He makes me so angry

[KFld]

s2bx called me this morning because he needs to come by and pick up some money, as I have it all :smile:

Anywho, he then asks me if it would be a problem to take the dog for the weekend because he might be going away. I'm not an idiot, I know he's obviously not going away alone!!!!! He can't pee by himself, never mind go away by himself.

I will take the dog for the sake of the dog, but I will make it very clear to him that is why I'm taking her and that it is in no way to accomodate him taking his girlfriend away for the weekend. I know if I don't take the dog he will have somebody else watch her and that isn't happening.

He has no respect for me at all. He's just so comfortable with letting me know he's going away, plus last week standing on the front lawn of bff jills neighbor who lives right next to her on Halloween night, knowing I was there helping her pass out candy, then walking around the same neighborhood holding her hand. Do you know how many people have come up to me and asked what is going on since then???? Here they see me passing out candy at Jills, then they see him walking around holding someone elses hand and they didn't even know we were seperated.

I know his actions are speaking for themselves and he's the one making a complete fool out of himself, but I just can't believe the lack of respect for someone you have been with for 30 years.

My blood is boiling!!!!! :grrr:

 

[goldenguru]

<span style="color: #CC0000">Male menopause crazy.</span> Could there be a more accurate phrase?

Honestly.

 

[mrscatinthehat]

Can I stun him for you with my very imaginary stun gun. I reserve it for times like this.

Keep your head up. It will get better one day.

Beth

 

[busywend]

How stupid does new girlfriend have to be?????

I mean really!

Just think about that one for a minute!

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Wendy hit the nail on the head.

Stupid, silly gal.

 

[Star*]

K - boil boil toil and trouble...

In a (Huge) effort on my part to NOT say I told you so about the dog - I will only repeat: The dog will be and now has become a "thing" that he will/is holding over your head. I would get her after he's gone. He's trying to see you so he can hurt you verbally.

I would make permanent arrangements to keep her so this doesn't happen again.

As far as the money? Well I would say well How much do you need? And then give him 1/2 stating that his flav of the week should pay her way with her own money. Dutch until Divorce. The money is ANOTHER way that he gets to have contact with you. Tell him you'll leave a check at the attorneys office. Don't buy into this.

Parading a girlfriend around in your town on Halloween? VERY highschoolish. What's next - a three way call where she sits on the extension and listens to you bad mouth her to him? HAHAHA.

Eesh....he is Largely a difficult child, and Mostly a horses patootie.

Busy Wend is right.

Sorry for your boiling. Put this one in your schmancy litter receptacle.

Hugs
Star

 

[KFld]

I can't make permanent arrangements to have her without moving and I'm not ready to do that until Spring at the earliest. I can't do that to easy child. When I move it's going to be to buy something and I'm not even ready to start looking until the Spring and I want to take my time and find exactly what I want.

I have every intention of going to get the dog after he leaves and when I want to pick her from now on I'm going to leave him a vm and let him know I'm picking her up and I'll meet him at the front door with her. I'm not even going in the house anymore. When I bring her home, I will do the same thing, meet him at the front door. He can hand me my mail at the same time.

As far as the money, what I gave him today was to pay his worker. I will make sure to mention to him that he better not be spending our money to take her on vacation. He needs to remember he is still married after all! Though I guess he forgot that a long time ago.

 

[TerryJ2]

Karen, did you get a receipt?
If it's his worker, is he paying in cash? Not a good idea.
FWIW.
So sorry he's being an idiot. Only because it hurts you. The fact that he's being an idiot in public is actually a good thing.

 

[KFld]

He has one worker we have always paid cash, under the table.

I have control over all the money and give him what he needs to live by.

 

[ck1]

Wow, my blood is boiling just from reading what a jerk he is!! I'm with the others, his girlfriend must not be very smart. Some people just want someone, anyone. He is not worthy of you!

 

[KFld]

Apparentley she was in a very abusive relationship before him, so he must be like dating a prince!

 

[TerryJ2]

Oh, dear. She's about to find out there's more than one kind of abuse. The subtle kind, where you parade people's emotions about town ...

 

[Star*]

Slapping my hands OVER my mouth and shaking my head YES to CK and Terry.

Good for you about the pup. I'm really proud of you - You've come a long way baaaaby!

Hugs
Star

 

[Hound dog]

I'm wondering if the idiot believes all of this flaunting girlfriend and such around in front of you is going to make you so jealous you'll throw yourself at him and beg him to come home?

It's a possiblity since the rest of his behavior is so juvenile.

Terry's mentioning the receipts got me to thinking, if you're handling all the money and dishing it out to him on an as needed basis.....You might want to consider receipts there too for court later. Since he's being a jerk in so many other ways, he just might decide to start it in this dept. and try to claim YOU spent the money while he never saw a dime and you might run the risk of having to give it to him again.

My Mom who is a divorce veteran with 4 under her belt always says when it comes to the s2bx, ACYOA. (Always Cover Your Own )

He is soooo not worthy of your time.

Hugs

 

[susiestar]

Why not have the worker come to you to get the $$$? Would cut out a LOT of stress.

Keep receipts and refuse to give him ANY unless he SIGNS the RECEIPT. EX, not worker. EX MUST sign for all cash or else you will be taken advantage of!!!!!

by the way, if EX starts the "she never gave me any $$, then threaten to report him for paying under the table. I bet YOU have records!!!

