He is planning to RUN!

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
I have no idea where you live.

It sounds like a horrible state for kids in trouble. I know I mentioned this before, and forgot why you said you couldn't do it, but if it were me nothing could keep me in that state. Nothing. I would research states that allowed kids to decide custody at an early age and got there...and make sure it was far away. If necessary, I'd go to a domestic abuse shelter so t hey could help me find a place to live and a job, but I would not let my child go with that man. It is much harder for him to go after you if you are in another state with other laws. Sixteen before he can decide? CPS won't do anything? Here the age is twelve. I've never hard of a state that made a child wait until age sixteen.

Again, I know you said you couldn't do it. I don't see any other option. Otherwise, somebody is going to get hurt. Badly. And I don't want it to be your little boy. Or you. He sounds extremely dangerous and good at hiding it from other people. But your son knows. It is ruining his life.

I would make sure ex didn't know where I went to when I left. I won't say it ever again, but felt it was worth repeating. otherwise, it seems hopeless.
 

Steely

Active Member
I just saw this and I feel sick.....
What does he mean by he will be in an extreme situation on this visitation?
I agree with MWM there would be nothing that would cause me to not go into hiding with my son if I were in your situation....I don't even know what to say. I am just beyond words that this could be happening when all of those people called cps. You had 4 different people call cps, right?
I don't know - I want to sound more supportive - but I feel like a big grizzly mama bear right now. I would be taking my cubs and running them far far away from this danger.
I know that you said you had a personal reason as for not moving - but sometimes we mishear our mission in life. I have done this many, many times. I felt very lead to stay with X for 7 years, because somehow 'something' was going to happen - it never did. I finally came to my own personal senses and left....and in that I found an even deeper more profound mission and wisdom.
 
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Liahona

Guest
I am working on trying to move. I have the tentative date of June. The first step is husband getting a second job so we can save up the money. (That would be another long post in itself.) I'm just so scared that it might not happen. Scared if it does happen. Just plain scared all a round. We stayed here so long because difficult child 1 does have a better chance of surviving short frequent visits than the long visits in the summer. If I ran he would find me. Then it would be worse.

The extreme situation I was referring to is no phone, no neighbors, no electricity, no cell phone coverage, no running water, lots of exposure to the elements. I go to pick difficult child 1 up from visitation in a few min. I'll post about how he is doing.

DV shelter said to encourage him to follow the court order. That cps will look at him as the problem if he runs.

psychiatrist is going to call me tomorrow afternoon. The nurse called back, but didn't know the answer to my question.

The court appointed third part that facilitates the visitation said to write a note to X explaining that difficult child 1 is scared. Then X would modify his plans.

My own mother is trying to tell me that I'm influencing difficult child 1. That he is picking up on my fears. His story of why he is scared this time is very much like a story I told her of something that happened when I was married to X. They are the same because its the same person who abused both of us. I do not tell difficult child 1 any details of the marriage between X and I; even when difficult child 1 has asked.

She just can't stand the pain of watching this and is trying to bury her head in the sand.

This is very painful to watch.

Thank-you all for helping me carry this burden.
 

keista

New Member
It's very painful to read, so I can't begin to imagine how it is to live with this.

Prayers and strong positive thoughts continually going out to you.
 

buddy

New Member
OH wow, that is extreme. That's how he normally lives. That is hard for anyone, much less a difficult child who is scared of the guy. you have been through so much. It is clear you are working hard on this. yes! please do let us know he is okay... Huge hugs from all of his cyber family. For you too! (husband sounds like a good egg)

oh yeah, I'm sorry your mom said that . True our kids pick up our anxieties etc. But to have details, he would have to know that himself from what you said. bottom line...if he feels it is important no matter where she thinks it comes from.
 
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Liahona

Guest
He is home. I went to pick him up. I guess the drop-off people tried to talk to X about difficult child 1's anxieties. They ran into a brick wall. The bottom line is X doesn't care if difficult child 1 is scared. X gets pleasure from hurting people. He gets this really weird pleased expression on his face right after he has said something that he thinks will hurt you. These people aren't getting anywhere trying to talk about it. difficult child 1 was upset that they talked to X but X didn't budge on anything. He was crying about it. He was also switching between crying and very happy, hyper, silly. A fake happy.

He is getting upset over small things the other kids do. I'm snapping at small things.
 

buddy

New Member
you guys are really stressed. of course you are gonna snap a little...you are human. I'm glad he is home and safe. I hope your calls get answered with helpful words tomorrow. Keep posting...
 

JJJ

Active Member
((hugs))

I'd be checking the cut off age for when a child is allowed to decide whether or not they wish to visit the non custodial parent. I know most states it's 12, but a judge may be willing to listen to difficult child at age 11, since he's so close to legal age.

In ALL states, it is 18. Children, nor their parents, get to ignore a court order. In some states, if there is already a change of circumstances that allows for a custody modification to be discussed, then the child's opinion may be considered one of the factors when deciding on custody.
 

JJJ

Active Member
Liahona, Do you have permission from the courts to move? I'd hate to see dad object to the move and win custody of difficult child 1.
 
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Liahona

Guest
In this state I don't need his permission, but I might be paying all transportation costs. There is a slim chance that he will be paying transportation costs since he is refusing to pay something else. He is also planning on moving and changing the visitation schedule first. I just don't know when exactly.

No, he isn't moving to a less extreme setting.

All angles have been very carefully considered. I spent most of today re-reading the code for our state.

He'll still probably find someway to throw us for a loop.
 

exhausted

Active Member
This is so scary. I have no advise. I don't understand how they let him have visitation when he basically "camps" and doesn't have sanitation (no running water). How is he even allowed to see his boy in that situation? With his history, why not supporvised visits at some fascility? This state does not care about our kids! It's backward and has its head in the sand. A big hug to you and prayers that this will come out right.
 
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