He just doesn't get it...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by butterflydreams, Aug 21, 2008.

  1. I visited difficult child last night and learned that he has lost yet another level. So 2 weeks in a row he has lost levels because of impulse control issues resulting in getting oppositions against him. Last week he went from having a overnight visit the week before to dropping a level and only getting a 12-hour visit. This week he went down even further and is only earning a 4-hour visit this weekend. He of course doesn't think that he should have lost anything. He got oppositions because he was speaking out in group. I asked him what he did and he said that he was telling people to shut up. I asked him why he was doing that - he said because the level 4's weren't doing it and its their job. I told him that it wasn't HIS job though he was only a level 3.1. "but they weren't doing their job mom, so I did" and he was told that was an opposition. He kept doing it though.

    Last week he wanted to get physical over something, he was really mad and wanted to lash out. He had asked to go to the quiet room or his room. He said he really wanted to punch something. He didn't though. This week after finding out that he lost his level and that he was only getting a 4-hour visit, he wanted to lash out again. He knows if he gets a physical aggression that he will end up back at level 1.1 with no pass. I really wonder if he will be able to stop it one of these times.

    He just isn't getting it. So we changed subjects and started planning what we would do for his 4-hour pass this weekend. Fortunately we only live like 20 minutes away from the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) so we are able to go home during this time.

    One day at a time, right?
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that he is having such a difficult time. The impulse control issue is such a complex issue. Do any of his medications help him with that? I have raised three ADHD kids and not one of them is a "bad" person. GFGmom will be 44 in November and she still impulsively spends money that she doesn't have to blow. Her two sons have taken Concerta (and now Vyvanse) to help them a bit.

    Sorry I don't have an answer for you but wanted to respond so you would know that you are not alone. DDD
  3. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I know how you feel. My daughter was in 3 Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s and still has not gotten it!!! In her last Residential Treatment Center (RTC) it took her 6 months to get off the orientation level. So she did not get to go off campus for the first 6 months of her stay. I don't know why these kids have such trouble following the program. I mean they know what the consequences are yet they are still adamant about rebelling!!!

    Hang in there, he'll eventually comply. He will get tired of losing his levels and watching all of the other kids leave on home visits. Keep us posted. God bless. :)
  4. lambsear2

    lambsear2 New Member

    Hey Butterfly

    My difficult child was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placed by family court. It was secure facility with very strict rules and lots of supervision 24/7. This was the best thing that ever happened to him.

    When kids enter the program, they are on probation. In theory they can move up within 60 days if they learn & follow the rules, participate in classes & therapy and continuously work towards their personal goals. difficult child who suffers from ODD/ADD was at the probationary level for 12 months. He refused to do what they wanted because he was being oppositional. He did not want to 'make them happy'.

    Hang in there Butterfly- this has to be sorted out in his head. When he comes home for good, it will all be worth it.

    PS- be glad that he is so close to home. It took us 6 hours to drive to visit our difficult child, but we could call him every day.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry. How frustrating.
    We've never done Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but I understand what you mean about him not getting it. :(