He makes way more money than I do so why the hell is he so broke all the time? (Vent)

InsaneCdn

Well-Known Member
CB? I'm not a single parent, so "technically" I can catch a bit of a break, but... in reality? Neither husband nor I have had a break AT ALL in 6 years. We are on duty 24/7. There is NO let-up, ever.

I understand why you want it.
But... I have to count the years until I can get it. It will be after K2 leaves home. Not before. Probably 10 more years.
 

MyFriendKita

Active Member
You know, it's a bit off topic, but the subject of "you need a break" really bothers me...L, on the other hand, was on a $100 a week allowance, had no curfew, had missed 52 days of school by December, and was staying out all night with adult men. There was no way we were taking her...The purpose of visitation is to maintain a healthy relationship between parents and kids. It shouldn't be looked at by either parent as a "me time" situation.

So it's not okay for a custodial parent to need a break, but it is okay for a noncustodial parent to refuse visitation because the child is difficult?
 

InsaneCdn

Well-Known Member
When things work the way they are supposed to work, there is no split... both are custodial, in an intact family AND both are seeking the best interests of the kids. (just because it's an intact family doesn't guarantee that both parents are are at the same level...)

The next best is when both parents are prepared to put the best interests of the kids first, and do whatever it takes for the KIDS, even when their own relationship is no longer workable.

When you have a game-playing non-custodial X... or a game-playing custodial parent... (or both)... it isn't fair to anyone, and there is no good answer in terms of what is best for the kids.

Kids shouldn't have to deal with this koi.
 

Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful
So it's not okay for a custodial parent to need a break, but it is okay for a noncustodial parent to refuse visitation because the child is difficult?


rm1976, that is not even implied In Witz comment. CB's ex will either see the kids or not, what he chooses to do and the reason behind it is on him.

Parents of special needs kids, any special needs kids be it mental or physical or emotional, need a break once in a while. I never got one unless I was in hospital deathly ill.......and in my opinion that just didn't count. lol Oh, wait, I need to retract that, there were a couple of summers my Mom came and got the kids for 2 wks. And I did treasure those two weeks of peace and quiet. BUT Witz has a valid point. If you're pushing the visitation and your ex is really not that interested in seeing the kids for whatever reason he has, the kids will know. It will not only hurt them (because in kid logic they're being shoved off onto someone else......kid logic is not the same as adult logic) but will make them angry. Then you can easily find yourself with a whole other boatload of issues to deal with that really aren't worth that weekend break.

I don't buy into most of the garbage they like to say about kids of divorce parents. I think most of it is just a lot of excuses for poor behavior. Because my mom went through husbands the way other people go through tissues, and really none of us had any of the so called "divorced kid" issues.........difficult child issues, yes, but not that. But trying to force or convince a non custodial parent to visit with a child builds resentment faster than anything else, and that resentment is directed at both parents. It doesn't even matter if you're doing it trying to keep their relationships close. Kids pick up on such things fast. For the kid, it's like being slapped in the face repeatedly with the fact the other parent really doesn't want you around. If the custodial parent is doing it for a "break", then it's a double whammy for the kid. I know, been there done that as the kid and it blows major.

Any cousins they're close in age and like to hang around.......take turns having sleep overs. What about a sleep over or just an evening at the grandparents house? Hire a sitter for an hour or two and go catch a movie, lunch, some fun shopping (even if it's window shopping) Go take a long walk. Lock yourself in the bedroom with a good book for a couple of hours. I had 2 wks a year for a couple of years out of all the years the kids were growing up. To top it off Fred worked 2nd shift so I got them all by myself too. So I did the walk thing. I did the book thing. Shoot, there were times I just sat in the bathroom for 20 mins with the door closed.

It does hoover that all the responsibility part has fallen onto your shoulders while ex gets to go do as he darn well pleases with his new life. Sadly, for most people with exes, this is reality. Dads have a tendency for "out of sight out of mind" syndrome.......I call it........when once the family has split, he either is too busy with the single scene or once he remarries he's too busy with his new life to bother. Some even take it to such extreme they drop out of the childrens lives completely. Not all dads, but a good portion of them do this to some degree.

Focusing on your life with your kids, and finding ways to cope and get breaks for yourself is all you can do.


 

witzend

Well-Known Member
FWIW for the first two years I had visits with L I visited 3 days a week, never overnight, and took two buses there, home, back there, and back home rain or shine. Getting to see her was a four hours of travel for me, three days a week, for a total of twelve hours of visits a week. If I was late, I lost that much of the visitation time. If I was early, I had to find a way to come back early or be found in contempt. On Saturdays that often meant hanging around at a park - because I didn't have spare money to buy an ice cream - waiting 45 minutes until it was time to bring her home, only to find a sitter there because they had gone out for the evening. But heaven help me if I showed up more later than my scheduled drop off time.

If he wants to see your kids, he'll find a way. If he doesn't, you shouldn't expose them to him.
 

MyFriendKita

Active Member
rm1976, that is not even implied In Witz comment. CB's ex will either see the kids or not, what he chooses to do and the reason behind it is on him.

Actually, I was referring to Witz chastizing Californiablonde for saying she needed a break, while on the other hand describing her own daughter's out-of-control behavior and then making the comment that there was no way she was going to take her daughter for visitation when her daughter was acting the way she was. That seems a bit hypocritical to me.
 

Californiablonde

Well-Known Member
by the way, I ended up not giving him any money. Couldn't. My child support check hadn't yet come in. He took them anyway. He really does want to see them. I don't think he was trying to get out of it. He asked my mom if she could take them but she was busy and couldn't do it. So he bit the bullet and somehow managed without extra gas money. I would hardly call my kids' visits with him "dumping them on him" either. They visit so they can have a relationship with him. If that happens to give me an extra break, it's just a bonus.
 
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