He met with his b mom and told her ...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by TerryJ2, Sep 10, 2015.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    He was supposed to meet while I was out of town. Yeah, right.
    I set up the mtng and drove him this afternoon. They met at a Starbucks and talked for nearly 2 hrs.
    He wanted to know if his bmom, R, and bdad loved one another, how they decided to place him for adoption, all that. Of course, when I picked him up, he was still processing information and was very snippy and hyper. If I asked a question, he'd yell at me. I'd be silent, and a few min. later, he'd talk.
    I can see that info will come in bits and pieces.

    The main thing is that his bmom, R, was adamant that this child be placed for adoption. difficult child's old girlfriend just turned 17 on Tuesday. And her mom is verbally abusive.
    If D were a go-getter, it would be one thing. But she is depressed and looking for love.
    Bad way to find it. :(
    R is very supportive and said that she'd be happy to meet with D.
    That won't do any good. D is like difficult child. You can talk a blue streak and she'll tell you what you want to hear, and then turn around and do whatever she pleases.
    Sigh.
    Met with the psychiatrist today, too(before the bmom visit). He wrote a scrip for Buspar for Difficult Child's anxiety. Could have sworn we used it before. Thank doG for this forum! I did a search and found that I'd written a thread on Nov. 13, 2012 and he broke out in hives. Glad I didn't get the scrip filled. :(
    psychiatrist asked Difficult Child why he put a knife to his wrist. Difficult Child said he didn't know. Impulsivity and anxiety. About what? Dunno. psychiatrist said, "I'll make it easy for you. One, you want to die. Two, you are in emotional pain and want it to stop. Three, you want to provoke someone into doing something or having some kind of reaction. Four, you are faking."
    (There may have been a fifth one but I can't remember it.)
    I think it was a combination of emotional pain and provocation.
    I asked if we could have something consistent for anxiety instead of clonidine, and that's where the idea for Buspar came in.
    Any ideas on medications?
    The psychiatrist also told difficult child that looking for all the answers in genetics (ergo, the bmom talk) was not going to help. You are not a product of your genes. It is just one component. You have genetics, you have medications, you have work, work, work. YOU change your life.
     
  2. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Try gabapentin or Lyrica. Lyrica can be expensive. They are alternatives to the benzodiazepines, which aren't good for people with addiction problems.
     
  3. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Did Difficult Child get the answers he wanted from the bmom?

    Or maybe, did he like or was he satisfied by the answers?

    Poor ex-girlfriend probably thinks Difficult Child will fall back in love with her after the baby is born and they will be together again and be a family. Reality will soon hit her.

    Is Difficult Child hoping that ex-girlfriend gives up the baby for adoption?
     
  4. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Terry, how are you doing with all of this?

    Hugs for you today!
     
  5. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    I haven't posted in a very long time. But, i still read regularly. daughter is doing very very well. Terry, has he tried Ativan? I have horrible anxiety, and can take .25mg and it is just enough to calm me. But, it is prn not a daily dose.
     
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Thank you all.
    Yes, his ex girlfriend is definitely hoping they will be a couple. He is a "player," which makes it worse. They'll sit on the couch and watch TV and she'll play with his hair or rub his shoulders and he is fine with it. She knows he's got a girlfriend. She's living in la-la land.
    So is he.
    I walk into the LR a lot and tell them to read instead of watching TV.
    Doesn't help much.
    The bmom did help with some info but not all. I don't know for sure, just that he has not sat down and told me everything. It will come in bits and pieces.

    New girlfriend, H, is an enabler. Difficult Child has her looking on FB for his biodad. !*$*%#^&^@#&#!!
    I've got the fraternal grandmother's ph #. Also, he wrote her a letter 3 yrs ago as part of a school assignment (he could pick any relative he wanted. And she responded.). Of course, difficult child has ignored me and insists I haven't told him anything and that he has no idea what his biodad looks like. I told him that he and his ex were sitting on my bed (the master bedroom bed, unmade!) last year, looking through albums and he saw the photo. He insists he doesn't remember that. I DO remember. Especially that I handed them to more albums and told them that MY bed and bedroom are NOT an appropriate place to look at photos or to do anything else, for that matter.

    P*sses me off that he always has to be the victim.

    Meanwhile, clearly, R told her mom (Difficult Child's grandma) ... and grandma is a religious nut. Called me 4X today (2X on home phone and 2X on cell) and I did not pick up. Then she sent me a long long text preaching about how Difficult Child is dancing with the devil, that psychiatrists are hogwash and a waste of time. ("I'm not a fanatic," she wrote.)
    Just what I need.
    Thank doG for Caller ID.

    Oh, and she texted something about how the military is horrid and everyone is being sent to the Middle East. WTH? Apparently he told R that he wants to join the military. Doesn't matter. He'll never make it through basic training. He couldn't even make it through football practice!
     
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, how am I doing with this?
    Well, you can see I'm back on the board ... :rolleyes::oops::eek::D:mad::cry::cry::cry:
     
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  8. Seeking Peace

    Seeking Peace Member

    How about Lexapro? Used in adults and children. Takes about a month to really fell better, but really helped squash my anxiety.
     
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I just found some lexapro in the cupboard. Can't recall why he didn't finish it. Time for another search on the CD board ... :)
     
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