I agree with janna that you need another opinion. LAst year Jessie got a horrible cramp right before Christmas. We saw her doctor, the gyn for an ultrasound to see if it was a twisted ovary or cyst, back to her doctor several times. finally on an Xray they saw that is was gas stuck in a backed up intestine. Gas and poop got all impacted and stuck to the lining of her intestines. And even though she had normal looking and seeming poops, and no encopresis, we had to get that stuff worked out.
We did Miralax, benefiber, mineral oil, with no results. We did the whole Gallon of Go Lightly along with enemas, and NOTHING worked. Finally they put her into the hospital (lots of fun for me 2 weeks after neck surgery, but this wasn't something Dad could do) and they used an old home-remedy that actually WORKED.
It was an enema of warmed up molasses mixed with milk. An entire jar of molasses mixed with warmed up whole milk - just used the molasses container to measure it. It took several steps to get through it all, and it was NOT FUN, but she felt SO MUCH BETTER afterwards.
Now we keep her on a really high fiber diet.
I think if you can get the docs to take another look at htis they should be able to do something. It is a real medical problem.
But I agree that I would not take him places if he wouldn't clean himself. Esp if you have provided wipes. I know with Jess one thing that helps is to havelittle bags like for diaper disposal or from the dollar store to pick up dog poop in the bathroom. Then he can use wipes and stick them in the bags and close them so no one sees. It preserves their privacy from being teased.
Anyway, I am sorry you went through the meltdown tonight. I hope you can find help.