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He just does not get it
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 630088" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Annie, just wanted to say that I read your post from last night, sitting and listening to the fireworks. We did that too. </p><p></p><p>You said: "just wishing it would all stop."</p><p></p><p>Annie, you are ready for change in your life. When I felt that way, just sitting, feeling so alone, feeling so bad, so tired, so WEARY, "just wishing it would all stop," that is the day I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. </p><p></p><p>I got there one day with my husband (now exhusband), who was a very high functioning alcoholic (another bewildering experience, what to do, what not to do) for many years. </p><p></p><p>And then I got there one day with my son, who has been in a tailspin (in my view, not sure about his view) for the past four to five years. </p><p></p><p>I just was completely without resources---emotional, spiritual, physical, mental---to do anything else. I was spent. </p><p>yers, </p><p>And if you are like me, and most of us on this board, we are some of the most persistent and capable people you'll want to know. We can GET IT DONE. </p><p></p><p>But not this time. Not with the 40-foot-tall monster called addiction. There is no stopping THE FORCE OF ADDICTION. The only person who can arrest it---not cure it ever---is the person in whose body it lives. </p><p></p><p>And until that day comes, we can dance and spin and cry and beg and plead and hope and yell and do whatever we do in the crazy way we do it---trying to make them STOP---but we are, as we say in the South, ...."whistlin' Dixie"....been there done that and we are merely wasting our time and energy. </p><p></p><p>I am reading another good book: Addiction in the Family: Stories of Loss, Hope and Recovery by Beverly Conyers, whose daughter was a heroin addict. It's really good. </p><p></p><p>You said there is only one AlAnon meeting in your town in the evening so I understand that. Can you order some Al-Anon books and perhaps some other books that you can spend time reading every day? Also, once you go to the Al-Anon meeting, be sure to get a phone list and make it a goal to start calling people on that list to talk. It is very helpful. I've been in AlAnon now (again) for four years consistently, and I still have a hard time picking up the phone to call someone but I did it last week---forced myself---and it was a very good experience. Also, in time, you can get a Sponsor (after you observe folks for a while and see who you would like to have as a Sponsor) and that gives you someone to work one on one with outside the meetings. You can meet with that person, who will be an experienced and longtime Al-Anon and she will help you progress in your recovery.</p><p></p><p>And Lil, this is all for free. It is such a gift and a blessing to have what I consider to be very high quality group therapy and then, really, it's like having one on one therapy when you have a sponsor. Different from therapy but the outcome is just as good or better.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, I am with you here. You are not alone. Don't feel that you are. We so understand here. We have been on this road for a long long time, and most of us are still on this road. </p><p></p><p>Hugs and Blessings to you, Lil, on this July 5.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 630088, member: 17542"] Annie, just wanted to say that I read your post from last night, sitting and listening to the fireworks. We did that too. You said: "just wishing it would all stop." Annie, you are ready for change in your life. When I felt that way, just sitting, feeling so alone, feeling so bad, so tired, so WEARY, "just wishing it would all stop," that is the day I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I got there one day with my husband (now exhusband), who was a very high functioning alcoholic (another bewildering experience, what to do, what not to do) for many years. And then I got there one day with my son, who has been in a tailspin (in my view, not sure about his view) for the past four to five years. I just was completely without resources---emotional, spiritual, physical, mental---to do anything else. I was spent. yers, And if you are like me, and most of us on this board, we are some of the most persistent and capable people you'll want to know. We can GET IT DONE. But not this time. Not with the 40-foot-tall monster called addiction. There is no stopping THE FORCE OF ADDICTION. The only person who can arrest it---not cure it ever---is the person in whose body it lives. And until that day comes, we can dance and spin and cry and beg and plead and hope and yell and do whatever we do in the crazy way we do it---trying to make them STOP---but we are, as we say in the South, ...."whistlin' Dixie"....been there done that and we are merely wasting our time and energy. I am reading another good book: Addiction in the Family: Stories of Loss, Hope and Recovery by Beverly Conyers, whose daughter was a heroin addict. It's really good. You said there is only one AlAnon meeting in your town in the evening so I understand that. Can you order some Al-Anon books and perhaps some other books that you can spend time reading every day? Also, once you go to the Al-Anon meeting, be sure to get a phone list and make it a goal to start calling people on that list to talk. It is very helpful. I've been in AlAnon now (again) for four years consistently, and I still have a hard time picking up the phone to call someone but I did it last week---forced myself---and it was a very good experience. Also, in time, you can get a Sponsor (after you observe folks for a while and see who you would like to have as a Sponsor) and that gives you someone to work one on one with outside the meetings. You can meet with that person, who will be an experienced and longtime Al-Anon and she will help you progress in your recovery. And Lil, this is all for free. It is such a gift and a blessing to have what I consider to be very high quality group therapy and then, really, it's like having one on one therapy when you have a sponsor. Different from therapy but the outcome is just as good or better. Anyway, I am with you here. You are not alone. Don't feel that you are. We so understand here. We have been on this road for a long long time, and most of us are still on this road. Hugs and Blessings to you, Lil, on this July 5. [/QUOTE]
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