes and No. The illness is the illness. Sometimes they can find a way to answer it. Themselves. Yes. Even for the few minutes I can be with him in that center, seems to mean something. I cannot tolerate it for very long. I feel guilty and afraid to say this, to see this. Yes. I think I got here. And he can be with me in this place. But I cannot minimize his fear. I cannot minimize his belief in what he fears. I can just state my own truth. I think where I am with this is here: They want us to be with them because they are afraid. They do not want us to try to understand what is wrong in psychological terms. They do not want our opinions or our knowledge. They are not interested in our ideas about resolution or treatment. They just want us with them. When they feel we are there, they stop rejecting us, and disparaging us and hating us. We are no longer repulsive. My son seeks me out, I think, as a safe place. Now. I feel bad that I can only be that for him for a few minutes. Because where he is scares me. [/QUOTE]
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