He is there....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by toughlovin, Oct 4, 2011.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hi all,

    Well my son was discharged from the hospital up here... an awful place really. I picked him up and drove him to the airport and sent him off to this other rehab. He seemed ok when he left, this was his decision which was all good. So I waited last night to hear that he got there ok. He knew going in that he would not be able to have his cell phone but he could have his music.

    So he called last night. What I was hoping for was a phone call that would set my mind at ease. Instead he called becuase they took his ipod because it can access the internet. He was very upset and really what can I do? I asked him what could i do? In our conversation I said so they have wifi?

    At which point in thinking about it he realized that they should have a password on the wifi so he should not be able to access the internet... and I could hear him slow down, become more reasonable and him saying I am going to go ask them. I had been telling him he needed to talk to them today.

    So he was off Occupational Therapist (OT) do that and hung up. Leaving me up in the air and wondering.

    I keep telling myself this is his journey and I need to let him have it, but darn it it is hard to do that when he keeps asking me to get on the train!!!

    So I am still feeling anxious about it all.... but at least I know he arrived safely. Reality is we have an old ipod here we could load with his music and send him if that solves the issue. I am resisting however juts doing that and waiting until I hear more from him.... I know I can't just go and solve everything that part of his journey is coming up with solutions.

    It is so hard to just sit back and wait.

    What I am starting to see though is that in our new mode of interacting, instead of arguing with him but rather just talking things through, that i help him think things through and come down from his initial reactive reaction. He does overreact, usually with anger, and then will do really stupid impulsive things. Part of what he needs to learn is how to get down from that place and react in a reasonable way. I am hoping that happened last night but now I have no idea.

    And he no longer has his phone.... so who knows. I don't do well with the not knowing.

  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    When they become angry and irrational it seems as if they revert to 2 year olds. Our maternal instinct kicks in and we are tempted to parent the 2 year old. After all that is what mommies do. It is hard to detach and see them for the age they are because at that moment they are not.
  3. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Amen to that

    {hugs} he's in a safe place and he is getting help. Good job "not solving it for him." Stay strong, lean on us...
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I don't know how you feel about this but you can buy him an ipod nano that does not connect to the internet. It also has an FM radio on it. I got difficult child one when she went to the sober house because she could not use her ipod touch either. Of course it's missing now but it served it's purpose and it's not very expensive.

    I'm glad he's there, that is a big step. One step closer to sobriety.

    Last edited: Oct 4, 2011
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Actually we have an ipod that was my daughters before she got her ipod touch....so we definitely could do that... and his birthday is next week so I have no problem doing that.... Thing is I want to see how he resolves this or if he does before I jump in and do that. I do think he is going to need his music because it does help him cope and is a healthy form of coping.... of course I have no idea how or where he got the music he has and if it is on my computer or not. I may call this afternoon just to check on him unless I get a call first.

    As someone said he is in a safe place and this too will work out. Now that he is there this is the time for me to kind of get my groove back and relax.

    Nancy - how are you doing??

  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TL....his way of reacting sounds so much like the way Cory reacted back then...All big bluster and anger and temper tantrum and being hard to reason with. Then eventually after he calmed down you could get him to see the error of his ways...sometimes. In his teens you couldnt. By 20/21...sometimes you could. 22...it was getting better...23...much more...24...getting a whole lot better...today...I think we are mostly there. Pretty much he stops himself before he gets to the bluster and anger. He takes that deep breath first to think.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Even if you don't have his music with you... surely the centre would allow supervised transfer of music from one ipod to the other so he can have all the stuff that's on the "not allowed" one?

    That is, ONLY if the situation doesn't resolve itself already!
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    The best part of your posts is that it is "HIS Decision". That's awesome. DDD
  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Glad he is getting help and wants it. Sorry his behaviors have made you nervous and upset. My son has been in and out of program after program and I can honestly say that they all seem to balk at the rules at first. You did well not to get involved. Time for him to start figuring things out for himself. About all I would do is offer to take the device home with you at the next visit so it doesn't go lost or missing. Might want Occupational Therapist (OT) pick up an old walkman CD player for him and put his music on cds. Noone would steal that or trade for it and it is cheap about 3 dollars at the goodwill. Ipod nanos go for $149. Very tradeable for drugs or other stuff. -RM
  10. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Well I got a call a little while ago from the place. They called on my cell phone looking for my husband. Apparently my son signed a release for them to talk to husband but not to me.... and yet they have my cell phone?? I am hoping this is a mistake (not hard Occupational Therapist (OT) imagine some confusion on his part) and was not intentional. She was going to check with him.... but of course it is one more thing making me antsy!!! At least he is obviously there and ok. I can't imagine why he would sign a release for husband and not for me.... oh I guess I can imagine but it doesn't really make sense to me. So we shall see.
  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Tl thanks for asking. I'm doing ok. I have very little contact with difficult child. She did text me today asking if she could come home Sunday for a couple hours because she is getting together with some old friends in the arrea sunday evening. I said yes. She withdrew the exact amount of the rent for the sober house from her bank account today so I assume she is not moving into the apartment she said she was and is staying there another month. She is also texting and calling several other guys from her cell phone so obviously it doesn't appear as though she feels compelled to end other relationships.

    I'm just trying to bite my tongue and allow whatever is going to happen to go ahead and happen. She knows we will not support her and she isn't saving any money so when this baby comes I have no idea how she thinks it will eat or have clothes, but that's for her to figure out. I don't think she realizes the financial burden from day one. I wish I had her ability to be so carefree.