Just a question: What will Ex do if you say you can't take dog because you have something going on???

So sorry he is a rat.

 

[witzend]

I hate to say it, but he's probably not disrespecting you any more now than he has for the past 30 years. He's just being more blatant about it. He's way too comfortable with this garbage for this to be a new way of life for him.

Do what you have to about the dog. I knew a couple where the man would not give up the two cats to his ex, then took them to the vet to be euthanized when she finally gave in and said he could have them. He about took my head off with a pool stick when I asked about them. It was scary.

 

[donna723]

I think instead of referring to him as soon-to-be-ex, we should just start calling him "HP" for Horses Patoot! Are you giving him money in cash? Is there any way you could give him a check instead so you could write on the check what it was for?

Something else - have you filed a Change of Address notice with the post office? It kind of bites the big one for you to have to go to his house to pick up your mail!

I had a former boss who did a lot of things that your "HP" is doing, only he was still living with his wife (and two kids!) and his wife didn't know about the trampy girlfriend he had at work! He was super blatant about it too, to the point that it was embarassing! He wanted people to see him with her! Everybody knew about it and made jokes. We all spent a lot of time trying to figure out what on earth he could possibly be thinking ... we finally decided that he must have thought that people were considering him quite studly, admiring him! Yeah, right! Of course, he was very soon BUSTED and blaming everybody else - lost everything including his kids and ended up back living with his mama! But he did earn the title of "Biggest Horses' Patoot" to ever work at our location, and believe me, there was lots of competition!

 

[KFld]

O.k. so I called HP today, see I catch on quick, and I told him that I am taking the dog for her sake, but it was in no way to accomodate him taking his girlfriend on a little vacation. He said, don't worry about it then, I'll take her with me. I said, no you don't understand, I'm taking the dog because I want her, but you need to know it's not to make your taking your girlfriend away any easier because you'll just take her with you and I don't want her going with you. Then I told him what an idiot he made out of himself on Halloween by walking around the neighborhood where we know everyone and holding her hand. He kept saying, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I said no, if you were sorry you would'nt haven come within a mile of Jills house on Halloween.

I guess he called his mommy as soon as I hung up on him because she called me and said she to see how I was and said she was so sorry he was being so rediculous and that she can't even listen to him anymore. She said she reminded him that is still my house he's haveing his girlfriend at and that he better be really careful about what he's doing to his daughter. She is sick over what he is doing. He tried to tell her that easy child keeps calling him saying she wants to meet her and her daughter. I know that is bull because I see everyone she calls from her phone and she hasn't called him once.

Donna, I have all my bills coming to my apartment. The mail that comes to our house is all the checks his customers send as he is self employed. I do all the books for the business, so I need to and will continue to pick up these checks every few days so I can deposit them and continue to make sure our bills are paid on time until my name is off the business and he buys me out of my half of our house. He mentioned someone else taking care of this and I told him as long as my name is on it, and that will be until the divorce is final, I will do the bookeeping and finances. Once we are divorced he can have whomever he wants do it as I will no longer be co-owner.

I haven't had to say one word to his mother. As my bff Jill keeps reminding me, I don't have to say a word, his actions are speaking for themself.

His mother said she thinks he'll stop calling her and telling her these things soon because he's not happy with the things she is saying to him. I think he felt that was the one person he could depend on taking his side and easing his guilt so that he could feel what he's doing isn't wrong, and that isn't happening. She told me he wanted to introduce his girlfriend to her and she said no.

The only thing I said to her tonight is that he's making a joke out of our 27 year marriage. It's like he's telling everyone, I finally have the person I've been looking for all my life, the last 27 years were a waste of time. I guarantee he doesn't even realize that he got two beautiful children out of the marriage because he's so selfish and consumed with his own needs, he can't even stop to see it.

Oh well. His loss, my gain :smile:

The only thing I'm afraid of is that he's trying to pressure easy child into something she isn't comfortable with. I know her, and I know she wouldn't be comfortable meeting her daughter. I also know she can't really be pushed into anything she isn't comfortable with and is very capable of standing up for herself. So I guess I don't need to say anything to her about it. My mother in law said when she comes back from FL she wants to take easy child out for lunch and see if she will talk to her. They have a special bond because my mother in law came to Romania with me when I adopted easy child, so we both saw her first.

I don't know if any of you listen to country music, but if you do there is a song called I saw her first. It's about a father who's letting his daughters fiance know he saw her first and what a strong bond a father and daughter have. It's a beautiful song and I keep telling easy child that at her wedding her grandmother and I are dancing with her to that song, because we both saw her first. I know that's off the subject, but I just had to add that in :smile:

I have to tell all of you that I am getting better and better at calling him up and telling him what I think, and it feels good. I was so afraid to stand up for myself that I was actually worried about hurting his feelings in the beginning of all of this. NOT ANYMORE!!!!!

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I loved her first
I held her first
Have a space in my heart
That will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father (or mother, or grandmother) runs deep
And I prayed that she'd find you someday
But it's still hard to give her away
I loved her first...



I LOVE that song!!

 

[KFld]

Thanks BBK. I love that song also.